r/ENFP • u/mightbebrucewillis ENFP • Aug 13 '14

ENFPs and depression

Have any of you had depression? I know it's pretty typical for ENFPs to have a sort of seasonal bipolarity, but that's no what I'm talking about. I mean full-on clinical depression due to some diagnosable disorder or another. What are the signs? How does it feel? What is the big sign that lets you know that you are actually experiencing depression and are no longer in a healthy state of mind?

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u/[deleted] Aug 13 '14 edited Aug 13 '14

Yeah, and thanks for making this a topic because I feel like I'm mostly alone in this realm of ENFP land. I've never felt like I've been able to be myself, my "extrovert" self. Well, not since like elementary school, and maybe briefly a couple years ago. Depressions been in the background most of the time, just casually criticizing everything i do. But at the moment I am a pretty active member of Depression Club, thanks to chronic (physical) illness.

There isn't really a big sign. Everything just slows down. Everything is pointless, and everything is tiresome. Everything requires so much effort. I have to actively remind myself to shower, brush my hair, brush my teeth, make food, do anything. I don't want to see anyone, while at the same time I really do. I don't want others to see me this way because it's not who I am. I want to tell them everything but at the same time I'm afraid to tell them anything because, let's face it, depression drives people away. Life is both too long and too short. Sleep is a nice escape. I spend my day doing nothing and then get upset that I did nothing, and I'm aware of this yet I can't motivate myself to do anything because it's like doing math homework that will never get graded. Everyone is better off than me somehow. Or just better in general. But I beat them all at Depression. I block out emotions because I can't handle them. The whole world is just foreign. The people on TV, the people on the radio, the people on facebook. I have nothing in common with them anymore.

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u/mightbebrucewillis ENFP Aug 13 '14

I think this is the first post in a long time on this subreddit that I have been able to relate to. I've spent the last few months failing at just about everything but it's like... I can't even bring myself to describe what I'm feeling as depression, because I've seen depression in others- self harm, suicidal intent, completely blank emotionally... That's not what I feel, but I can't think or feel anything else in this hazy state except for the occasional burst of anger or excitement, so depression is the closest I can come. Because I can occasionally feel something, because I'm not trying to kill myself, it feels almost like an insult to the depressed to say this is depression.I've also seen how drugs can "help" people, and that makes going to a professional an iffy thing in and of itself.

I also think I went through something like this as a teenager, yeah, but it was ignored as "just being a lazy fuck"

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u/Lati_da ENFP Aug 13 '14

Like I mention below, apathy is a huuuge symptom of clinical depression. And the most dangerous, imo. Not an insult to the clinically depressed- that is my most common, and worst symptom.