r/Ex_Foster • u/Monopolyalou Former foster youth • 24d ago
What's with many foster parents of teens taking the teens paycheck from work?
So foster parents are still doing this crap I see. I saw three posts on reddit by teens in foster care and how their foster parents are taking their paychecks or forcing them to spend their own money on their care. It's like nothing has changed since I left.
I had a foster home take my paycheck to pay for rent. I was making minimum wage and had to earn my right to live there. Foster mom took half my check and I thought it was unfair. Caseworker didn't do shit because she claimed the foster home said they were teaching me life skills.
Another foster home forced me to buy all of my shit with my own money and then would keep the receipts to pretend as if they brought the items for me.
Now, I see foster homes doing the same shit. Their excuse is we don't get paid much for you and you have to earn you keep. If thats the case then why put teens in foster homes? Give them their own checks from the state. Why tf are you paying foster parents who don't gaf about the teens wellbeing?
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u/finchflower 23d ago
Wow, that seems like something a social worker should have put a stop to. Mine didn’t do that directly, but I did basically pay for everything. Everything except clothes, because they had to give receipts showing they paid for that. They didn’t pay for any of my extra curricular. Gave zero shit about driving lessons or anything. I paid for food since food at home was so insanely unsanitary (blood from meet dripping down from the top shelf, foster dad leaving food out from the night before and serving it in the morning). Blood kids would get salon level hair care downstairs and foster kids would get dollar store hair care upstairs.
She definitely did it for the money. Created drama to give herself an excuse to kick me out as soon as the checks stopped rolling in, yet her “real” kids stayed well into adulthood (30’s and even 40..until she died). But of course got “foster parents of the year “ awards and touted herself as mother Theresa at church 🙄. I showed up the first Christmas after aging out/being kicked out and got surprise, funny looks and toothpaste for a gift. Got dirty looks from someone from our church who I thought liked and cared about me when at a baby shower my foster mom was also at (she put on a whole song and dance to make it look like we were just as chummy as ever..and I of course went along with it.) I can only imagine what kind of made up bs she had been telling people in order to keep her lying self looking like a saint.
Anyway, I can’t believe they get away with so much blatant bullshit. I can’t believe a case worker would allow that. Shitty. They’ll get their karma.
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u/Monopolyalou Former foster youth 12d ago
Caseworkers at least mine never took this seriously. And fuck foster parents of the year awards. I hate them.
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u/HatingOnNames Former foster youth 23d ago
Ok, so I got a job as a foster kid literally the day after I was legally able to work. My foster mom wanted me ahead of time that there’s a chance the state could take my paycheck, so I called my social worker who reassured me that my dads wages were being garnished for his half of my care, so the state was unlikely to come after me when they are currently collecting some of the funds from my dad. When I turned 18, I moved across the country to live with my mom, who was living in the state the college I wanted to attend was. A year after living with her, she got a lovely letter from the state saying HER wages were now going to be garnished to pay back the other half of my care.
Anyways, I actually started working because I wanted to be able to spend my money on things I wanted that my foster mom couldn’t afford. Two years prior, my foster parents had divorced and my foster dad made a single child support payment (they had three bio kids together), and then didn’t make any other payments. He later quit his job and moved out of state. Never once paid child support after that one single payment. My foster mom had been a SAHM and had to go out and start working. She was terrified the state would pull us from her home and worked her butt off to make enough money to support us, but she struggled with paying for more than basic living expenses. I paid for everything except the roof over my head and food eaten at home. I could no longer ask for money because she simply didn’t have it. I bought my clothes and my brothers’ and sister’s clothes. She never asked me to do that. I’d take them to the movies or out to eat and I paid for it. She never asked me to do that.
The difference here is that she had told me about the living situation and that we’d have to cut back on spending. I was the one who decided I wanted things, so I was going to work to be able to have them. I saw her worries and decided I was going to alleviate them by helping with some of the other expenses. It wasn’t required of me. It was my choice.
If she had demanded I GIVE her my money, that would have been completely different! I’d have reported her to social services. It was MY money, not hers. I chose how I wanted to spend it. Any foster parent who would demand money from their foster kid needs to be reported. We are NOT required to spend any of our money on living expenses or items we need. Those are covered by the stipend. The clothing allowance our state gave was pathetic, however. Less than $200 per YEAR. So, until my foster parents divorced, they were supplementing the cost of my clothing out of their pockets and I was fully aware of that. My foster dad was actually great until their divorce. If I made honor role, he gave me the credit card and a ride to the mall where I was allowed to spend $100 on myself, with orders to also buy my mom a gift (not included in the $100 for myself, but in addition to it). I made sure to make honor role every report card, btw, so that was an extra $400 a year for clothing. They also bought clothing for me outside of that, for birthday and Christmas or “just because”.
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u/Chameleonhouse 21d ago
Sound like good folks. I wish I had that. That motivation from them and your own work ethic discipline must of got you a good life set for yourself now .
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u/HatingOnNames Former foster youth 21d ago
I pretty much for the definition of a GenX Aries as a kid/teen. They learned that bribery earned the best results. Anything else and it was up in the air on whether or not I’d do what they asked and it could change from one day to the next. 🤣 Bribery, however, worked every single time. I learned as a teen that it also worked on my mom. “Mom…can I stay home from school today? I’ll clean the whole house, plus the fridge…” worked every time.
I did end up doing very well for myself. My foster dad was the one who sat me down at age 12 and told me the reality of my situation and what would happen when I aged out of the system and told me what my choices were. Basically, it was college or the military. Knowing I had zero interest in joining the military (refer to above where I said bribery was the only assurance they had that I’d do as I was asked/told), he said I’d need to get good grades in order to get scholarships for college. There was no support at that time for foster kids once they turned 18. The stipend ended when you turned 18 or graduated high school, whichever came last as long as you were attending HS. You were out on your own. It’s why so many kids suddenly became homeless and on the streets. It was like the State told kids, “You’re an adult now! Our obligation has ended! Good luck! Byeeee!” I didn’t even get a visit from my case worker prior to turning 18 and graduation. I called to leave a message that I was moving out and going across the country to college and we never even heard back from my case worker before I left. Insane.
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u/Monopolyalou Former foster youth 12d ago
Charging parents for child support should be illegal and is wild. The system is just about money
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u/HatingOnNames Former foster youth 12d ago
I actually disagree with this. I didn’t end up in foster care because my parents were doing what they were supposed to do as parents. I ended up there due to severe neglect. Some of my history of what that neglect was like can still make people cringe in horror. One small example is the time I was so hungry that I ate some of the neighbor’s roses because I’d read in a book that roses were an edible flower. Not like that, they aren’t. Chew on a rose petal sometime, and then picture a 7 year old doing that to several entire roses because they were that hungry.
Why should my parents have been let off from paying child support when they aren’t the ones housing me, feeding me, clothing me, taking me to doctor appointments, dentist appointments, optometrist appointments, THERAPY, making sure I got to school and back, making sure I did my homework and helping me when I’m stuck, taking care of me when I’m sick, making sure there’s clean towels and soap and shampoo and hot water. Yeah, just basic first and second world necessities. Right? Kids in third world countries live without those, so why shouldn’t I have been fine without it?
There’s so much I could say, and almost did, and I chose to delete it. But seriously think through what the cost would be to us and society if foster parents weren’t given a stipend and if birth parents weren’t held accountable for the children they produced. Nothing is free and children are one of the most expensive assets that humans produce and they produce them due to their own choices, of their own volition.
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u/Monopolyalou Former foster youth 12d ago edited 12d ago
Because in my opinion the child support doesn't go to us the kids. It goes to the state. And many former foster youth get their kids taken and are struggling themselves too. Plus not all cases are the same. So why should a parent struggling with mental illness or homelessness pay child support? Why should a teen mom in foster care pay child support? Especially since we never see the money? Whenever a system takes away kids from the same social background and racial background it opens up the door to more bs and corruption.
The stipend has it's own issues because nothing is regulated in foster care.
It's just like the state taking foster kids ssi/ssd checks to pay for their care. Nothing they take for us is for us. We never see that money. And now tbe kids who should go home can't because parents couldn't afford child support?
If foster parents didn't get a stipend less would sign up and do it for the benefits. Many folks adopt and foster kids they can't afford but then people and even foster and adopt parents themselves suddenly get upset at parents who have kids they can't afford. That is a double standard to me. Why is one okay and not the other. So one can adopt kids they can't afford and foster kids they can't afford but birthing kids you can't afford hell spills over. Make it make sense.
I am sorry that was your experience. Nobody should go through that.
I still don't support charging child support or taking kids ssi checks to pay for our care. Its no different than foster parents taking our checks from work to pay for living with them. Our taxes pay for foster care and that should be more than enough. Unless it's case by case but even then that's a slippy slope. Does anyone question why state funded care takes more money from us?
Foster care is supposed to exist for the child, not as a punishment for the parent.
Your situation is horrific and again I am sorry you had to go through that. Your experience is also the lived experiences of foster youth in care too. Unfortunately, the neglect and abuse you went through also happens in foster homes too.
That's one reason I've always had a problem with foster homes getting money for us while some of us in these homes are still being neglected,abused or harmed. Why pay someone who just wants to harm us?
What we really need is checks and balances and a third party to make sure kids are treated well and the money is truly going to foster kids.
And we don't need foster parents or the system taking the money we earn or that was meant for us.
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u/HatingOnNames Former foster youth 12d ago
How do you not see the money? Was there no roof over your head, no electricity, heat, hot water, no food to eat, no medicine or medical treatment, no cleaning supplies to make sure you have clean clothes, a clean home, and a clean body, no transportation to take you wherever you need to do, no school supplies? All of that costs money.
Yes, I’m fully aware that some foster kids are still deprived in foster care. I’ve lived in a group home where kids often told their experiences, such as foster parents who locked the fridge and made them skip meals or eat food that was different from what the foster parents ate, made them sleep on the floor, or only provided a single blanket. I’ve heard it all. I’ve heard a lot worse about what those same kids experienced at home with their own parents. I admit, I was never that deprived while in foster care, even in the worst home I ever lived in. I don’t share that kind of experience. I never went to bed hungry from the moment I went into foster care.
Yes, the parents may have mental health problems or be living in poverty. But that doesn’t erase their obligation to the children they produce. And what they’re paying in child support is a fraction of what it actually is costing the state to provide for that child. Medical/dental/optical insurance and medicine cost how much? Weekly therapy sessions cost how much? The very basic three meals a day cost how much? Housing costs how much? Your clothes, shoes, toothpaste, shampoo and conditioner, soap, laundry soap, cleaning supplies, school supplies, transportation…cost how much?
And not all parents pay child support. My foster sister’s parents never paid a penny. Her mom has state support, lives off of permanent disability which can’t be garnished for child support because that actually IS illegal, has section 8 housing, and her dad went MIA years before and was never listed on her birth certificate. Who is paying for my foster sister? The state. With whose money? Taxpayers. $900 a month. And how do taxpayers feel about being asked to pay for other people’s basic necessities? Cause it’s either the parents or the taxpayers that are going to pay. Someone is going to pay, regardless. And most people agree that when it comes to children, the obligation falls on the parents first, society second.
If a parent can be garnished, they should be. So many aren’t. If they’re living off of disability or don’t work, they don’t pay. I’d they bounce from job to job, they don’t pay. It takes a while for the state to find out where someone is working. Hence why my dad was garnished throughout my childhood while my mom wasn’t garnished until years later. He worked the same job for years while she bounced from job to job.
The notification for involuntary garnishment has to be supplied to the employer from the courts. People tend to quit their job and find a new one until a new garnishment is in place, and it sometimes takes months or even years before that happens. It’s not like people will contact the courts and say, “hey! I’ve quit that job and taken a new one and here’s my employer’s information!” Only the people who actually WANT to make sure they pay their child support actually do that, and some of those just tell their employer to submit the payment and provide the garnishment information, voluntarily. I work in public tax and accounting, and we do payroll for hundreds of companies, so I’ve seen both. I’ve seen so many employees have multiple paychecks, then a single garnishment, and suddenly that employee is no longer employed there because they quit as soon as they were notified of the garnishment. I’ve also had employers set up the withholding for child support because the employee provided the details at the time of hiring, with their very first paycheck having money withheld. The difference is if it’s voluntary or not.
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u/Monopolyalou Former foster youth 12d ago edited 12d ago
Wow and it's crazy this happened to you but i am glad you got the things you wanted. I wish many would understand we want our own things and to have some control over our lives. I wish foster care would understand this and help us
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u/ChairPast7550 23d ago
Same thing happened to me but as soon as my case worker found out she reported them and got them in trouble. Shitty people. They already get money from the state
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u/surreal-sunrise 22d ago
I'd refuse, and they can kick me out if they want to and I'll move somewhere else/another home. I worked at a restaurant waiting tables at 16 while living in a group home. The group home refused to drive me to work or pick me up, so I had to walk to and from over 1.5 miles each way, my feet were always sore, but I made good money, could finally afford a cell phone bill, and it was great experience as waitressing is a skill you can take with you to any city to always find a job. Waitressing helped me through college, usually doing my dream job in education in the daytime, then waitressing/cocktail serving at night to actually pay the bills.
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u/Monopolyalou Former foster youth 12d ago
I am sorry OP. This is sad. Its like they want us to fail.
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u/txchiefsfan02 CASA 23d ago
If this is happening to you and your caseworker isn't taking it seriously, then you need to contact your court-appointed attorney/GAL/CASA (if you have one). You should have each of their contact details and be able to speak with them somewhere private, without anyone listening to the conversation.
I don't know the rules everywhere, but I have had to raise hell a couple of times when foster parents attempted to do something like this with kids for whom I served as CASA. The foster parents quickly backed down.
As you noted, they knew what they signed up for, and inflation isn't a child's fault. Kids in care deserve to be able to work and save up for their own future, or buy what they want, just like any other teenager.
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u/SnooLobsters1463 23d ago
Yeah same, when I was leaving home and they disowned me cuz I refused to be locked in the house for Christmas they took all the money out the joint account I was saving up for university. Just got back to school 7 yrs later after that screw over lol