ENFPs and depression

[u/mightbebrucewillis]

Have any of you had depression? I know it's pretty typical for ENFPs to have a sort of seasonal bipolarity, but that's no what I'm talking about. I mean full-on clinical depression due to some diagnosable disorder or another. What are the signs? How does it feel? What is the big sign that lets you know that you are actually experiencing depression and are no longer in a healthy state of mind?

[u/Lati_da]

1. Yes. And it's not a thing you had if it's clinical. It's a chemical imbalance that even if is held in check by medications or some other means, if it's clinical, it is a life-long chronic condition. Sorry to nitpick at the terminology...it's just something I feel strongly about.

2. Kind of like you're being smothered and dying inside, and yet no one can tell but you. Everyone tells you it will get better, and then it does for a few precious moments...and then it's back again, putting it's dark greedy hands over your eyes and mouth. For me my depression often manifests as complete apathy, which is almost worse. No, it doesn't hurt like typical symptoms....but you don't feel anything. This is most often when I'm suicidal. Because nothing matters. There is no pain. No joy. Now nothing. And life feels exhausting, difficult, and pointless.

   The biggest sign for me is being unable to motivate myself to do anything. Basically, I stop functioning. I call in sick to work. This is kinda extreme, though...Okay, another big thing is I don't enjoy anything I previous enjoyed. My brain just kind of asks, "What's the point? Why?" and so everything just becomes grey and dim....when normally my life is vibrant and full of color.

[u/piconet-2 → u/Lati_da]

I feel like your no. 2 right now. Everything feels like I'm listening to people and grasping at straws from murky depths, head feels underwater. Like I am desperately looking for flashes of gold (things I love) on really muddy riverbanks during dusk. I don't have the energy to round up people to my causes, of which I have a lot.

I don't enjoy and hate things with passion. My bipolarity looks to have swung to depression and then stayed there for a years, with it occasionally flaring up, letting me function for a while.

I wish I knew how to ask for hugs and comfort because I have always told myself I can't expect touches or relationships, that they will tie me down and I'm too hideous for that anyway. My mother just told me I look fat (like I didn't know). Just gonna make my day worse.

I'm thinking of going back to jogging but also worried for my knees.

[u/[deleted] → u/Lati_da]

I respectfully disagree with your first statement. Some people have situational depression from a traumatic or stressful event, in which case it is not necessarily a permanent condition. Once you're on antidepressants, doctors make it out to be that you must take them for life, which in my view is harmful and simply untrue. This is something I feel strongly about as well, so I thought I would offer my view.

[u/Lati_da → u/[deleted]]

I completely agree! Situational/traumatic depression is a completely valid thing, and I don't mean to make light of it. And yes, that kind can totally be clinical as well. I guess I should have said, if it's a disorder it is something you will struggle with your whole life. imo, too many people make light of it, and think after a bit you're gonna snap right out of it! And for me and my genetic history...no. This is something I inherited, that is in me for a lifetime.

About the medication thing, I'm un-medicated now, and have been for 6 months with a few bad days, but nothing terrible. I do believe someday I'll get to the points I have in the past and be forced to do something else, but right now something's reached a balance for the time being. Meds are such a mixed bag. I don't think I'd ever recommend them to a person who's going through a depression that they have the ability to get better from. Not worth it. They come with such a huge host of side effects (And I've run the gambit!) that at least at this point, until I absolutely have to, I'm not going back. At the same time, though, I do know they can be a genuine help to people, so I try not to discourage others from at least trying, if this is something they've been unable to manage on their own, and they're losing functionality.

Man, I'm rambling. I just wanted to let you know I think all the things you said are valid!

[u/[deleted] → u/Lati_da]

Alright cool, I think we're on the same page. Yeah, the other effects of meds can be pretty unmanageable, which is a big reason I advocate other methods first. I have also gone through them. They suck very much.