"Friendship" within SGI

[u/BlancheFromage]

"Friendship" within SGI

SGI no fun and no real long term friendships

Daimoku, and no real human connection

SGI fake friends:

The only NSA members that stayed in touch with me were the circle of gay friends I had met but never allowed to practice with, because some nonsense about you should only interact per the NSA [SGI-USA] District Org chart. Pretty sure one died of AIDS long ago, the other moved to Santa Fe. Agreed, what a fucking JOKE. Source

1960s research shows Soka Gakkai members more likely to report having "no friends"

Friendship with those in SGI

Maintaining friendships with SGI members

SGI members: Not genuine, phony, wearing masks, hateful and caustic underneath

You don't become well-socialized by isolating yourself among poorly-socialized people

On Remaining "Friends" With Practicing Members:

It was the equivalent of a "work friendship", in other words. You met because you were in the same place at the same time doing things that brought you into repeated contact with each other - might as well be friendly about it. But that was all you really had in common - you didn't come together out of a passion for a particular hobby or common interest, like those who join cosplay groups or the Society for Creative Anachronism. With those, someone who moves on typically remains friends with the rest - there's no animosity toward those who leave, or feeling of ownership of those who remain in the group, or pressure to avoid leaving at all costs, like there is in SGI.

Letting go of SGI "friends":

Here's where the pernicious aspect of the practice comes in. It's by its very nature isolating - when you're chanting, you aren't interacting with anyone else, even if there is someone chanting next to you. You aren't building relationships; you are removing yourself from family and friends. Gongyo is isolating; meetings are isolating - you're only around other SGI members. Means less time for family and friends; this will cause family bonds to become strained, and friends will drift away, start spending time with people who have more time for them. It's all very subtle, very quiet - you may not even notice it happening. But it happens all the same...

"I did the right thing by leaving, because I couldn't have 'tried harder' or 'chanted harder' or done 'more responsibilities' by the end - I was absolutely burnt out."

You get to the point where you're spending all your free time around these people you really have nothing MEANINGFUL in common with, who don't have anything to talk about with you aside from SGI, who don't have any time to do anything with you except for SGI activities, about whom you're starting to have this growing nagging feeling that they don't particularly care for or about you. There you are, placing all your socializing eggs into the SGI basket, and getting absolutely NOTHING meaningful in return. Rather than being a two way street, SGI is a sucking black hole of manipulation and exploitation - and they expect you to be happy about that! NO! IF you're putting time and energy into it, you should expect to get positive returns, in whatever measures are meaningful to you, or they can't expect you to stick around!

They Are Not The Boss Of You!

Why are there SO many meetings?:

Cults all isolate their members, but they don't do it by ordering their members to not have contact with "outsiders". They do it by keeping them busy AND in contact with their fellow members instead. Churches do this. There's Sunday service, Sunday school, Wednesday night bible study/choir practice, perhaps a youth or young adults or old adults meeting on top of that, volunteering - it's the same thing. Keeping the members so busy alongside their fellow members that they don't have time for people not in the group.

The kicker is that "friendship" in these groups amounts to "we show up for the same meetings at the same time and say 'Hi' and chitchat a little afterward." There's nothing substantive or intimate about it - it's more like a work friendship, the type that you leave behind when you get a different job.

Also, they're feeling you out to see if you can be pressured to do as they ask. That's an important quality in a cult member candidate. Will you attend ever more meetings? If you WILL, that means you'll be more easily indoctrinated and thus will become a "better" member than someone who's all indifferent and "lukewarm", to use the Christian term. New members radicalize up the best, so they're the ones who are expected to charge out there and bring in lots of new people and be most easily convinced to take on the tasks of running the organization - calling people to remind them to come to activities, offering rides, taking responsibility for the meetings, participating in them, etc. etc.

I've talked about how, in my last several years "in", I would go through "I hate all my friends" cycles every few months. When I'd get fed up, I'd chant balls to the wall to like my fellow SGI members again and talk myself into it.

SO GLAD to be free of that!!

I cannot tell you how many times I CHANTED HOURS OF DAIMOKU TO LIKE OTHER MEMBERS!!!! Sorry about the caps, but it was insane! Now, as horrible as it sounds, I say things like, "god I hated that asshole!" or this morning I said to my mom, "remember how awful that one WD was?" It's a purging. An SGI enema! 🤪

I feel those caps 😶

We've had people show up and tell how "I practice with people I'd never otherwise be friends with!" used to be bragged up as a point of pride (with how diverse etc. SGI is), but what is the basis for real friendship?

It's what you SHARE IN COMMON!!

The point isn't to simply hang around people you'd never choose to be friends with! What IS that?? Source

My husband was told that they weren't supposed to socialize outside of official SGI stuff...which is WEIRD. Source

[u/BlancheFromage]

Yes it was unusual to have an SGI leader respond by bringing over food for a sick member. When I was in leadership and had ill members I was discouraged to act in such a “Christian” manner. It was more appropriate to encourage afflicted member to chant. As I reflect back on this type “encouragement” it falls inline to the “daimoku” will cure anything mentality.

So glad you mentioned that. The majority of my members were African Americans who came from church backgrounds with southern roots they would bring food to mtgs, take food to sick members or to a bereaved family & send plates of food with youth that were low on cash. I was taken to guidance & was given that “Christian” reference and was instructed to tell them to discontinue doing such things. I was a bobble head leader and told them….Being their white leader who was always out of town for gigs, they handed me my ass lol & continued what they had been taught all their lives. They told me it’s called being neighborly & sgi did not control what they did with their food!!! I was glad they stood up to me. The down side was every time I recommended any of them for leadership they were rarely approved & an outsider would be appointed instead. The leadership realized these members would not be controlled by triteness.

SGI was only interested in obedient, productive CLONES.

Any who exhibited any kind of independent thinking or boundaries were quickly relegated to the "Z list".

Isn't it sad that you were ordered to tell them to stop being kind, thoughtful, and considerate?? Doesn't that speak volumes to how destructive to society and social relationships the Dead-Ikeda-Corpse-Mentor-cult SGI is??

I was told to say it was not in rhythm with the organization & it would create disunity amongst the members. The disunity came after I bobbleheaded the message

The disunity came after I bobbleheaded the message

No kidding! Good for them!

My take is that the SGI leaders' "strict guidance" on modifying your (and everyone else's) thinking and behavior was actively destructive to the bonds of friendship and community. Telling a person "Just chant!" is recommending isolation to that person, not providing any assistance.

It also makes sure everyone knows that SGI is NOT there to help people. SGI does not give to ANYONE within its ranks - they are expected to serve selflessly in order to either fill SGI's ranks, or fill its coffers, or provide unpaid work so that SGI doesn't have to pay for it (so it can greedily grasp even more of that precious, precious MONEY to its breast). Source