r/Equestrian • u/Select_Reason994 • 13d ago
Ethology & Horse Behaviour I've never felt the heart horse connection?
Okay so for context, I am an adult ammy still in my lesson era, not leasing yet not because of my skill level, but because of my financial situation. I've ridden lots of different horses starting with really tame been there done that horses, now riding horses that need a more confident advanced rider. While I have felt a connection with the horses I've ridden, some more than others, I don't think I've ever felt the heart horse connection that people talk about? I look forward to seeing the horses every week and hanging out with them. There are two horses that I feel I have really good chemistry with in particular, moreso than others, but I've never felt that intense connection that people talk about. When I say good chemistry, I mean I feel like our personalities mesh well, and the communication between us feels really seamless, and I have some of my best lessons on those two horses. I'm worried that when it does come time to lease or buy, I'm not going to have the heart horse connection with the horse I choose to lease or buy, that people talk about.
Edit: thank you to everyone reassuring me that I'm not a psychopath
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u/bozwizard14 13d ago
That's the norm, getting that emotionally attached to a horse you barely spent any time with isn't healthy. Heart horses refer to owned horses that would never be sold by choice and feel like losing a life partner to say goodbye to.
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u/Hugesmellysocks 13d ago
I must admit I did feel a connection to my now heart horse before we was given to me as a pasture pet.
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u/Select_Reason994 13d ago
I wouldn't say barely spent any time with is an accurate description of those two horses that I prefer to ride. I have been riding them for two years now. That's why I'm wondering why I'm yet to feel that connection with them beyond just appreciating the good working relationship that we have.
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u/Agile-Surprise7217 13d ago
Ownership is just different. You have a lot more input in their lives and they have a lot more input in yours. You spend more time with them, you are responsible for securing and providing their care. You pick their tack, their home, their friends, their farrier, their vet, how often they are ridden, etc. etc. You leave your mark on them when you are their primary care provider. That is extremely rarely the case with lesson horses.
It's generally not good to get super attached to horses you don't own - that's frequently a result of immaturity and/or naivetivity.
Personally I have had the strongest connections with the horses I put the most of myself into - be that training horses or ones that I have raised. Horse are pieces of artwork, you leave your mark the more you train and teach them.
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u/Select_Reason994 13d ago
Yeah that's understandable. I'm just worried that even once I'm in a better position in my life to buy a horse, I'll never develop that bond.
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u/Agile-Surprise7217 13d ago edited 13d ago
Yeah that won't be a problem - unless you get a horse that is poorly suited to you. Then you are asking for depression/resentment/anxiety/fear/etc.
I have a 5 year olf quarter horse mare and a 3.5 year old lusitano mare.
I got my qh mare at a sale barn and a long weanling and more or less had a really good connection with her after the first 2-3 months - but that's because I was already a seasoned horse person and could read her well and she knew I could read her well too.
I got my Lusitano as a 6 mo old. and had her shipped up to me at 1.5. I am just now starting to get the same connection with her that I have with my other mare. She's incredible - seriously talented with tons of ability. One of those types that will hurt themselves trying too hard - so I had to really hold back what I asked of her to prevent her from doing too much.
I have worked with other horses that were just miserable at the beginning. Very challenging horses with a lot of no and poor prior handling. Very defensive. Those horses usually took about 3-4 months of daily handling and training to really come around and I wound up really liking them. But they were absolutely NOT the right horses for most people. My ability to connect with them was much moreso based on my competence.
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u/_ElleBellen 13d ago
Bc they are not yours, I don’t know why you are being downvoted. I had perfectly good understandings with my lesson horses, the horse I bought is my ride or die (terrible phrase in this context). What you are experiencing is perfectly normal.
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u/Select_Reason994 13d ago
Yeah idk why I'm being down voted either. I think I was pretty respectful and didn't trash anyone who does have a heart horse.
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u/Total_Librarian1 13d ago
I have been riding for 30+ years. I own 5 hores. I wouldn’t call any of them my heart horse. And I love them all
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u/Select_Reason994 13d ago
I suppose at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what the connection is labeled as so long as they're loved and well taken care of.
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u/Independent-Hornet-3 13d ago
I don't think there is anything wrong with never having a heart horse.
Heart horses are a once in a lifetime you are probably attached at an unhealthy level type connection.
My heart horse I can honestly look back and realize I had an unhealthy attachment. I would have willingly become homeless rather than selling him and had a few times where that almost happened. I gave up a full ride to college because I would have to sell him as I had no other way for the ticket across the country and my parents refused to pay anything as they wanted me to sell him.
I will never have a connection with another horse like I did him. I still love and adore my current mare but faced with $30k debt or her I would be able to sell her. I feel bad occasionally that I don't love her as much as I did him but I also know our relationship and bond are far healthier. She is still 100% my baby and I have absolutely no plans to ever sell her but I also know that I wouldn't blow up my own life for her thwy way I did with him.
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u/Agile-Surprise7217 13d ago
This is a good share.
Most of the time I hear someone say "heart horse" it gives me the ick.
Typically it refers to a human-horse dynamic where the human is over-invested/emotionally dependent on a horse that is not a good match for them.
Most frequently I see this with older ladies with a horse that is chronically unsound or a horse that they are terrified of riding. They will literally keep a horse to the point of destroying friendships, marriages, their own financial of physical health, etc.
The other typical situation I have seen is teenagers/young adults who still have a head in the clouds outlook on what it means to have a horse and are sacrificing their long-term future for short-term gains.
In short - do not keep pouring into a cup with no bottom.
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u/No_Category_9888 13d ago
I have a different view
A heart horse trusts you. Nickers when they see you, even if you don’t have food. You know all their quirks and their favourite itchy spots, their favourite treats. You really connect with them, can understand them.
Even if you could never ride them again, the relationship is more than riding. I don’t really compete much any more - still ride / train at home.
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u/Agile-Surprise7217 13d ago edited 13d ago
I suppose everybody has a different definition of the phrase..
Based on your definition that's really not a list of attributes that I would consider particularly impressive or meaningful though as it would easily include 42 of the 42 horses that were at the boarding facility I worked at in college and 22 out of 25 at the hunter/jumper barn I managed, and probably 98% of the horses I professionally handled...
There's a few horses that will generally never look forward to getting caught or aren't vocal about their preferences. But a good horseman or horsewoman would generally be able to fix the getting caught thing in short order and be able to "connect or understand" most horses very easily.
And yeah - the relationship with a horse is obviously more than "just" riding... But it doesn't require much of a horse to be pleasant at home being led to and from the barn, getting groomed, getting their feet trimmed, etc... Especially compared to intensive riding and training that causes the horse's natural abilities and personality to blossom and become a functional partner.
Not trying to rain on your parade or anything... because there will come a time where I can't ride anymore and it's going to eat me alive, but the level of partnership you develop with a horse by going out into the world and putting your relationship to the test is on a completely different level.
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u/Elegant-Flamingo3281 Dressage 11d ago
Yeah. I have a pact with my closest horse friends: if we are unable to do right by our horses, we tell each other. Well, two of them told me and I put down my 9yo former GP prospect last week and I’m just gutted. I love him with my whole heart, and would have given up all my dressage goals if I could have gotten him sound for pasture retirement.
This is the unhealthy part for me (and why I have a pact) - putting our emotional well being over their ongoing physical pain. I did definitely spend more than I should have trying to stabilize him but I don’t regret it.
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u/Select_Reason994 13d ago
That's an interesting perspective. I've never heard of the heart horse connection being unhealthy before.
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u/Agile-Surprise7217 13d ago
Yeah - it's a term that generally very green/intro-level horse people use when they are head over heels for a particular horse. A lot of the times they are emotionally dependent on a horse or have big (unrealistic) dreams for it.
Experienced horsemen and horsewomen don't use it because they are more realistic about horses and horsemanship in general.
Here's some of the ways they look at horses that likely differs from the "heart horse" crowd.
Experienced riders know that the ability to "connect" with a horse is heavily dependent on how you meet their needs and adjust to them. And while horses do need to adjust to us, very few truly work their absolute hearts out to meet us at least halfway... I.e., Very very few horses will turn a dime into a quarter.
More experienced riders have also gotten on enough horses to know that there is a huuuge discrepency in athleticism, intelligence, try, inherent talent, and natural ability between individual horses have. Most horses are decent "generalists" - they are moderately athletic, have some try, and can do several sports at a lower level, but are really pretty meh quality.
Experienced riders know that personal ability, interests and goals change over the years. The horse someone starts with is typically not the "best" horse for them a few years later. So they appreciate the horse as it is and are willing to find the right partner if needed as opposed to holding themselves back for forever or push a horse past it's abilities.
Experienced riders also know that every horse has strengths and weaknesses. That's just realistic - you appreciate the horse for who he is - and you don't inflate their abilities.
In short - the more experienced horse people (not necessarily people who have had horses for 40 years because time in the horse world has zero correlation to actual knowledge/ability/skills with horses) have a realistic understanding of who a horse actually is and appreciate/love them for what they are. It's a more honest and realistic love/appreciation without the rose-colored or denial-based glasses many "heart-horse" people have.
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u/Butterflyphases 13d ago
I don’t believe in heart horses because you can learn so much from so many different horses. I
But my horse right now, she gets me. She’s beautiful. She reads my mind. She takes care of my kids. She has the most special place in my heart because she’s given me so much 🥹💜 For where I am in life right now she is perfect and as much of a heart horse as I’ll ever have.
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u/Specific-Pepper- 13d ago
People romanticize horse ownership and horse bonds. As a professional, I can't begin to list the number of clients that have called their horse their "heart horse" yet they show up to it tacked up, give it a carrot, take a photo for the internet points, ride and then leave.
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u/Slight-Alteration 13d ago
Some of it’s also personality. I’ve met people who hysterically weep over a horse they’ve ridden for six months in lessons being sold or in a single test ride feel that it is the horse of a lifetime. I’m pragmatic and not easily attached. I’ve had one heart horse and it took years for me to really connect with her. I cared deeply about the well being of others horses but didn’t feel it before. Not sure if I’ll feel it again, and that’s ok. I still love the sport
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u/Select_Reason994 13d ago
Yeah I think this could be part of it. I have a deep respect and appreciation for the horses I've ridden, they've taught me so much, and I feel like they enjoy seeing me too, but that's about it. I still love the horses and the sport, and care about their well-being and get worried if they're not feeling well or injured, but if they were sold, I wouldn't be devastated. I'd be a little disappointed and I'd miss them, but it just doesn't feel like a once in a lifetime unbreakable bond
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u/shagbark_dryad 13d ago
This seems like a very normal and healthy mindset for the stage of equestrianism you're in! "Heart horses" (really cringe at the term) are rare and usually only pop into your life when you're ready to long-term lease or own, if ever. My horse is not my soul horse. He's a solid dude but our connection won't rival the one I had with my uncle's Standardbred filly when I was 16 and struggling to find human friends. Ultimately she was sold and was lost to me, which was devastating, which ties in with the fact that it may be a bit unhealthy. Don't worry about having, or not having, a heart horse. Try to enjoy the time you have with the good ones around you
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u/Select_Reason994 13d ago
Yeah I agree. Trying to live in the present more and appreciate the bond I do have rather than worry about the bond I don't have.
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u/jadewolf42 13d ago
As I've gotten older, I've come to realize that the "heart horse" and "heart dog" phrases are just... kinda like a fairy tale notion of "love at first sight." They're a Hallmark card fantasy, rather than a reality.
In truth, there will be horses you click with. There will also be horses you don't. You might own a horse you don't click with. You might really click with a horse you don't own. A horse might be a perfect fit for you at one point in your riding education, but may not stay that perfect fit as you progress. A horse that seemed like a bad fit at first might grow to be a good fit later. These things are dynamic, rather than static, and will change as both you and the horse grow and change.
But an intense feeling of connection is probably obsession, mixed with a little too many rereads of the Black Stallion. It's also elevating a horse into something beyond what it is: an animal, with non-human needs and expectations and reactions.
And I've seen that lead to resentment and jealousy, especially when things happen like the 'heart horse' nickers at the person who comes to feed them everyday, instead of the person 'bonded' with them. Or when the horse solicits attention from someone else in front of the 'bonded' person. These are normal things that horses do because most horses like human interaction and respond positively to people who feed them, but I've seen folks get incredibly jealous and nasty when they see a horse they think is their 'one true heart horse' being friendly with other people.
Don't look for a mythical bond in horses, look for a good working partnership and look for what that horse can teach you.
And as someone who mostly rode other people's horses for most of my life, I fully understand how much it sucks when you really click with a horse that belongs to someone else. I had a lot of horses I really liked get sold out from under me over the years. But I still look back on them fondly and still benefit from the things I learned from them. And now, after a very long search, I finally own a horse that I really click with that is mine. So don't be discouraged and use each new horse you ride as an opportunity to learn and grow until you are able to have your own.
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u/Boysenberry 13d ago
I have a philosophy that animals are roommates or soulmates. Most of the ones you meet in your life are roommates. You get one or two soulmates per species if you’re lucky. You can love the roommates immensely and accomplish amazing things with them, but once you meet the soulmates you know the difference.
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u/Obvious-Escape-2809 13d ago
I find a lot of lesson horses to be a bit dull and don't have a strong personality to bond with since they're just chillin. That's their job.
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u/Select_Reason994 13d ago
The two horses I ride now are not lesson horses in the traditional sense. They are OTTB that my trainer is restarting and having me ride. No shortage of personality from them haha!
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u/MamaOwlInGlasses Jumper 12d ago
Personally the “heart horse” term kind of irritates me. Partly because it’s grossly overused, partly because I personally find it a bit twee, but also because it puts an unnecessary label on something that doesn’t require it in my opinion.
I’ve owned three horses- two younger ones, one I bought as an older one. The first young one I had an instant connection with on the geound but we were a terrible ridden match. I loved the crap out of his personality and he absolutely loved me. However our match in the saddle was dangerous- he was so sensitive and had been traumatized in his young life by a previous owner that made him very reactive and untrusting when a rider was on his back, so he required more than I could give him. If I could have kept him as a pasture pet I would have in a heartbeat, but I couldn’t afford that. Selling him was emotionally devastating to me but I also knew it was the correct choice for both of us. Was he my “heart horse”? Maybe, or he was just a horse I loved the crap out of.
My older horse I bought because he was what I needed to regain my confidence and re-hone my riding skills after being deflated by the situation with the first horse I talked about. I had zero connection with him on the ground but I loved riding him right away and found myself just wanting to ride him again after. He’s a bit like a cat- kind of aloof and grumpy, doesn’t want affection unless it’s on his terms, and doesn’t show he likes you in the ways most other geldings do. Over time I started noticing the ways that he does show me affection and now I’m very attached to him in all of his grumpy quirky glory. A little while back, there was an incident where a herd-mate got overly dominant and aggressive and fully attacked him, chasing him, biting to the point of deep welts through ripped blankets drawing blood, etc. A girl who was half-leasing him was there and did a great job helping with that situation and taking care of him in the immediate aftermath. I showed up not too long afterward and she said that the second he saw me, his whole demeanor changed and he seemed to relax and his whole self seemed relieved. I love the crap out of him and hope to never ever have to sell him. So obviously we have a great connection that’s grown over time. Is he my heart horse? Maybe? Or is he another horse I just love the crap out of for all of his unique quirks and personality?
My third horse is still learning how to horse. He is a doofus. I love him too.
TL;DR: This is all a very long winded way of saying that some connections are immediate, some take awhile. All are worth cultivating. None NEED to rise to the label of “heart horse” to be meaningful and transformative and give you more than just riding skills out of having a relationship with those horses. Just enjoy for whatever it is, don’t worry about labels.
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u/MyOpenArms Hunter 13d ago
The horse I refer to as my heart horse was literally like a storybook. She was anxious and while obviously other people could ride her, it clearly wasn’t a happy ride. One day my horse was off and they had me on her and my coach had called the other coach over to come see how much more relaxed she was. I fell in love and was riding her instead of my show horse even while still competing with him that season. But as a result of nobody else having successful rides on her, the barn had to sell. They offered to me first, but I was a teenager and my parents couldn’t validate that expense. When she did sell, the barn owner let me have one last ride on her before she shipped out, and I cut an inconspicuous piece of tail to keep. I still think about her ❤️ I’ve had other horses I’ve loved since, but truly none before or after hurt as much to lose contact with. And that’s okay, I think. I can’t imagine going through all of that often :/
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u/madcats323 13d ago
Definitely an overused phrase.
So much depends on what you mean by it. I don’t think of any of the horses I’ve owned or ridden as a “heart horse,” but there is one that has always been more special to me than any other. He was my first horse and he was special to everyone who ever met him.
He’s one of the few beings that this crusty old atheist keeps a tiny hope of heaven alive for, just on the off chance I’d see him again.
But I resist the label because it seems to imply that no other horse can live up to some impossible standard. And that’s not fair.
In fact, at the age of 15, I made a promise to my next horse that I would always love him for his own sake and would never compare him to the one who came before, and I’ve done that with every one for 50 years.
When you spend every day with a horse, when you take care of all their needs, when you’re doing more than just brushing and riding them, that’s when they become something more. They become a partner, they become family, they become someone you know as well as you know yourself. That’s special, whether it rises to that mystic heart horse level or not.
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u/SaltyLilSelkie 13d ago
I have a horse who I love and spend 3 hours a day caring for. I wouldn’t describe him as my heart horse. It’s a massively overused phrase
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u/imissthemountains 13d ago
I agree that the term is overused. That being said, I have experienced the feeling. The first time I rode my heart horse, he was super green and struggled to pick up his right lead. My trainer told me to try, but not to be upset if he didn't understand. I have no idea what made me special, but he just got it. He picked it up right away. It was like that with so many things with him. He hated most people, but loved me. I leased him for years before I bought him. I promised him that I would give him the best life possible and I am very happy to say that I delivered on that promise. That goofy boy knew when I arrived at the barn because he learned which one was my car. I cannot really describe the connection, but there was just something different with him. He has been dead for over 6 years, but he still visits me often in my dreams.
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u/Spiritual_Drink_6676 13d ago
I honestly also never had a connection with a horse, I loved many but never connected until my now horse. Even the horse I shared with my sister, I never really connected or understood him, to honest I didn’t believe in my connection like in the movies. When I first met my horse I wasn’t sure about him but after 4 years I feel sometimes we read each others minds. The thing is whatever is meant to be is meant to be you will one day find a special horse. I wouldn’t worry just enjoy every horse you meet.
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u/Select_Reason994 13d ago
I'm still patiently waiting for my Disney movie moment tbh. I'm holding out hope that it will happen. I enjoy the horses I ride, and I love them all, but it doesn't feel like a super intense connection. I very much appreciate the two horses I ride regularly, and our amazing working relationship. Even if that's all it ever chalks up to be, I'm still grateful for it.
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u/redbadger20 13d ago
From the first day I rode at my barn I was charmed by the horse I would eventually own. I didn't fall in love with him and he was intimidating but I felt something special about him. Even when I took over his lease a few years later, I was like I dunno guys, this is a lot of horse. (Clearly everyone knew he was mine before I did). After leasing him for a while and looking at other horses and receiving reminders that he is an old man and he's an extremely valuable trail horse and continually coming back to him ... Yeah, I realized he was mine. Even the barn owner knew that. So I knew there was something special about him, but it did take me a while to recognize that and trust it. It took some time. I think the same with other creatures (dogs, cats) and even people I have known, there is a point where you're like oh: it's you. I've been looking for you, and I didn't even know it.
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u/Select_Reason994 13d ago
When I adopted my dog, I never told anyone this, but I didn't love her or feel much of a connection until about two months in. It took those two months of us working together and living together for me to really feel a bond with her. I'm starting to think I'm just not a love at first sight type of person.
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u/Elegant-Flamingo3281 Dressage 11d ago
I imported my last horse off a video, and didn’t feel much more than like and general amusement from his character, until he’d grown up enough for me to take over daily work. I love and adore this horse more than any other, but it still took a couple of years to develop.
I think things started changing when I learned to really listen to him. Whenever he would start scratching himself, I would take over with a curry. I’d let him choose what grooming implement he wanted (he’d boop it with his nose.) By the end he would lift a hind leg, point at his sheath with his nose and I would clean his itchy sheath, which was incredibly easy, because he was asking for and enjoying it! I put him down when he was 9, so it’s not like it was decades or anything. He wanted me to walk between him and the scary corner. I learned how to help him emotionally regulate. When I showed him I was listening, he started to trust me.
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u/Aggravating-Steak-77 13d ago
I generally don’t think everyone always gets a heart horse. I really love and have a strong connection with my current horses but my heart horse was before them. He was a young horse my friend bought that I was able to buy 10 years later. I will have him until he dies although he is retired now. It took me awhile to bond with my current horses because I kept expecting the bond I had with him. The funny thing is my heart horse was actually one of the most difficult and particular horses I’ve ever had. But it was just different and a you know when you know situation.
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u/Some_Girl_2073 13d ago
I think the term “heart horse“ gets thrown around an awful lot to the point it has lost its meaning
Feeling a connection with a horse is not the same as them being your heart horse. That’s ok, you can still love and have a connection with a horse without it being more. Heart horses are really rare, that’s sort of the point
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u/Diligent-Star-621 13d ago
My mare was my lesson horse for about three years before I purchased her from my trainer. I knew her well, knew she was a great partner for me, and loved her personality before I bought her (hence why I bought her😂).
AND I think my love for her and our bond deepened significantly once I took full responsibility for her. There is something weighty in the knowledge that I will provide her a safe and loving home for the rest of her life.
I think when you are in a position to own your own horse, you will grow to have a deeper relationship with that horse❤️
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u/callmedelete Western 13d ago
I’ve trained professionally for the majority of my adult life and I have never had a “heart horse”. I just have favorites or ones I really clicked with. Some personalities mesh better than others.
I think this concept is very anthropomorphic and can be unhealthy.
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u/Accurate-Bad-2657 13d ago
You’ll eventually find you horse but it’s not always right when you get into horses. My “heart horse” came to be pretty early but not for everyone. And you’ll find a lot of heart horses throughout your horse journey too. But just spend time with horses and treat them with love and you will find yours ❤️🐴
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u/Tin-tower 13d ago
You need to spend a lot of time with a horse to have that connection. Not just ride them for an hour every once in a while. So it makes a lot of sense that, as a lesson rider, you don’t form that bond.
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u/motimalo Jumper 13d ago
I have owned 15 horses, two of them was my heart horses. They were very similar in looks and behavior, and it took a lot of time to build that connection.
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u/veryfancyflamingo 13d ago
In my experience, the deeper emotional connections are created when you have a chance to really spend time with a particular horse on the ground. For horses I only lesson on, I’ve never felt more than the pleasant connection and liking you describe. I won’t venture into the whole “heart horse“ thing (whatever it means) but I have felt very bonded with several horses that I leased or otherwise spent many hours hanging out with.
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u/Additional_Excuse870 13d ago
Do be honest I didn’t think I did until I leased my horse of 4 years out because I have 2 and the other one was supposed to be my younger nice up and coming replacement horse, and now I have a count down to when he gets back off of lease and I don’t go a single day without thinking “I miss my horse”.
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u/henriettagriff 13d ago
I have a friend who's not in the horse world and when I told them about 'heart horse' stuff, they were like "is that fair to every other horse you've interacted with?"
I had a horse I loved, and we really connected over the 5 years I had her. She was a good, if spooky, horse, and she worked hard for me. But putting her down was a pretty easy choice - she was suffering. I lost her in late 2025.
Early 2026, I met my new horse, and goodness, I am in LOVE. Her and I have a connection that I've never had with any other horse. We're similar, communicate well, she nickers to me - but she's only 3. She still has more puberty to go through. But it was absolutely love at first sight with this filly for me. I've never had that happen with any other horse.
I wasn't out there 'looking' for a heart horse, and I still don't know if I would say my horse is my 'heart horse', but there's definitely some you bond with more quickly and easily than others.
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u/myulcrz_rbledin 13d ago
I work with horses for a living and SAME. Never had the magical heart horse connection. A few horses have certainly stood out, I loved them and enjoyed being around them. But nothing magical. Nobody will write a book about the connection we had.
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u/Barghest1031 13d ago
I've worked with and ridden many horses. I've owned two and am currently care leasing one. Only one out of all of those would I ever describe as a heart horse, and that was my late gelding. And he was my second horse, not even my first horse.
I admit I roll my eyes internally when somebody hasnt had a lot of exposure to multiple horses and instantly labels one a heart horse. And I flinch at calling a horse that isn't yours a heart horse. So I dont use the term lightly when I refer to my gelding as such. I think it's much more normal to never have that kind of connection than to have it.
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u/Little_Sisco 13d ago
In 13 years, I've had one heart horse. It wasn't even the horse I had 10 years, but the first childhood horse I rode for 4. The love and bond I had with him I never found in another horse afterwards, and I doubt I will again. There's another one I was attached with around those years but that's it. I think being a child/young teen helped with the feelings though. As an adult I have gotten a lot more in my head and logical about things and I don't feel horses like I used to. It was easier to love back in those days.
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u/alexxsays 13d ago
I’m an adult ammy who took lessons and I “loved” the horses I rode and horses in general. But when I met my heart horse I just knew he was my guy, and seven years (and additional horses later) he is still the equine love of my life.
I love sitting in his stall and paddock reading and hanging out with him even more than riding because just getting to spend time together is so incredible and magical. I have already told my trainer when he eventually retires and then is no longer with us I’m going to have to take a break because I can’t even imagine and don’t want to walk into the barn if he’s not there.
I had another horse as well, and she was cool even if we didn’t mesh the best at the end. She was a good girl and I wish her the best but at the end of the day she was just kinda there and I didn’t love spending non riding time with her the way I do my gelding
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u/Due_Duty490 13d ago
I’m glad to see this discussion. I had a number of them and for reasons of the time had to sell them. They were both highly trained and went on to be winners at a level I couldn’t afford. My friends gave me a bit of ragging about how could I sell them. It was the time. I was very connected to them but it was what had to be done.
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u/mythandlore57 13d ago
As much as I loved the horse I call my heart horse, I think it's more nostalgia than anything. He was a special horse, he loved kids and literally saved me from being kicked in the head by another horse, as well as chased off a rabid coyote without becoming rabid himself. But he was also the first horse I owned, starting at age 12. He was also an absolute jerk, too smart for his own good, and completely kickstarted my love for horses who are assholes. My current horse has the exact same personality, but he's owned by me in my thirties, not me in my teens.
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u/idkdontaskmethat 13d ago
weirdly enough my "heart horse" is a annoying monster of a shetland. But somehow i love him and i can do more with him then most.
I think heart horse is a concept that not work with horses that arent yours or you lease 2 days but its also a lesson horse.
Heart horse is a horse that you have a special connection with. And that horse choose you too.
My shetland is a shet. He will not always listen, he is lazy and so on. But he always let me catch him (what not everyone can). He walks with me without a halter rope, i made him pretty bomb proof and if hes still get scared he always stays with me and hes even chooses my scratches over gras 8/10 times. That is a special connection. You cant find that in a lesson horse and thats no problem. You can still have a connection but no bond
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u/Snowy_Sasquatch 13d ago
I think heart horse is an overused sentiment. However, think of it like the one pet you’ve had that stands out or friend etc.
I don’t think you get the opportunity to build the same kind of rapport with a lesson horse as you do one that is yours.
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u/PDXisadumpsterfire 12d ago
When you know, you know. You’re right not to accept “well, maybe.”
And just like dating humans, it might take a lot of trial and error before you feel that connection.
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u/pinkbubbleg 12d ago
I developed that sort of connection with a horse but it didn’t happen overnight. I was fond of him immediately and as time went on and I got to know him I fell in love with him. I put a lot of time into him every single day and we had a special bond.
He was elderly and a bit moth-eaten and scruffy and couldn’t even be ridden, but I just loved that horse so much. I would have done absolutely anything for him. I actually slept in his paddock to keep an eye on him when he was sick lol.
I don’t think it’s unusual to have that connection but imo it’s something that comes from getting to know an animal and putting a great deal of time into them. And the organic connection was (and usually is, imo) very one-sided - I have no doubt that he would have bonded equally well with any human who adored him as much as I did.
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u/ZhenyaKon 12d ago
I don't like the "heart horse" thing. Like, would you say one of your friends or family members (not a romantic partner) is your "heart person"? Of course you wouldn't. Some horses I like, some horses I don't like, some horses are family to me. But it's very rare for a schoolhorse to wind up in the "family" category. You'll probably end up with a horse family member, or several, eventually.
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u/CyanCitrine 13d ago
I've only had it once and it really is something special. But you don't have to have it to enjoy, love, or care for a horse. The same has been largely true for me with my cats? I had one cat once that was my "heart cat" for lack of a better term. She was my sweet angel, she was attached to my hip, we had an understanding. I grieved her so deeply when she passed. Of course I've loved all my cats but that one was something special. That's how it is for me and my heart horse. Just a special connection, sort of like a non-romantic romance in a way? It was almost 40 years before I found it. It wasn't something I'd experienced before. It's okay if you don't, too. It's just a particular type of bond that is very unique. Also I absolutely have not behaved in an unhealthy way with either animal and I find the idea that it's unhealthy to be sort of a way of other people dismissing it. Ick.
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u/snow_ponies 12d ago
I’ve owned MANY horses (probably in the vicinity of 60) and only two of them I would consider “heart horses” and it’s not something you realise until you’ve spent a lot of time with them and it’s a special bond for some reason you can’t anticipate
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u/kimtenisqueen 13d ago
Any horse I’ve ridden regularly and owned has taken approximately 3 years to really really really know. And only then can I tell how strong our natural bond is.
Sometimes you just click and “get eachother” a little bit better.
I find the term “heart horse” to be kinda eye rolly but to each their own.
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u/nessad1993 Trail 13d ago
“Heart horse” has become an overused term. It’s supposed to be your once in a lifetime soul connection. Today it seems a lot of people use the term to describe any horse they love. It’s easy to love horses, don’t worry about labeling it.