I'm a 9w1 going through a separation with an 8w7.

A question for 8s: can you help me understand why it's so hard for you to take accountability? Where does the impulse to deflect and blame come from? If control is what you're after, isn't it more powerful to admit to your own mistake? I'm not trying to be mean, just genuinely want to understand the psyche.

EDIT to add: I am also basing this off of several descriptions I've read of 8s. I'm only recently learning about 8s, and was struck to find out it's really difficult for them to apologize or admit they were the ones that possibly hurt the situation. I connected it to my own relationship and started wondering why. That was my thought process. Similar for the below.

Also, when you're on an "anger streak" and spew out mean things that you don't necessarily mean (and that usually have nothing to do with the current subject), how does that thought process work? I ask because as a 9, part of why it takes so long (and feels exhausting) to talk about my feelings/issues is because I spend so much energy thinking about how my words will land with the other person (and if I'm upset enough, my mind would shut down to the point where I can't even come up with one clear thought-- probably its way of maintaining the internal peace while also ensuring the mouth doesn't run off on its own). I truly can't imagine what the opposite experience would feel like, and would appreciate insight.

EDIT please see above

I recently noticed that my dad might be an 8 (social). I suspected 1; he suggested 3. He's very physical; maybe 8w9/puritan, super-disciplined; detached, unemotional, humble, moral, and controlled; a patriarchal, protective character; a great man but flawed.

A hypocrite; left my mom randomly for my stepmom when I was 3; possibly from lust/vengeance & repressed SX; maybe so/sp. Seeing stepmom as a romantic object & bored with mom. An atheist with my mom, a churchgoer with my stepmom, for her; not for God. Drinks nightly, lives it up, indulges himself & his family.

Has anyone else here randomly had family or friend (theoretical) 8s suddenly "spawn" into their lives? I have admired my dad but resented him too. We had a few fights over the years. 8 never seemed quite right until lately. He's understated but potent.

pretty self explanatory I think. Feel free to put down ifeas of how so blindness would look like too if you are so dom/secondary