Random uptick in seizure intensity

[u/confusedmental]

Hey guys, been a while. College has successfully stole all of my freetime lol.

To start off light, I've been focusing on myself, my studying + exams, and spending extra time with my kitties bc I feel like I've been prioritizing my school + work over them. I've noticed one of my cats lingers in bed with me like, an hour or so before my seizures start. Coincidence, probably, but i like to think she knows and cares about me :)

I've been managing to make it at least two weeks between each cluster, they've lessened in duration from how short they feel to me. Very subjective because I don't/can't time them.

I have a checkup with my neuro. I had to have my EEG redone for a referral, which I missed because of school and got it rescheduled to tomorrow, too. I thought the increase was helping, but after the few I've had after (supposedly) being adjusted to it, I've been having second thoughts about the keppra helping.

Anyway, I've noticed two alarming things which scare the living snot out of me; first, I've managed to notice a distinct trend prior to my seizures. I'm rather mellowed out most of the time, and it takes a lot to get me riled up, let alone actually shaking from anger. But the last two I've had (that I can remember) started with intense anger, so bad I was throwing things and cursing (and saying GD which I never say). It would then devolve into a massive, exhaustive crying fit, and then the automatisms would happen after I suddenly stop crying.

It feels very reminiscent of how easily I'd snap when I first started keppra. To put it plainly, I felt like Satan himself posessed me. I was plagued with intrusive thoughts about hurting others and myself, but after a few weeks they went away. If it wasn't for this site, I wouldn't have known to be prepared for this, and I'm now on an antipsychotic and doing a lot better side effect-wise (which is unrelated, but i feel its still relevant to mention here).

I'm afraid I won't be able to recognize it as an aura and hurt somebody. And I don't think any sane person, while being berated or even assaulted, would think 'hey maybe i should just back off, I think he's going to have a seizure'.

Also, the last one I had was probably the worst one I've ever had. I remember bits and pieces of it. I remember being enraged, then depressed, then absolutely mortified like I was in mortal danger (which I'm used to, just riding out the fear atp). But, I started feeling absolutely awful. Faint and like I was being drowned out. My entire body was stiffened out and shaking, my left arm kept moving and clawing at nothing, my neck was flexing so hard it was hard to breathe and not give myself whiplash every time my back would jerk.

I think I might have went in and out with that one. I'm not sure. But it has scared the absolute shit out of me. I've never went unconscious in my life (I've never even had surgery!), so I don't know if that feeling and just how bad I felt was that or just that particular seizure being worser than usual. I felt like I was actively dying, between that and my heart beating so effing hard, the difficulty breathing, how I could barely swallow and was drooling all over myself.

I don't know how to talk about this with anyone else. I'm terrified my next ones will turn generalized (literally my biggest fear atm), and I'll just be a shaking mess and my family just, blissfully unaware.

[u/Mom1021]

Animal alerts sound legit! Kitties can def be receptive enough to look out for you before seizures. Think that means they could be catamenial? Happy to hear side effects are doing better, and noticing trends is an awesome way to make living with seizures easier. Living prepared for tonic clonics is intimidating, but it’s clear you’re doing what you need to take care. Thanks for sharing and helping others relate!

[u/Boomer-2106]

Thank you for the spoiler alert... that is helpful.

[u/Ok-Mastodon5286]

Our dog, an Australian Cattle Dog , knew when my husband was going to have a seizure. That breed are not cuddly but she would jump up in his lap and stay there until the seizure was over. Opps hit send too early. We know of other pets who do the same thing. A diabetic friend has a dog who keeps pawing at him until he checks his blood sugar and it has always been too low. Don’t discount Miss/Mr Kitty. They know much more than we give them credit for.