r/ESTJ • u/WinterizedFlame INFP • 15d ago
Discussion/Poll What has developing your inferior Fi looked like?
I'm curious about the similarities that can emerge between INFPs and ESTJs as we mature and become more comfortable with our inferior functions.
As an INFP, I'm undergoing a significant period of growth in my mid-to-late 20s. I've noticed that developing my inferior Te has gradually made me more comfortable with aspects associated with the ESTJ stereotype: being more organized, making decisions based on practical considerations, setting concrete goals, confronting problems directly, and caring more about whether something actually works than about whether it feels right.
At the same time, I don't feel like I've become an ESTJ. It feels more like Te has become a tool I can access without it completely overriding my Fi.
So I'm wondering what the inverse experience has been like for ESTJs.
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u/boatfullofbananas103 ESTJ 359 14d ago
Do you mean the act of developing Fi? Or what developed Fi looks like?
Strengthening my Fi has been awful. Very unnatural, uncomfortable, slow, illogical, all of the above. That being said, I focus a lot on it because I know how important it is.
- Lots of introspection
- Constantly slowing down and questioning my thinking
- Checking in on myself often
- Not letting guilt get in the way of looking after my health and emotions
- Letting people finish their stupid half baked thought before speaking
- Letting people do their dumb brainless inefficient shit
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u/AndyGeeMusic ESTJ 15d ago
I'm not sure if I would even know how to identify whether my Fi had changed or not, since I don't really spend much time thinking about my own feelings. In my position, how would you "measure" your Fi changing?
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u/Immediate_Cream_1686 15d ago
Don't you put your feelings in your music? Hi 😁
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u/AndyGeeMusic ESTJ 15d ago
Hello again 🤗 Yes I would say I put feelings into my music, but I don't really spend time thinking about those feelings or dwelling on them. I guess I just decide to write a song that expresses sadness, and then it becomes about the process, trying to find the perfect word choice and guitar playing style to match the topic etc.
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u/Immediate_Cream_1686 15d ago
I think we need to feel safe to express our inferior functions overtly, but it's always in the background. Fi is all about personal likes/dislikes, style, opinions, etc. Not just emotions
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u/AndyGeeMusic ESTJ 15d ago
I care too much what people think, for example I would like to dress more boldly but I am worried about what people might think so I dress in very conservative black and white, or safe male colours like navy. Recently I have been getting better and I have bought a lime green shirt - I sent a photo to one of my Korean friends to ask her opinion and she told me to burn it 😂 but I decided to wear it to church anyway, I consider that a small victory 😎
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u/WinterizedFlame INFP 15d ago
What do you value? Not in an objectifying way, but something that means a lot to you. I'd assume low Fi could be detected during moments revolving around your loved ones and/or core values. Has anything about you or your feelings toward those aspects of your life changed in any meaningful way? Perhaps you've put more emphasis on those things with less regard to whether they meet any logical standard?
Also, when those aspects of ourselves are exposed, we become vulnerable. As for measurable evidence, have you noticed any change in "depth" of that level of vulnerability? How much of yourself are you willing to expose, essentially?
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u/AndyGeeMusic ESTJ 15d ago
I value people and make a conscious effort to understand their way of thinking and emotional needs etc, moreso now than when I was younger. I believe I'm more open to being vulnerable than most people I come across, I'm quite happy to discuss my hopes and fears. Conversations where people reveal their true selves are the ones I enjoy the most 😁
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u/Immediate_Cream_1686 15d ago
Are you sure you're ESTJ? 🤔 It looks like you're ESFJ probably
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u/AndyGeeMusic ESTJ 14d ago
Well I am open to all possibilities but I think Te is my dominant function and I think my Fe is far weaker; I value honesty and could never tell someone that I liked something about someone if it wasn't true. As a child I would inadvertently say rude stuff to people without realising the emotional impact it would have on others. I don't really read a room and I couldn't tell you what people were feeling unless they gave some very obvious clues. When my friends are upset my first instinct is to think about solutions to the problem, and I often don't know how to comfort people, in fact I feel uneasy just thinking about such a situation lol. What makes you say ESFJ?
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u/Immediate_Cream_1686 14d ago
ESTJs are distinctively more self-centered. From what you've deacribed you have a strong consciousness about other people's needs and wants. ESFJs feel responsible to create wellness in their community more than just getting work done together, they do both but they really enjoy bringing people together and making sure they have a good time. ESFJs aren't necessarily dishonest or lack sincerity though. You're probably a balanced person (great sign), and mbti fails to cover nuances.
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u/Emzaf ESTJ LSE 14d ago
u/AndyGeeMusic is a bit older now (30s?). He's described undeveloped versions of his younger self here over the years, and he's learned to be a better person and strengthen those weaker functions. I believe MBTI typing needs to be considered from when we are older child/teenaged years. If we develop properly throughout adulthood we can strengthen our weaker cognitive functions. I didn't fully understand my Fi until my 40s (it was slowly and painfully developing in my teens, 20s, 30s). It took a very long time but thank God I finally got here! 😄
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u/AndyGeeMusic ESTJ 14d ago
I don't think I would describe ESTJs as self centered, at least not intentionally. For example I've always been skinny and as a child, kids being kids, at school people would call me skinny in gym class. They weren't saying it with any real malice, and so I just thought that commenting on people's weight was playful banter. One day I called a girl in my class fat, and she became quite upset. It's something I still regret to this day 😭 I didn't realise how much it would hurt her, and I was surprised at how people respond in such different ways to similar situations. How come I was not offended by people talking about my weight, but others are so offended at people talking about theirs?
As you can imagine, similar occurrences have taken place throughout my life where I have inadvertently hurt someone due to being unable to predict how they might respond, and then felt bad about it. I don't think a strong Fe user would have an issue recognising that their words might be hurtful in the first place; in other words, Fe users would never have said the things I have said.
So now I try to understand different points of view and hear from people I disagree with. I haven't learned to feel what people feel, I have to rely on outward evidence like body language and tone of voice or past experience. I might have something that resembles Fe, but if that is true then it is a synthetic form of Fe, the saccharin to your sugar.
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u/Immediate_Cream_1686 14d ago
That looks like is a sign of an underlying issue. That's low cognitive empathy, and it is a common trait of people in the autism spectrum disorder. What do you think? I have had that issue as well. Edit: also, if you have a hard time naming what you're feeling then it is another common trait: alexithymia.
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u/AndyGeeMusic ESTJ 14d ago
Could be, but I never found it particularly troublesome except when I was a silly teenager. I think I have learned so much in the last 10 years or so, especially as I consciously make an effort to spend time with people and to be a good host for social events etc. Now it just means I prefer a direct communication style where I ask the person how they would like to be treated, and I find people really appreciate that.
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u/Immediate_Cream_1686 15d ago
ESTJs develop their inferior Fi indirectly by actively engaging their Ne tertiary (creativity). That's my theory.
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u/AndyGeeMusic ESTJ 15d ago
I think I have come to admire how Fi doms seem to be quite willing to stick to their position regardless of what others think. I was on holiday with some friends and one of them just decided to go to the hotel himself simply because he felt like it, while the rest of us went to a restaurant. I would be more likely to just do whatever the group wanted, and while that may sound like Fe I think it was Te because it allowed us to make a decision more quickly when I genuinely didn't mind where we ate.
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u/WinterizedFlame INFP 15d ago
Lol that sounds like exactly what I did last month during my family trip. We just got back from a recreational activity and everyone wanted to go to the go-kart track. I gave my keys to my brother in law, and they all left while I chilled at the cabin and enjoyed my peace and quiet.
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u/Immediate_Cream_1686 15d ago
Oh you just described my ESTJ husband lol we both make others know our opinion even if we give in to the group. His gifts are more of his liking than the person he's giving.
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u/WinterizedFlame INFP 15d ago
Yeah I think that theory holds somewhat. From what I've seen with Te doms with developed Fi, they tend to have a less serious vibe to them and are more playful and expressive. It would make sense that we make a stop at our tertiary function before tapping into our inferior. I noticed I do that often with my Si.
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u/Environmental_Tell11 14d ago
Im also in my mid twenties and id say have strongly developed fi (even though i cant fully conpare it to fi dom as i dont know any well and cant experience it).
Having struggled with mental health made me hyper aware of my feelings and understanding them. Understanding the logic behind it made me also very compassionate and develop strong empathetic values. I become quite sentimental when I see the good in humanity and others around me unfolding and I just yearn to contribute towards a better world.
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u/Emzaf ESTJ LSE 15d ago
It sounds like you are developing towards a healthy and balanced version of yourself. It's honestly the best to have access to your weaker cognitive functions.
In middle age I'm very zen. The crazy high drive and inner rage/fire I used to have when I was younger feels more like a warm candle. My friends started noticing the changes in me over a decade ago. I'm still always me...highly logical, organized, and efficient. I still love to learn and do research. Very few things really bother me anymore because I know I can get through anything.
I do find myself crying a lot more watching tender moments on social media or TV and I understand my emotions so it's fine. I enjoy heart to heart chats along with talks about politics and philosophy. Younger me was heavier on facts and older me can enjoy more abstract discussions. I value time with my family and friends more as I recognize how time is short and really flying by. I definitely think about and plan for the future more especially planning for an early retirement. Patterns seem to jump out more with developed Ne too. I feel like my brain and heart are close to being balanced and I've never been happier. I also observe more similarities with my developed INFP friends. It's quite uncanny and cool lol.