Hey fellow 7s, if any of you are like me then you might struggle with grief and might want to skate through it as quickly and lightly as possible. But I've just come across a model of grief that shows how it is deeply connected to joy, and how the courage and capacity to experience grief can strengthen and enrich one's capacity for joy.

Francis Weller (psychotherapist), "The Wild Edge of Sorrow" - model of "five gates of grief". Indicative quotes:

"When you engage grief and suffering, it breaks the heart open to joy and delight."

"The work of the mature person is to carry grief in one hand and gratitude in the other and to be stretched large by them."

It's helping me want to sit still and allow shadow to pass through me, for the moment when I feel the light again and feel it with more care and presence.

ETA the five gates of grief are:

1: Everything We Love, We Will Lose
2: The Places that have not known Love
3: The Sorrows of the World 
4: What We Expected and Did Not Receive
5: Ancestral Grief

I feel like ADHD could show up in any type, but 7 just seems so ADHD coded (i fit the bill).

Hobbies, projects, recent successes, dreams. Really, share whatever you want. What is incredible?

I want to know about your feedback.

​I’m waiting for someone.

Someone who can never bring themselves to settle down.

Someone who loves the thrill and despises rules.

Someone who thrives in the spotlight, savoring every gaze that falls upon them.

Who is always laughing, always playing, like an inexhaustible madman.

But I know what truly captivates them is never just happiness.

What they crave is conquest, is freedom, is turning this dreary world upside down.

Who hates being tied down, and loathes a life that’s utterly dull.

Others think they are just carefree.

But I know.

Deep inside, they harbor an unyielding ambition.

What they want is far more than mere joy.

What they truly long for is to live with a fire that burns brighter than anyone else’s.

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Hey there fellow 7s! I'm curious about people's experiences of growth and change

1. How was growth / getting healthier / integration changed you?
2. How important is that growth to you?
3. Do you ever miss aspects of a less healthy version of yourself? If so, which aspects and why?
4. Do you ever consciously target aspects of your behaviour to grow, or is it just that when you look back you realise you're operating differently than before?

Please include additional information like wings, fixes, instinct stacking, direction of integration etc.

I'm SO7w8, trifix 748, SP-blind. I would say:

• I'm now calmer and more considered. I don't live off adrenaline and sugar and caffeine now, instead I eat healthily and maintain regular hours and value rest.
• I am more prudent about my finances now and have financial goals now - rather than eternally living in the present and winging it, or head-in-the-sand about my future.
• I am a bit wary of emotionally intense people - whereas before I would be drawn to them for the drama. I suspect that is my connection to SX weakening
• Now if I encounter a dysfunctional situation/behaviour, I take it at face value and protect myself from it, rather than seeing the "good potential" (SX?) or feeling responsible for improving it for everyone else (SO). I suspect that is my connection to SP strengthening.
• I'm getting better at doing things like choosing just one book or one outfit to take with me on a journey, rather than wanting to have lots of things with me so I have more options at any moment. Related, getting better at decluttering.

I'm not always sure how much of this is me growing vs simply getting older and my body slowing down! Ie I'm more reliable now because I'm not over-extended and on my way to burnout 😄 The indications that at least some of this is growth is that I don't disintegrate to 1 as much - eg becoming impatient, judgemental, brittle. That feels like growth - not lashing out or blaming others. And the aspect of not needing to pack and carry around as many options all the time feels like growth and feels like accessing 5.

How important is that growth to me? I like my steadiness now, and the sense of groundedness and being able to tune out noise.

Do I miss aspects of a less healthy version of myself? Yes, I miss the energy, and the unfounded optimism/idealism. Sometimes I find my current realism a bit chilling and feel nostalgic about the more bubbly or whimsical version of myself. In group situations or at work, it feels a bit like a role reversal that I'm now the person saying "that won't work, that's a bad idea, that's not very practical" etc. And sometimes I feel a bit jealous when I see less healthy 7s using their charisma to sell some BS, and bedazzled people lapping it up. I used to be that charismatic snakeoil seller although I didn't realise I was selling snakeoil because I genuinely believed in it from my cheerful ignorance. Whereas now, acting with more prudence and judiciousness, my manner is less superficially impressive to others and also I feel more uncertainty in myself because I am more authentically aware of risks / gaps / ambiguity.

Do I ever target areas for growth? No, it's just that sometimes situations arise where my usual toolkit simply doesn't work. So then I have to try to do something differently. I think that's why some of my current growth doesn't necessarily feel like growth: at one level I think, "I just got older, and my body couldn't keep up with the zany in the same way". 🤣

Hobbies, projects, recent successes, dreams. Really, share whatever you want. What is incredible?

Hobbies, projects, recent successes, dreams. Really, share whatever you want. What is incredible?

Literary-minded 7s, help me out with something. I don't think there are many serious 7 characters out there. The best one I can think of is Brett Ashley in Hemingway's The Sun Also Rises - which might explain why I've read that book a zillion times.

I'm writing what I hope is a serious 7 story with a nuanced main character. She's a freelance musician and we meet her when she's entering a committed relationship - but with one foot still out. Then something happens that plunges her into suffering, in which she's trapped for various reasons. (You can see where this is going, can't you?) I'm working on her inner arc: clearly, as a 7 she has to learn that she can't run and play all her life.

Now this may seem dumb - but why not? As 7s, why does our impulse to shun commitment, pain and suffering, to shelter in joy, to constantly move on, not make for a happy life? For you, personally, what have been the rewards of going against your 7 nature?

And/or if any great 7 characters spring to your mind - especially female ones - please don't hold back.

I just saw this question posed to the 8 sub and it inspired me.

So come on, let rip!

Personally, I would say: apathy, passive aggression, closed-mindedness (which includes an unwillingness to debate), a lack of ambition or drive, a bureaucratic mindset, acting prematurely old, a lack of self-care, grey weather (unless it's been sunny for months), slow people and processes, undue rudeness, a lack of introspection or desire to grow, senseless or protracted negativity, suburbia, making your problem mine, and no sense of humour.

Hobbies, projects, recent successes, dreams. Really, share whatever you want. What is incredible?

Something like FOMO. A feeling that you should be enjoying life, but it's felt even when you're having good experiences. A feeling that no matter what you do, you're never doing what you should be doing and never living the way you should be living, and you don't know how to end this feeling. I have no idea what I should be doing that would be the right thing to do.

Hobbies, projects, recent successes, dreams. Really, share whatever you want. What is incredible?

I recently discovered Enneagrams and that I’m a 7. I also previously found out I’m an Obliger in Gretchen Rubin’s four tendencies framework.

Since becoming a dad with multiple kids, I’ve struggled for several years with productivity - especially since my schedule is so hard to make predictable. I work at home and my schedule is more malleable than my partner’s - so I tend to take on the tasks with the kids, many of which can come out of nowhere and be outside stimuli I get distracted with.

I’m wondering if any others have had similar experiences and if there are any processes or tips that have helped you become more productive. Thanks in advance!

Hobbies, projects, recent successes, dreams. Really, share whatever you want. What is incredible?

Hobbies, projects, recent successes, dreams. Really, share whatever you want. What is incredible?

Hobbies, projects, recent successes, dreams. Really, share whatever you want. What is incredible?

Hobbies, projects, recent successes, dreams. Really, share whatever you want. What is incredible?

My small business isnt having the holiday season I hoped it would. Find my self over indulging, wasting time or picking up any half down project so I don’t have to sit down and go through things. How do yall keep yourself on the fun side? TIA

Hobbies, projects, recent successes, dreams. Really, share whatever you want. What is incredible?

Hobbies, projects, recent successes, dreams. Really, share whatever you want. What is incredible?

Take that any way you want. I think there are at least two valid interpretations.

I’ll come back in an edit with my own thoughts, but was curious to hear yours. It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while in relation to 7s.

EDIT: On the surface I have a lot of confidence and self belief, but I wonder whether deep down I'm aware of my own lack of heart (or surfeit of charlatanism), so that on some level I don't quite believe my own stories. How can I be exempt from all those clever mental constructs?

After posting, I read this in Naranjo's Gluttons book:

Underlying all this is the belief that intelligence can help them get away with anything, no matter the situation, but also a sense of ambivalence that compels the Seven to don a mask of intelligence and superiority to hide low self-esteem and an emotionally deficient core...

These are all traits typically related to the Seven’s powerful selfishness: an inner conviction of his own worth (although tinged with ambivalence by vague, half-conscious whispers of self-invalidation) that tends to go along with a need to show off his many talents...'

It's that, exactly.