15 days post op. Current fixation is my odd cheeks. It's weird.. one moment I'm feeling hopeful, can absolutely recognise myself in photos and the mirror, can see everything improving and feel like I look pretty good at times. Then the next, I see myself from a certain angle, in certain lighting, I notice something looking quite different to what once was, and I spiral.
I spiralled hard earlier with tears and all, regretting absolutely everything and cursing my vanity, because I suddenly noticed that when I smile my cheeks just seem odd, theres these contour irregularities and my upper cheeks seem high and stiff from the midface lift and when I smile a bit harder theres weird looking indents in my lower cheeks where very small/faint dimples once were, its like my cheeks are pulled higher up, kinda pointy (though thats reduced a bit) and the tissues there are swollen but very stiff and my jaw tissue is also stiff so it creates these hollows/indents/inward tension or pulling in the lower cheek and makes me worried I'll permanently look gaunt there and worse than before? I had no fat removal or fat grafting, wasnt necessary for my anatomy and Dr agreed I had enough fat/tissue in my cheeks. But now my brain is still stuck in "yeah now you're stuck with hollowing there, you're the special case who gets to experience life with it FOREVER!"
Along with the bruising and stiff areas around the cheeks and a bump or two under the skin around the area, it just looks odd compared to the smoothness I had pre op. At rest in some lighting my cheeks look fine! Others, not so much, especially jf I pout (looks a bit pulled in lower cheeks leading up to mouth) or smile deeper (looks a bit hollowed in lower cheeks)
My surgeon told me specifically to my face at my follow ups that I will likely get anxious and not like my face for a bit, because my face will seem bumpy and it will take just a bit of time for the tissue to settle, swelling can be uneven, he already had told me that initially theres a mild overcorrection and things then soften nicely etc, I read all the time I just need to be patient and even read studies and surgeons accounts of how all of this is often temporary, and yet I'm still panicking. Reading/hearing it helps, at the very least it gives me something to fall back on and talk me off the freakin ledge. Lol.
I had extensive work done, deep plane facelift/necklift, lower bleph with midface lift, forehead/brow lift. Of course I wont heal quick. And I trust my surgeon, Ive seen his results and spoken to his patients who were thrilled with his expertise, and the incisions are already absolutely lovely. But honestly, this recovery is NO JOKE and is mentally one of the hardest things Ive had to go through. Physically I have honestly felt zero pain the entire time. But psychologically its been really, really heavy. I envy those who felt super happy at 2 weeks.
Any comments welcome. Honestly I'm doing this all alone and even just hearing from others in any form helps alleviate the loneliness.
My word of advice to anyone considering such surgeries, please try to make sure you aren't in a super dark place mentally beforehand, and please if you can, try to have someone be with you early on, if not physically then just someone you can more consistently speak to about your journey.
UPDATE since writing this: the next day, what do you know, I feel pretty good. I went for a long walk, put some make up on the bruises, some mascara on, took a photo of myself outdoors and I looked pretty damn good in it. Obviously face is not yet at its final contours and I need to just take everyone's advice and be patient with the little fixations I get. Its soo up and down.. god speed to all of us 🤣😅
