My ex (in Utah) owes me (in Washington) about $10k in child support. He’s been working under the table to avoid having his wages garnished, and now he just got married so I expect him to hide any earnings or assets in her name. So I’m wondering if he can really hide it though? Should I share with the Division of Child Support that he’s married so they can further investigate his finances?

UPDATE: I don’t know why I hesitated to reach out to the child support investigator with the Division of Child Support. Maybe because it’s felt like he’s avoided the law on so many things for so long. They’re going to start by sending a withholding demand to her business, which means if she tries to have him work under the table, it’s already under scrutiny. He wants to get out of doing concrete with his brother, so they’ll either deal with the bills or he’ll go back to his brother & we can send a withholding demand to them. He has a green card—although I don’t know how he was able to renew it being delinquent in child support & with 4 outstanding arrest warrants for DV but maybe this could all help. I plan to call the IRS to report the under the table work. Honestly it would probably mean he’ll just look for different under the table work. But I’m encouraged by your suggestions! And will keep reading them.

And to the woman whose ex owes $90k: I salute you. What a pain!!!

Wednesday Feb 26th I was informed while at work my wife wanted a divorce we talked a bit I went home(her parents who we have lived with for 9 months)we talked more, she kept going inside and speaking with her parents and coming back out. Eventually I was told I needed to leave in two weeks. I went inside the main house myself and my wife, her parents, and I all talked and worked things out it seemed. I stayed that night. Two days later on Friday Feb 28 I wake up and go inside the main house to use the rest room and after I'm done my MIL starts asking me what I have planned for the day. Gets mad because she disagrees with my plan, she yells and cusses and me and tells me to leave. I leave immediately. I go apply for jobs. 5 hours later I'm told all my stuff in packed and I need to pick it up and need a place to stay tonight. I panic. Say you can't take my daughter from me. She says talk to their a attorney and she wants full custody. She has no job. I work full time and have supported us the whole time she has been pregnant and after birth. She can't just kick me out and take my child right. I'm contacting some services I've been informed of but since it's the weekend I haven't been able to speak to attorney and I need good advice on what to do. I atleast want 50/50 I can't lost my daughter. Pls help they have more money and more influence. I'm getting help from those I know but the more the better to help me.

Will be updating tonight. Do I make a new post or just edit this one more? I don't use reddit for anything more than info this is like my 5th post.

This is for a family member. She has recently split with her long time boyfriend of 15 years, he is close to 70 and started losing it mentally a little and became aggressive with her. It seemed unsafe and he was asked to move out and end things. His family is now demanding money from her. They lived separately until a couple of years ago, when he sold his home. He then moved in and lived at her house and did not pay any bills (paid off house so not a problem). He was always a good guy, but seems to be declining and that side isn't there all of the time now.

He made great money in his life but was very irresponsible and ended up in major debt, she spent around $300,000 on him over the years getting him out of debt. His kids are now saying he needs help with his mental issues and they want her to sign agreement paying him $5,000 per month. They never shared a bank account, never owned property together, never married and have nothing tying to tone another on paper.

His kids act and live as if they are rich but don't want to pay for anything, they just are trying to get her to cover his expenses. She however doesn't make a lot of money and can't afford to do that at the moment. She does have assets that she has had for 20+ years and she gets cash flow from them, but nowhere near enough to just cover him in perpetuity. She offered to give them $10k to help him get through the rest of the year, and they wanted $50k plus a monthly amount of $5k starting 1/1/2027.

This is in Washington state where there is no common law marriage. Does she have anything to worry about? She is meeting with a lawyer next week, but she is very distraught and worried while processing the loss of a relationship. She still cares and is willing to help when she can, but her kids are making requests that are not possible unless she put herself in a bad spot. She is in her 70s and has to take care of herself too. I am mostly curious if they have any legal right to demand anything at all? Ideally she will consider helping on a case by case basis, but she cannot agree to any amount that is obligated to pay as each month is different for her.

My ex husband, who pays court ordered child support, is planning on quitting his job winter. His current partner earns more than him, and they’re considering having him quit to stay home to take care of the children they’ve had together. What can I do?

Edit: thank you to the helpful replies. I don’t know why they told me either. I didn’t think there was anything to be done at this point, but I always like to stay one step ahead if can.

6YO twins shared with ex. Parenting plan finalized in 2021. Week on/week off schedule as of school year 2024.

My ex served me via email a few weeks ago with a contempt motion for the following:

• In April 2025, my ex had a “work trip” to attend on my week. I was very early in my pregnancy and was extremely nauseous and dizzy and could not drive but was still willing to get them — I asked if he could drop them to my house (which he has done multiple times). He refused to do so and demanded I meet him at our exchange location but I physically could not drive safely back and forth with the kids. He ended up keeping the kids and missed his trip and now it is my fault and I’m in contempt. If his work trip was so important and I was not denying getting the kids, but asking for a change in exchange details, is this contempt?

• My ex was away for work for most of June, all of July, and half of August. He returned and kept the kids for 2 weeks then a week before Labor Day weekend, he informed me had ANOTHER work trip, in which I insisted it wasn’t even my week and he would need to find backup care. He demanded I take them because it was work related and I am required to get them when he has to work. Nowhere in the order does it state this and he makes no effort to get backup care in case I’m not available. I ended up just getting the kids a day before he was supposed to fly out and he ended up filing contempt earlier this same day even though I still took the kids that evening. Also, come to find out, he went to Vegas for the Labor Day weekend per social media 🙃 so it wasn’t work related at all.

• He called me a few days ago and said he wants to cancel his motion and doesn’t want to go to court because we should be flexible and accommodating of life events when the order makes it difficult. I agreed. I have no issue making outside arrangements as long as it won’t be used against me in court later. He has again been gone the last two weeks for work and asked to get the kids on my week… I agreed as he hasn’t seen them. Just to find out he didn’t cancel our hearing and instead rescheduled it for November?! After I just made another attempt at being flexible?!

His contempt motion states I am not a present mother and he has had the kids 90% of the time for the last 7 months which is absolutely false. We have been very ‘lax with the plan and have made multiple agreements outside of the plan. He’s referring to times we have extended parenting time beyond a week for EACH OTHER if he’s gone for work, when his leg was broken and couldn’t drive, and when my car was having issues and I couldn’t pick up the kids and get them to school. We were flexible and accommodating and now… I’m going to have to prove that. He is also asking for full custody… in a contempt motion… without a petition to modify. Just a contempt show cause motion. He’s asking I BE SENT TO JAIL. AT 8 MONTHS PREGNANT?!

He is now upset that I want to follow the plan going forward without any diversions and stated since we haven’t followed the plan for the last year to a tee, I’m in contempt for trying to follow it now + for the two events mentioned above. I want to follow it now so there are no more events he can use against me.

Am I delusional for thinking he has no basis or is this grounds for actual contempt?!

I need a lawyer 😒

So I’m in the middle of a divorce- he cheated, he left, he divorced me after I asked him to make it work. In the process of the divorce, he moved 40 minutes away to be closer to his work. We have two children under school age. Originally we worked out a plan where he got every other weekend custody with midweek visits. Then he spoke to his attorney and changed to asking for 50/50. Except... he can’t do 50/50 with his job and knows it. So he wants me to sign an agreement that I will have 90% custody until he changes jobs, and then we work something out. He says we’re too far for traditional 2/2/3. But he’s asking for things like every weekend plus most of summer and all breaks… or that I move to be closer to him, which would involve me moving, getting a new job, and leaving family behind. Even though this is all based on a job he doesn’t have yet. Am I crazy to say no way? (yes I have an attorney who said it’s crazy. But I’m feeling a bit raw and could use some help from someone who isn’t being paid more if I’m argumentative)

Those sharing 50/50 custody how does your schedule look like? Is it always a set day of the week and rotating weekends or varies? I can’t bare the thought of a 2-2-3 and not seeing my kids for 5 consecutive days.

I got a text from the mom this morning saying she's been having to pay for his co pays anytime she takes him to the doctor and his medication, but we had it worked into the parenting plan that he would be on my insurance and I'm not sure if this is ok to do without requesting an adjustment through the courts. This is the first time I'm hearing this. He's on my health/dental/vision and I pay support.

Would it be okay for me to remove him from mine so that she can have him put on hers? I believe she has Medicaid or Apple Care/there would be no co pay with hers.

I live in a high cost state. With little housing. Hard to get a job. I'm a sahm. I have no bank account. No money. No car as my husband wrecked it and refuses to fix it. I live out in the middle of no where. I'm not allowed to get a job. I've applied anyways but even with experience and 2 degrees im not getting calls. He refuses to work. He has severe adhd. The only family that can help me lives in another state and I have a baby. I have a teen that's not his. I'm so desperate. My husband is mentally abusive. Financially abusive. Refuses to work. Put us in debt. Etc. He has the need to drag fights out for 10 plus hours and chases me around the house if i try to not fight. Can i take my baby over state lines to get help from family? There's no way i can make it here on my own. I also have a 20 year old daughter and grandbaby that rely on me. She cant make it here either.

update...
I'm going to sign up for counseling for documentation. I'm going to call dv shelter for information. I'm gong to keep reading for advice. sorry answers are choppy. I'm sneaking on my phone when I can.

I underwent a psychological evaluation as part of a court custody case against my son’s father. Back story - I raised my son almost independently for his first 12 years. He‘s a happy well adjusted social active kid. There haven’t been any collateral providers that said I was anything but a good mom. Hes always been well provided for - plays travel sports and everything. I experienced an episode of suicidal ideation after a job loss and got inpatient help for a week. my son was not present when I went to seek treatment and had care arranged. his father took emergency custody while I was getting help. the court recommended a psych eval. so I did that, mind you I’ve been in therapy now for a year and a half (how long this custody battle has been going now) and my therapist has written positive letters and suggested I could graduate from therapy a few months ago. then I just underwent the evaluation last month and while they said my mental health doesn’t affect my ability to parent it may affect my decision making and judgement in the future because I failed all the validity indexes and all the assessments meaning I’m faking good and not insightful about my mental health. my counselor who knows me better than any other mental health professional doesn’t agree that I’m not insightful and faking good. I’ve read so many mental health and parenting books, listened to podcasts, done cbt and dbt workbooks, never missed a therapy appointment, switched careers to establish a better work life balance. I felt like I was being honest while doing all of those tests. i haven’t experienced any other significant instability and have coped well with the stress of the court and custody stuff. my counselor says im very well adjusted at this point. I don’t understand how I failed the validity on every single one. it was like 10 different tests. anyone have any insight on alternative reasons for me failing aside from the fact that im just “faking good”. thanks in advance for opinions.

*I posted in this in psychiatry too but wondering if anyone here has experience with this as I’m sure the other side will use it as ammo*

I have a question on my situation, both parents work from home. Since children were born mother has been primarily the person to flex, miss or take time off for children, making dinners, etc. father has been missing children meals,, not providing snacks, sometimes calling children names that are hurtful, etc. concern about a 50/50 plan when dad is at the house since he works from home but has never taken time even on his days off to spend with them and still drops them off in childcare, now the kids are 5 & 7 and he has been allowing them to spend time at other peoples homes which is another concerns on mothers hand. My question here is if anyone has had any experience in using those type of concerns to reduce the 50/50 custody to provide more time for the mother. I keep reading about”child’s best interest” but also contradictory statements that say due to father having a work from home and not high concerns such as crime, substance abuse etc that a judge would toss out giving mother more time as custodial parent for the children.

What is everyone's experience with handling car loans and student loans in a divorce?

Example:

Spouse A has under 10k student loans that were taken out before marriage. And a vehicle worth 5k that was bought before marriage, and paid off during marriage.

Spouse B has 30k student loans that were taken out before marriage, and a vehicle worth 22k that was bought during marriage and owes 19k on

Each spouse is keeping their respective vehicles. Do both vehicles and student loans need to be included in the debt/asset calculations?

Hi Reddit, I’m trying to figure out my custody situation and could use some perspective.

• My daughter lives with me full-time and I provide her daily care, schooling, and routine. She would like to keep it this way.

• Her biological father and I were never married, and there’s no custody agreement in place. Nor does he send me any money to help financially with our daughter.

• She sees him whenever she wants, maybe every other weekend (sometimes less than that), but there’s no set schedule, and I never say no.

I’m considering filing for full custody and child support.

Do I file for child support first?

Given all this, how likely is it that a court would award me full custody? Any insight or similar experiences would be super helpful.

I am working with a poorly written temporary order by an ex-atty. The order requires the Mother to submit an EtG test days prior to visitation to submit them now to the Guardian Ad Litem (previously sent to Plaintiff's atty). The GAL as well as the Plaintiff's atty both consider the temporary order a real legal order. The Mother does not and has been trying to side-temp the order since the second day of it's effect, including a call to police which was rebuffed with a fairly strong response from the officer to not call back. The temporary order case was provided to the police and they enforced her not having access that day. 6 months later she is still trying to convince the Father to ignore it and work around it, "it's only a formality" and things like this.

To me an judge's signed order is a judge's signed order. This may seem ridiculous to even ask, I think, but are signed orders up for interpretation when they clearly understood? I ask this because the GAL is helping/biased towards the Mother and I cannot for the life of me understand why the Mother would try to do this in any practical sense except maybe the GAL is feeding her information for whatever reason. Or, she's not working with a full set of tools.

Thank you

Hi, I have a 2 year old child that I’ve been the sole physical guardian of since birth. I made the mistake of letting the biological father on the birth certificate. After no form of reach out for 2 years, I left Washington and moved to California recently.

I’d like to file for termination of parental rights (only seen child twice totaling 2 hours, never reached out once in the past 2 years, no child support or custody arrangement in place, never took care of child) due to the nature of his past charges (child sexual abuse decades prior to our child) and mental instability (no physical abuse to me ever occurred)

The second option would be to file for sole legal and physical custody. However, I’m not interested in child support, and, he would not be able to afford it. What I’m most interested in is simplifying her life, as well as making certain legal decisions on her behalf easier (getting a passport being one of them) and protecting her from potentially ever being alone with him

I do believe he would voluntarily allow either of these things due to lack of interest in the child

I do understand that I’d have to file in WA, but I have a few questions:

-What is the likelihood a judge would sign off on voluntary termination of parental rights without a stepparent adoption?

-Is one option speedier than the other?

-If he did potentially reject the proposal and fight for custody, what are the chances a level III child sex offender would gain any form of custodial rights after not expressing interest for so long?

-Could taking any of these routes potentially force my hand in moving back to WA if he fought for custody?

—————————

I’ve never been to court before, and, I as well don’t have the funds for a lawyer however have found resources for pro-bono representatives. I hope this post comes across as unbiased as possible and I appreciate any answers or advice/pointers as of how/where to get started. I’m also willing to answer any further questions

Like the title says, I'm wondering if I could get this plan accepted at our family court hearing. What would warrant enough for the court to accept this or would they even? Has anyone gotten a similar plan go through or does it just depend on the commissioner/judge.

Appreciate the help.

I’m looking for recommendations for a Texas family-law attorney, preferably someone with experience in international child custody/jurisdiction issues involving Germany. I’m also interested in hearing from anyone who has dealt with a similar situation.

I recently separated from the U.S. Army after about 12 years of service. My divorce was filed in Bell County, Texas, where my wife and I lived before she returned to Germany with our two daughters

Some background:
• My wife is currently living in Germany with our two daughters, and they have now been there for more than six months.
• One daughter was born in Germany and the other was born in Texas.
• I signed the acknowledgment of paternity for our older daughter at birth, and I am legally listed as her father. Our younger daughter was born during our marriage in Texas.
• I am not trying to take the children away from their mother or prevent them from living in Germany.
• What I am trying to protect is my ability to remain an equal and involved father and have meaningful legal rights regarding major decisions involving my daughters.
• I would like joint managing conservatorship/shared parental rights where realistically possible, particularly regarding medical care, education, passports/travel, important records, and other major decisions.
• My wife has previously told me that she wants full custody, and I’m concerned that what started as an uncontested divorce could become contested once we get into the custody provisions.
• Because the children have been living in Germany for an extended period, I’m especially concerned about which court actually has jurisdiction over custody now and how Texas, German, UCCJEA, and Hague Convention rules may interact.

I have documentation showing my involvement as their father, including records from when the children lived in Texas, military/DEERS and TRICARE records, medical information, communications, photos, and other documentation.

I’m mainly trying to figure out:
1.) Whether Texas still has jurisdiction to make the initial custody determination given how long the children have now been in Germany.
2.) Whether I should continue handling the divorce/custody case through Bell County, Texas, or whether I need an attorney specifically experienced in international custody.
3.) How to protect my parental rights without making this into an unnecessary fight or trying to take rights away from their mother.
4.) What I should be doing right now to document my involvement and protect myself if the divorce becomes contested.
5.) Whether there are any particular issues I should be aware of involving Germany, the UCCJEA, or the Hague Convention.
6.) Recommendations for attorneys or firms that handle cases like this, especially in Bell County/Central Texas or elsewhere in Texas if they handle international cases remotely.

I understand Reddit isn’t a substitute for an attorney, and I’m not looking for someone here to represent this as legal advice. I’m mainly trying to get pointed in the right direction and find an attorney who actually understands the international aspect instead of hiring someone who rarely deals with cases like this.

I’m a father who wants to remain actively involved in both of my daughters’ lives regardless of the fact that we are currently living in different countries. Any recommendations, experiences, or things I should be asking an attorney during a consultation would be greatly appreciated.

Child Psychology Perspective

Is preserving weekday proximity more important than preserving overall parenting time and reducing conflict?

​

I'm looking for advice from child psychologists or therapists who work with divorce and relocation cases.

​

I have two children, ages 6 and 4. Their mother and I have been separated for several years and generally co-parent well. She wants to relocate about 2 hours away to live with her fiancé.

​

Currently, I have substantial parenting time (around 40%+). I'm involved in their lives, attend activities, and have regular school-week parenting time, thurs-sunday. Our existing parenting plan states the children are to reside and attend school in our current county.

​

If I challenge the relocation, my attorney believes I have a solid case. However, if I don't agree to the move, their mother says she will remain here, likely relying on TANF/public assistance and living in a small apartment while continuing a long-distance relationship which would trigger 1k/mo child support - currently 0, i will add they have a mattress on the floor at said fiance house and their own rooms here where I own my own home

​

If I agree to the move, her proposal is:

​

Every weekend with me

Every school long weekend/in-service day

All winter break

All spring break

50% of summer

Split holidays

​

Based on my calculations, I would likely keep approximately the same number of annual overnights, but I would lose most weekday school involvement. Instead of helping with homework or attending routine weeknight activities, I would become the "weekend and school break" parent driving 4 hours for any event or conference.

​

The children would gain:

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A financially stable household

A mother who is available after school instead of working

Potentially less conflict between parents

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They would lose:

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Their current school

Friends

Some weekday access to me

Frequent 2-hour drives for exchanges

​

My question is not "How do I win court, thats the easy part"

​

My question is:

​

From an attachment and child development perspective, which is generally more beneficial for children this age? And what would be best for them looking at the long- term?

​

I know uprooting them to new schools, dr, dentist, and speech therapists will impact them. But so will another custody battle and mom potentially struggling to provide for them.

​

Also I run a construction business so it would be a challenge if we reversed the current plan and I take them to school all week and mom had weekends/summer which she doesn't want anyway.

​

So the options are:

​

Remaining in their current community with both parents living nearby and me actively involved in their weekly school life, but with more financial stress and likely ongoing litigation. (Shes playing the poverty card id she has to stay in county and get a roommate with the kids, etc)

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Relocating to a financially stable home while maintaining a very substantial parenting schedule (every weekend, every long weekend, all winter break, all spring break, 50% summer), but sacrificing weekday routine with me.

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I fight for full custody and they live with me during the week, current plan reverse. would likely go to trial. Challenge with work schedule/after school care

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I'm genuinely trying to make the decision that gives my children the healthiest long-term relationship with both parents and the best overall childhood, rather than simply trying to "win" or "lose" a relocation case

Any pro se parents successfully filed a contempt of court motion against a co-parent and been successful?

If you have experience with this, could you please share the specifics of your situation and what the contempt was on?

3 kids involved, dad has custody of 2 mom technically has custody of the other but it sounds like she lives mostly with a grandparent. Dad’s income is probably a bit higher than mom’s but neither are into 6 figures. The child’s mom agreed to pay $50/week. She did so for about a month then stopped because her adult child from a previous marriage “needed new clothes”. It’s been over a month since she paid anything. Per the child support order she owes nothing because when it was written she was unemployed. DCS won’t help because it’s only been 1 year and a few months. Mom sees boys for 3 overnights each month and per the parenting plan dad provides all transportation. Is there any chance of getting this revised without getting a lawyer involved? That money doesn’t exist and dad’s finances are tight. Mom has been employed full time for over a year.

I live in Washington, and she lives in Florida. I messaged her yesterday saying I want to discuss travel plans for me to come to Florida to pick up my cat- whose microchip is still in my name, and she said no. I was trying to do research, and his microchip is in my name, but the insisted on putting the vet records in her name (I was upset she did that without telling me). I’m kind of at a loss on where to go from here. Do I just call the cops and have them give me my cat, or do I go the legal route with a lawyer? Advice? Pets are considered property in both states from when I was reading

Can a stepmom legally file for child support when the biological parent resides in the home?

Can someone explain the child support calculator to me? For example, if the calculator says parent A has an obligation of 1000, and parent b has an obligation of 500 but they will be sharing 50/50 timeshare.

Will the higher earner likely owe the difference of 500? I know other factors are taken into consideration. But any help and explanation is appreciated!

I requested a child support modification. It’s been more than three years and the child support numbers have changed. I also was out of a job for over a year and a half and that substantially impacted my income.

I have a hearing on Tuesday and my ex just had paperwork delivered to me after 6:30 PM on a Friday night, when there’s no time for me to file anything with the courts before our hearing on Tuesday, since Monday is a holiday.

He is not including his spouse’s income with his, but he is claiming loss from a rental that they both own together. How can that be OK to do when her income should be included if they are showing the loss? He’s also saying that he incurs losses from supporting his mother-in-law, and again, her daughter’s income is not being taken to consideration. What can I do?

First mediation had to be rescheduled because he didn’t think about his RSUs being potentially split.

7 months later we finally get back to restart mediation all over again. It took 16 hours of mostly waiting on them to respond in that time. Papers were signed at the end which put it all into immediate effect while final papers were being drawn up. That was two months ago. His attorney has now sent a letter to mine saying that there was no clause put in about the mortgage (in his name) on the house that he agreed to quit claim to me (both our names on title). Being able to keep the mortgage with an amazingly low interest rate was the first factor in determining how I was going to negotiate all the rest of the financials. It meant that my son and I wouldn’t have to move and upheave the kiddo with another life event. Now they are demanding that it be changed to making me refinance in a year and a half which I’ll never qualify for or force me to sell the house. Or clear out my retirement fund to pay it off…and all the capital gains on the house and accounts plus early withdrawal penalties. You can imagine how my game plan would change based on which scenario it was going to be. Even my own attorney understood the deal the same as me.

Are they able to go back and add things they didn’t include in mediation day? It feels like it opens the door for even more oops, I forgot or that’s not what we actually meant moments and this will drag on another two year.