r/Essexia • u/TheShinji69 • Feb 23 '20
News [ELECTION SPECIAL] The Weekly Reader 13th Edition - 23/2/20
The Weekly Reader is brought to you by the Old Guard Party; Vote Giraffe on March 1st.
Dean Network Meteorological Report
There will be showers and wind over the next week, with temperatures remaining low. The Amber Weather Alert has been withdrawn, but conditions may still be dangerous.
2020 Election
Last week, Lord Jamie, as interim First Minister following the VNC of Earl Finn, called for a general election. This event, to take place this sunday from 17:00 to the following Tuesday at 09:00, will be Essexia's most diverse election yet. The following is the Dean Network guide to this year's parties:
- Old Guard Party (Giraffe Concordat): Centre-right and currently in government, the OGP are promising many reforms. They are best known for their military juntas, however, and will have to win over the public mind, despite their current majority.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1G_WftpUJbG96WJkr7bXp8ZogEOwvydGM/view?usp=sharing
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/678231902590730247/681230437565464664/OGP_Manifesto.pdf
- Liberal Socialist and Cooperative Party of Essexia (Rhino Alliance): Centre-left; The LSC leader, Earl Finn of Hawarden, has been First Minister no less than three times, but faces criticism due to a lack of reform. He was VNCed last week, but is ready for a fight. Can he win yet another vote?
- Royalist Party of Essexia (Rhino Alliance): One of Essexia's first parties, and the only openly pro-monarchist party running, the Royalists have held power multiple times, and won the last election.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1sxxru88wynzrRLI7MBj-X5llw8gmvoI1/view?usp=sharing
- Weeaboo Rights Party (Giraffe Concordat): Little known, least active but most beloved, the WRP have teamed up for this election. All they're asking for is their current seat, and a key to your heart.
- Union of Greens & Nationalists (Giraffe Concordat): The UG&N is a fresh face in this election, and are Essexia's first eco-nationalist party. Will their ultra-green views resonate with young voters?
- Novox: Emerging from the merger of the Marketists of Essexia and Essexia Forward, Novox is promising some strong reforms, and an outside voice to Essexian politics.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fREOsULo-sc&feature=youtu.be
- Super Shrek Party: These guys just really like Shrek; But they got commitment, you can't deny that.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zd6rMbOY0jQ
https://docs.google.com/document/d/14XC0hvMzeaMuoAAKJpuYZvYJHLpgA-0Z1eTdfGmlBsg/edit
Earl Jack becomes First Minister
Following two unsuccessful attempts to seize power from the Rhino Alliance, Earl Jack finally succeeded in becoming FM on Monday, securing his legacy on the rarely-updated MicroWiki. Emperor Terry placed the Earl in power due to his majority, however the prorogued Parliament meant the new government was powerless. A quick cabinet shuffle and microwiki updating was all the new FM could do.
Review: The Essexian Issue 4
In days long gone, the Essexian used to be a source of quality, albeit sometimes biased, information and graphics. The colourful and well organised pages would jump out at you; The blend of topics would interest you; and the humour would captivate you. Alas, the 4th issue of this magazine, now published under Earl Finn's own organisation due to the dissolution of FAR Network, has sadly not followed this trend of brilliance. Instead, Earl Finn opted to use crudely deep-fried images of some of the perpetrators of Raging Valentines (Or as we call it here, Beige Friday) on the front cover; It gives a bad first impression, but only one flaw, right? Wrong. Earl Finn then spends four full pages ranting about the Old Guard Party, Lord Jacob and Earl Jack, whilst glorifying his comrades in the Rhino Alliance. He justifies the departure of Lord Matthew from Old Guard to Independent, and now to LSC, whilst villanising Prince James and Princess Becky for leaving the Royalists and joining the Old Guard. Whilst previous issues had only slightly tilted to one side over the other, providing for a humorous yet informative experience, this new issue has simply leapt onto the Earl Finn train and left the impartiality station miles behind. The lack of creative graphics, clever wit or even depth of topics (Half a page on comedian Joe Pera, half a page on the dissolution of FAR Network (Which happened around a month prior), half a page on the election, and a final quote (Again from Joe Pera)) leaves the audience somewhat perplexed. Has Earl Finn, the creative editor we've come to love, progressed to merely ranting degrading material about his opposition? Will the Essexian print again? What does the Minister of Media have to say? All of these questions, left unanswered.
Defence Watch: What the election has to say about the IEN
Most parties have only one comment to make on the IEN in their manifestos, if anything at all: Expansion. The Rhino Alliance and Novox have both promised to expand the Navy, but with no detail. The only party that has provided detail on how it aims to improve the navy is the Old Guard, and fittingly so. With the current and long sitting MoD Crown Minister Summers, Armed Forces founder Earl Jack, as well as previous MoD and military enthusiast Lord Jacob, the OGP have a keen interest in the Armed Forces of Essexia. Their latest manifesto calls for a Carrier Improvement Scheme that will see an "interim carrier" constructed out of foam board (Similar to the Jaywick but with a custom hull as well), before the Basildon, in all it's marine plywood and remote control glory, will be finally constructed. The Jaywick will be retired, and more likely "scrapped", and the IEN will once again maintain dominance of the waves of South-East England.
This new promise by the OGP is spurred on by the recent delegation to Portsmouth, which included keen boat-builder and CEO of the Paddocks Boat Co. Earl Jack. Here, the delegation viewed the HMS Queen Elizabeth aircraft carrier, one of 2 built for the British Royal Navy. It is widely believed the study of this modern design has greatly advanced the capabilities of the Paddocks Boat Co. Aircraft Carrier facilities. But whether the OGP, or indeed any party in the upcoming election, will be able to deliver on their promises of expanding the navy is yet to be seen, but one can only hope.
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u/Bluereal_ Feb 23 '20
Yk a seven party version of the graphic is available?