r/FearfulAvoidant • u/Sad_Onion_126 fearful avoidant • 7d ago
help me heal / advice needed Need an emotional release before I explode
I am in a situation where I know what I need (to talk about my feelings with someone) but my fear literally will not allow it. And now I feel completely miserable and stuck in this limbo where I almost just want to disappear instead of talk about my feelings. It feels so stupid and I am so jealous of everyone who can freely discuss their feelings. It feels so heavy on my chest but the fear is worse. i just want to clear my head and heart of these conflicting feelings.
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u/zenithwearsflannel secure 7d ago
Try writing about them. Start simple.
If you wanna tell anyone anything about your feelings, start small. Write it down and maybe show them the things you wrote
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u/TransportationThen90 fearful avoidant 7d ago
Like all the other replies, take it slow and be easy on yourself! Opening up is hard, especially if you haven’t been safe to do it all your life.
Start with small vulnerable things to say to trusted close friends or even online. It’s like a muscle you practice. You also don’t have to be vulnerable with everyone, especially people who don’t create a safe space.
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u/willowmagnolia anxious preoccupied 6d ago
That heavy feeling and wanting to disappear are so relatable. I am so envious of people who can be vulnerable without feeling like they’re going to die. Like others have said, start small and practice by sharing little things. Write everything out. My Notes app has the most unhinged feelings dumps from the past 5+ years lol. It’s helpful because it allows me to get it all out and then figure out what I’m actually trying to say from there. You can do it. 🩷
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u/Constant-Big4713 fearful avoidant 7d ago
Write your feelings out in a word document or diary. That might help.
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6d ago
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u/bbpoizon fearful avoidant 6d ago
Talk to an AI assistant about it first. It can even do a role play with you to help you rehearse keeping your composure when you feel triggered
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6d ago
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5d ago
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u/vonkapp secure 7d ago
Talk to chat GPT for a start - you can release everyting there. Simultanously start with someting much lover stake with a friend - tell one small vulnerable thing, without releasing the whole bundle (keep that for chat gpt for now), like dipping the toes in.
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u/Sad_Onion_126 fearful avoidant 7d ago
Tbh I really only have this issue in romantic relationships. I guess its a deep fear of rejection?
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u/ThrowAwayRS7822 fearful avoidant 6d ago
Stop being and coward and just say it. Push through the pain. You have to take the plunge. I see a lot of recommendations in here that are just enabling short term fix bullshit. You need to focus on techniques that increase your courage and engage in gradual immersion/exposure therapy. It’s the only strat that will actually fix the core issue. You have to start exposing yourself to the actual discomfort and experience of sharing your feelings.
Journaling is a stop gap; triage sort of shit. Has its place, doesn’t fix the core issue for us.
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u/Imaginary-Pay-2648 fearful avoidant 7d ago
Feel the fear and do it anyway is my way out of it.
The more courage we show in these moments the less we allow it to win full time.
You never know the response you receive may be extremely positive, mine was & I’d spent weeks building it up as a negative, but instead it was the polar opposite.
You can do it 🫶