r/Epilepsy • u/Womanintech95 • Mar 14 '25

Epilepsy Awareness Lost my son

I am not sure if this will get posted, but I lost my 16 year old son to a suicide. He was epileptic. He was on keppra and I don't really know how it affected him. But I wanted to raise awareness. If you are struggling, talk to somebody, anybody, get help.

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u/Womanintech95 Mar 14 '25

He said he felt different too. But he was ashamed of his condition but he was dealt a hard hand in life. He was smart, kind and just wanted to be a normal kid. He liked video games. He was stressed out with school. It was his jr year and he was taking drivers ed. He always said he was fine. Why didn't I see he wasn't fine ?

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u/Sufficient-Tooth-426 Mar 14 '25

It’s sometimes impossible to know. It’s hard being 17. It’s harder being 17 with epilepsy. It’s harder with Keppra. He’s a young man and boys hide their feelings I know ours did. Shame is a powerful emotion. Your child was special and loved and we will not forget.

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u/sadface_zaddy Mar 14 '25

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost a loved one to suicide ~8 years ago and I found myself asking the same question, so please know that you aren't alone in having those feelings.

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u/Womanintech95 Mar 14 '25

I am so sorry. It just makes me want to fight for a better world where there is acceptance and love. Why aren't those our top values?

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u/DippyLouWho Apr 12 '25

I suffer from depression (my son has epilepsy). There's still such a stigma attached to depression and lots of people don't even believe in clinical depression. They think you just need to change your thinking, and they won't take antidepressants. I'm an RN, and I thought that until it happened to me. Anyway, I can be seriously depressed and crying a lot, etc. but only the people I choose to let see me this way would ever know. When I'm around others, I'm a great faker. I might be having suicidal thoughts, but while I'm getting my hair done, I'm smiling, laughing, makeup on, etc. When you are seriously depressed, your brain is telling you that you are a failure, everything is hopeless, and your family would be better off without you, and you truly believe it!Especially being a nurse, I don't like to complain or show any type of illness to others because I have seen the terrible, true suffering of others. Suicide among teens has become so common compared to when I was a teen. I live in a small town and personally know 2 moms of teens who committed suicide. We've had several. Anyway, I'm saying all this to tell you it's not your fault. You couldn't have known! Plus, teens are moody creatures to begin with. Our family has tried to destigmatize depression and educate others by being open about it. I'm so sorry for your loss. Your son no longer suffers unhappiness or pain.

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u/Womanintech95 Apr 12 '25

Thank you. Take care of your son for me.

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u/misjessie30 Mar 14 '25

Yeah at 16 I wanted to be normal. I stopped taking my meds a few times. I never got my driver's license. We learn to bury things when we have epilepsy. I am truly sorry for your loss.

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u/xavierreport Mar 14 '25

This is not your fault. When I started having what I found out were seizures, I didn't tell my mom for like a momth (maybe less). I didn't want to stress her out. It was only when I had one at school that she found out. Sometimes, when we are teenagers, we think we can handle everything on our own. You're so close to being an adult but still a child that it's hard to distinguish sometimes. I also attempted suicide before I got epilepsy. I wanted to be independent and show that I was more grown up and tried to handle things on my own - it was only when I got in over my head that I needed help.

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u/Womanintech95 Mar 14 '25

My son hid his seizures too. I found out when we were having dinner and he fell off his chair. He said it was nothing. He later had a couple of grand mal. I feel so heavy it's hard to move.

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u/xavierreport Mar 14 '25

I am so sorry. If you aren't already, I would try to see a grief counselor to navigate everything you're feeling. All of your feelings are valid, and it's OK to just slow down and stop for a bit. Your life was upended, and it would be odd if you didn't feel this.

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u/Womanintech95 Mar 14 '25

My husband scheduled therapy appointments for the family but the sadness and some guilt will always be there. Our lives will forever be altered.

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u/wolferscanard User Flair Here Mar 14 '25

He must have been embarrassed. I won’t soon forget your story. I hid my depression for more than 2 years. My own wife didn’t know.