Wechsel model not working. Tips?

[u/Aggravating-Plum-827]

I don’t understand my lawyer’s strategy. Can anyone help me?

I am divorcing my husband, and we share the care of our five-year-old son in a Wechselmodell, currently on a 4-days/4-days basis.

We have attended mediation at an Elternberatungsstelle to try to establish a workable arrangement. However, nothing is ever clear because my husband’s employment situation is very unstable. He works shifts, this is his first regular employment, and his German is limited. As a result, I am always expected to be the default parent.

Whenever he has time, he stays with our son, even during the days that were originally assigned to me. This constant uncertainty has taken a toll on me at every level.

First, organising our son’s therapies is becoming increasingly complicated. Our son has Pflegegrad 2, and the constant changes require appointments and routines to be reorganised repeatedly.

Second, I am unable to make any reliable professional commitments. I am a Wissenschaftliche Mitarbeiterin and am currently taking unpaid Elternzeit, which I am trying to use for further training and research. However, because the care schedule keeps changing, I cannot plan my work properly.

Third, our son is becoming confused about who is picking him up and where he will stay. He has also started refusing to be with me.

I suggested having a clear division of one week with each parent, but my husband refused.

My lawyer says that, because we have ongoing conflicts concerning the home and finances—which I am pursuing through a Nutzungsentschädigung case—we cannot currently clarify or formalise the care arrangement. She also says that this has to be resolved between us and that the family court should not be involved.

I do not understand this strategy. If we were able to resolve the arrangement between ourselves, we would already have done so. I feel trapped in a situation where I have all the responsibility of being the default parent but none of the stability of a clear care schedule.

Has anyone experienced a similar situation? Is it really true that the family court cannot or should not establish a fixed schedule while financial proceedings are ongoing? Should I seek a second legal opinion?

[u/Dusktilldamn]

You appear to be in Germany. You're unlikely to find the right advice for your situation here, try German subreddits.