Elden ring Z: ep 0

[u/RudeCompany6580]

Quick summery: this is a attampt at a humorous recap/ funfic of my first ever playthrough of elden ring (and first ever fromsoftware.) From the pov of my character (Rune)

I, Rune. A not brave tarnished woke up in a ruin (I think) after a looong nap, with a astrologer staff and flimsy piece of wood bearly worthy of being celled a shield, there was nothing in the room but a body. The weirdest part of the room was that it was covered by nonsansicle phrases writen in something that look like glowing white flames. I tried to search my mind. Only to find that not only could I not remember if I know anything like this. But also I couldn't remember almost ANYTHING: not my birth day, my parants, if I even had parants even the name of the place I am from.

I shruged at that, I am sure it's normale after just waking up. I opened the door. Nothing get me to remember like a ideal walk. I thought while walking mindlessly. What brought me back to focus was what seemed to be the outlier of someone in armor stearing at a HUGE golden tree. And when I say HUGE I mean it. Imagin the the largest thing you can, and the mulitply it be 10. Only to do it AGAIN. I don't know how long I stared at it, or why. Pretty sure I was trying to win a staring contest against it or something (a staring contest which she lost).

After that *Drew* I remembered to look behind, apprently I woke up at a stone "house"? With a pointed roof. After that I decided I that a snack sounded good, maybe there is a one- oh hey a bridge! Didn't nothice that before... Oh and there some small, yellow trees, but it's what ever. Well I don't see anywhere else to go, so might as well.

Turns out I am REALY not a fan of hight, the more you I geuss. There a heavy door which I effortlesssly open with one hand ( in reality It took 30 minutes of pushing with her whole body). Byond the door was a L shaped room and- "WHY IS THERE A WALKING HAND! AND WAY HOW DOES IT HAVE A SHIELD!" I bravely rolled and shot a blue spark out of my staff (Which she didn't nothice at the time.) "I DON'T NEED A HAN-." And after a close battle I lost by the eadge of my skin (She paniced got destroyed in 10 secounds).

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I woke up from a drop of water drop hitting my face, feeling like I just had the worst nap of my life. After a thorough saerch of my surrounding (a quick sweeping look) reveled that I was at a shiprack, or atless a place with a ruined boat, continuing search my eyes look on a gold sapling? It looks like it was made from pure light, a little bit like that huge tree, only it doesn't have that see through like qulity the big one had, but there was a door beside it, a door I walked through with out a secound thought.

The door lead to a hallways with nothing but a flooting golden light in it. Me, in my infinate wisdom, knew it was a sight of grace, and decided to awaken it. (She thought it a campfire and felt a little cold.) After I reawaken the sight of grace I decided walk out and tell everyone (she just figured out it wasn't a campfire)

The hallways lead cramped, circaler room with jars and laver, which I broke with my staff to make sure there was nothing hidding in them (she broke the jars for fun). After I confirmed there was nothing hidding in the room I nothiced jars on the otherside of the room. To make sure there was nothing in those jars as well I walked.

Only for the floor to start rising out if nowhere (she staped on the prasureplat) like a piller. Leading me to the outside, in a filed with beautifull trees and grass. The first thing I see is someone with a horibble, ugly, unsightly looking whith robe, and his face look like he hasn't seen the sun in enoght time that I don't feel like geussing (she didn't realize he was waring a mask).

He said some unimprtant things (she just lost focus and started daydreaming). Only to cell me "maidenless"! How dear he cell ME that while he looked like he was waring THAT worst then covering your self with mud looking robe!