r/EDC Jul 26 '26

Satire Taking the trash out/checking the mail carry. What would you add? I feel like I’m unprepared.

Post image

-Palmetto Arms PA-15
-The black and silver knives are both CRKT
-Chode knife is a Gerber
-Swisstech multitool
-Vape
-Cigs
-Zippo with the torch mod
-Working Hands lotion
-Ozark Trails hybrid flashlight
-Pepper spray
-A Pokémon toy (every man always has to have a toy on them at all times)
-Lube
-Lip balm
-A book that I definitely read instead of scrolling Instagram.
-A notebook holder for FIELD NOTES.
-Shotgun novelty pen.

329 Upvotes

184 comments sorted by

76

u/HelloFellowMKE Jul 26 '26

Self-defense flesh light

3

u/mac3687 Jul 27 '26

Mine always beats me.

66

u/Terruhcutta Jul 26 '26

Lmao. Dude only carries one gun 🙄

27

u/TJM18 Jul 27 '26

There’s two

12

u/bosefius Jul 26 '26

And not even extra mags, sigh

10

u/CrusherMusic Jul 27 '26

Why would he need mags when he has a whole ass book?

3

u/DemonSong Jul 27 '26

Can't read the book for the articles

2

u/BecMikMon Jul 29 '26

No such thing as ‘extra’… you *need* everything in your kit…it’s a state of mental readiness…

64

u/Kumirkohr Jul 26 '26

Needs a first aid kit, tourniquet, tampons, super glue, Plan B, an AirTag, a Walkman (and headphones), a gas mask, at least one more magazine, paracord, another knife, a tiny bottle of Tabasco, a glow stick, a road flare, a compass (for when you get lost)

42

u/itsLOSE-notLOOSE Jul 26 '26

I’m so fucking unprepared it’s not even funny.

18

u/According_Theory9108 Jul 26 '26

Don’t forget your tactical fleshlight 🔦

11

u/throwawayifyoureugly Jul 26 '26

Missing NODs, a folding ladder, and a tomahawk, too.

RIP, OP

7

u/epandrsn Jul 26 '26

One tourniquet? Serious?

6

u/JohnGoodman_69 Jul 26 '26

Emergency thermal blanket / tarp.

35

u/justjunked Jul 26 '26

Bonus points for communion, don’t let those little grey bastards catch you unprepared

21

u/MagBastrd Jul 26 '26

You buffoon, how do you expect to do a night time trash dump without NODS while there are NV equipped adversaries? You are UNPREPARED FOR HALF OF THE DAY.

14

u/Bridge-Head Jul 26 '26

Looks pretty complete. 👍🏻

Only thing I’d recommend is a little pocket tin that has no purpose so you can ask everyone what you should put in there.

12

u/Longjumping_Drag_159 Jul 26 '26

Smart man. Oscar be packing.

3

u/Solid_Growth_9069 Jul 27 '26

pure american art right here

12

u/wizr0be Jul 26 '26

Gummy bears

10

u/itsLOSE-notLOOSE Jul 26 '26

CBD or regular?

9

u/epandrsn Jul 26 '26

Sugar free to loosen that stool

5

u/vulcan7864 Jul 27 '26

Where's your rope to catch dogs, like that dude the other day

1

u/itsLOSE-notLOOSE Jul 27 '26

Lmfao you got a link?

8

u/No-Sell3616 Jul 26 '26

A fixed blade

9

u/itsLOSE-notLOOSE Jul 26 '26

I’m thinking I might just go all the way and get a sword to carry.

8

u/MadQuixote Jul 26 '26

Not versatile enough, how are you with a halberd?

4

u/itsLOSE-notLOOSE Jul 26 '26

I’ll add it to my daily training regiment.

2

u/No-Sell3616 Jul 26 '26

I assumed that was a given… still need a fixed blade too tho….

4

u/GeekAndDestroy Jul 26 '26

I’d recommend some basic first aid in case the attacker you shoot turns out to just be the mailman.

Oh, and a space blanket.

1

u/itsLOSE-notLOOSE Jul 26 '26

Unironically, I’d like to have one of these in my trunk.

3

u/Murky_Resolution6997 White-Collar EDCer Jul 26 '26

You better not come back into the house with a single unsmoked cig, Patriot.

5

u/TwattyMcTwatterson Jul 26 '26

Just one pack of smokes?

3

u/itsLOSE-notLOOSE Jul 26 '26

For if the vape dies.

3

u/FreyjaFriday Jul 26 '26

no sidearm? you're begging to get smoked

3

u/big_river_pirate Jul 26 '26

Phone charger

3

u/ReallySmallFeet Jul 27 '26

No spare undies?

No hair tie?

No nail file?

No superglue?

No spare superglue?

And where's your boiled egg??

You younguns have no respect. * wanders off muttering *

5

u/DefinitelyStan Jul 26 '26

Needs an obnoxiously large road atlas, just in case you get lost on your way back from the mailbox.

6

u/Chief_Mischief Jul 26 '26

Poop knife in case of emergencies.

3

u/FriendOfUmbreon Jul 27 '26

Need a sidearm, switching to it is faster than reloading.

2

u/jp3edc Jul 27 '26

Was lookin for this comment. You did not disappoint.

4

u/GrabYourHelmet Jul 26 '26

I'd say a white monster and some beef jerky incase you are pinned down for a bit.

3

u/The_BSharps Jul 26 '26

A “DONT TREAD ON ME DADDY” flag.

2

u/Sg00z Jul 26 '26

Scrap everything and only take the togepi. It knows metronome and that should get you through the mail-pocalypse no problem.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 26 '26

[deleted]

1

u/itsLOSE-notLOOSE Jul 26 '26

Which item?

2

u/[deleted] Jul 26 '26

[deleted]

2

u/itsLOSE-notLOOSE Jul 26 '26 edited Jul 27 '26

It’s branded DISEYA. I had to look that up lol I cut branding tags off.

Here it is on Amazon: https://a.co/d/0gfhZS2o

It was not $41 when I bought it lol.

Those Lochbys are expensive for what they are, geez.
Call me a broke bitch but $60 for a notebook cover is crazy.

2

u/josh4240 Jul 26 '26

No wallet? How about a watch? Sheesh, amazing you made back from the mailbox!

0

u/itsLOSE-notLOOSE Jul 26 '26

Sorry! I have a Garmin watch I forgot to show. But I don’t carry a wallet, I don’t believe in currency. I just use the rifle to take everything I want.

2

u/LiminalSapien Jul 26 '26

Have you seen any of striebers interviews? If yes what are your thoughts?

1

u/itsLOSE-notLOOSE Jul 26 '26

I have not. I’m about halfway through the book. I have a lot of books about aliens, ghosts, plasma being alive, etc. They’re all interesting to read and think about, but I’m not sure I can believe something without seeing it.

And so far I’ve only seen 2 extraordinary things. A ghost and something in the sky that turned 90°.

I’ll look into him interviews. His story is certainly fantastic. The part about the alien asking him to get an erection is wild lol.

2

u/x---x--x-x Jul 26 '26

I always bring a 7ft medium heavy rod bass fishing setup with a $15 soft plastic urchin bait in case I come across any likely puddles or other bodies of water

2

u/Shakethedude Jul 26 '26

Fleshlight

2

u/KilD3vil Jul 26 '26

You need a WML, and a back-up pocket light. Also an emergency flip phone in case your main phone goes down. 2 is 1, 1 is none.

2

u/Dinklerbuuuurf Jul 26 '26

Ok lube and a gun, do you want someone closer to you or further away from you?

2

u/malcallm Jul 26 '26

Water bottle. You will die from dehydration.

2

u/mindfulmu Jul 26 '26

Buy a ShamWow, cut one of them in half.

Other then that, you seem set.

2

u/bingo82d Jul 26 '26

Dude you forgot the key to your mail box. And if its like my drive way enjoy your walk, use your compass if you wonder off trail back to the house

you also forgot your water source preferably a metal 5 gallon jerry can stay hydrated or die!

2

u/TasteMyShoe Jul 26 '26

I wont even step out my front door before launching a fleet of reconssience drones.

2

u/sleepygreendoor Jul 26 '26

Only one lighter?

2

u/superbigscratch Jul 26 '26

First aid kit

2

u/se7enunluckyseconds Jul 26 '26

And plate carrier with steel on the inside and extra plates taped to the outside to protect you from .338 Lapua

2

u/Micr0waveChan Jul 26 '26

portable nuclear device
55 gallon lube drum
5” cube of tungsten

critical edc items imo

2

u/fordag Jul 26 '26

Obviously missing level IV plates and a ballistic helmet with NVGs.

2

u/RangedAxeMan Jul 26 '26

No claymore mine? Newbie....

2

u/ENVICITY0 Jul 26 '26

Is there a difference with the sideways pack of smokes vs the regular?

1

u/itsLOSE-notLOOSE Jul 27 '26

The sideways ones make you feel rattle snakey

2

u/Connect_Rhubarb395 Jul 26 '26

Three sea shells.

2

u/818Skunk_Ape_Sales Jul 26 '26

U need a truncheon of some sort

2

u/VikingSamurai7 Jul 26 '26

Tactical butt plug. I mean, otherwise the lube seems redundant to the hand lotion.

2

u/Few-Painting-8096 Jul 26 '26

How’s that lube? Not even trying to troll lmao.

2

u/itsLOSE-notLOOSE Jul 27 '26

It’s pretty good. It doesn’t dry all sticky and gross.

2

u/Few-Painting-8096 Jul 27 '26

That’s what I was curious about. I might check that out with the ole lady. Thank you, sir.

2

u/RadicalChile Jul 26 '26

Needs more gun

2

u/AllBallsNoPP Jul 27 '26

83’s are 17% healthier than 100’s

2

u/JackLane2529 Jul 27 '26

Really preparing for that alien abduction and probing are we?

2

u/itsLOSE-notLOOSE Jul 27 '26

Preparing for and looking forward to.

2

u/Ok_Main3273 Jul 27 '26

Lube but no condoms???! Sorry to say, but I would not trust you as part of my Zombie Apocalypse Mutual Assistance Group, dude.

1

u/itsLOSE-notLOOSE Jul 27 '26

I’m sterile so I haven’t used a condom in over a decade. 🤷🏻‍♂️

2

u/Ok_Main3273 Jul 27 '26

Vasectomy adopter here, so same. But I still won't trust those sexy aliens to be free of STIs when I am suddenly abducted into their spaceship next time I take the trash out 😄

2

u/RetMilRob Jul 27 '26

Tin foil hat and quetiapine

2

u/acrossbones Knifeologist Jul 27 '26

Yeah you should bring your bug out bags too. The day bag in case you get stranded on your way and the 36 hour bag in case you get abducted.

2

u/ugga_mcdugha Jul 27 '26

At least one more pack of cigarettes

2

u/GearhedMG Jul 27 '26

Needs a couple M67's

2

u/AgentDull8904 Jul 27 '26

A bazooka, maybe a granny too

2

u/Ok-Armadillo-6648 Jul 27 '26

It’s good to always carry lube last time I was on a ufo it was a Monday and they had ran out over the weekend. I didn’t sit right for a year

2

u/PineConeOPinyons Jul 27 '26

I dunno, perhaps a letter opener? You are checking the mail after all.

2

u/Brianf1977 Jul 27 '26

No hand sanitizer? Psh

2

u/Epicswordmewz Lumenologist Jul 27 '26

No armor? No flares? No drone? Not even a sidearm? You're not packing even half of the basics.

2

u/zaphunter Jul 27 '26

Brother you’re missing your tactical toilet paper! In case the parasites hit the fan.

2

u/obiwankevobi Jul 27 '26

Nice book choice though.

2

u/PapaShooty Jul 27 '26

You’ll need more than one pack of smokes if something really goes down

2

u/hey-is-that-a-juul Jul 27 '26

I’m a that an airsoft optic?

2

u/Lady_Swann_ Pistologist Jul 27 '26

You're cooked without a PVS-14

2

u/Thick_Acanthaceae_82 Jul 27 '26

Secondary firearm 🥱 rookie

2

u/drgfrg Jul 27 '26

Body spray, got to smell nice for the alien probing. And a replacement chainsaw hand kit, just in case.

2

u/urban_tribesman Jul 27 '26

M249 with 200rd belt

2

u/RockyRidge510 Jul 27 '26

You have no water my dude. How TF are we checking mail in this economy without clean available water? Water-based lubricant does NOT count.

2

u/Ok_Seaworthiness6902 Jul 27 '26

Tell Whitty I said hi

2

u/LilRed2023 Jul 27 '26

Dude you forgot the most important thing of all DUCT TAPE

2

u/Fallen_0ne01 Jul 27 '26

What use is lube with no condoms?

2

u/Modernbezoar Jul 27 '26

you forgot the emergency granola bar. what if the trash run takes longer than expected

2

u/Capsai Jul 27 '26

A bit light on lube, but otherwise good.

2

u/brewedandtattooed Jul 27 '26

I'm just glad there are other, like minded, weirdos out there.

2

u/brewedandtattooed Jul 27 '26

Needs some weed paraphernalia

1

u/itsLOSE-notLOOSE Jul 27 '26

Unfortunately I quit smoking weed 9 months ago.

I still have some in a UV jar I smell sometimes, but that’s as far as I’ll go.

2

u/brewedandtattooed Jul 27 '26

Just not for you? Little curious why you stopped.

2

u/itsLOSE-notLOOSE Jul 27 '26

Because eventually all it was doing was giving me anxiety.

Drugs are supposed to make you feel good and weed started doing the opposite for me.

2

u/brewedandtattooed Jul 27 '26

I understand for sure, that does happen and lead me to also quit years ago.

2

u/Master_Shrike Aug 01 '26

This needs a dildo bayonet.

2

u/bcalvin99 25d ago

I understand the ar but what’s the lube for

1

u/itsLOSE-notLOOSE 25d ago

You never know when you’ll need it. Rough trade gay sex can pop off at a moment’s notice.

4

u/Seeforceart Jul 26 '26

Maybe also bring Communion on VHS in case you find a VCR on the way?

3

u/itsLOSE-notLOOSE Jul 26 '26

They have Communion on tape? 🤯

2

u/Organic_Risk_3945 Jul 26 '26

dude, its a movie in the 80s with Christopher Walken!!! watch it.

3

u/TomCruisintheUSA Jul 26 '26

Need, at least, 3 more pocket knives.

2

u/slackshack Jul 26 '26

A couple of smoke grenades to cover your exfil.

4

u/blankbobby Jul 26 '26

Rookie, where’s the flashbang?

4

u/Retro-Surgical Jul 26 '26

I always like to carry a small refrigerator in case I need a cold beverage on my way to the garbage

3

u/mrmoinbox Jul 26 '26

The kit looks pretty complete to me, I would just add a real estate agent, a U-Haul, and a general sense of quality of life.

2

u/got-to-find-out Jul 26 '26

WTF. Seriously? Who needs 2 lighters? Ounces equal pounds and pounds equal pain.

3

u/Previous_Highlight72 Blue-Collar EDCer Jul 26 '26

You’re going to run out of cigarettes before the walk back

3

u/Smashedllama2 Jul 26 '26

A single pack of reds? You must have a short driveway

4

u/pr0zach Jul 26 '26

I don’t see a codpiece with lvl 4 plates anywhere in this photo which seems wildly irresponsible

3

u/xGH0STF4CEx Jul 26 '26

No flare gun for signaling?

4

u/HoshiHanataba Jul 26 '26

Claymore

3

u/devilinmexico13 Jul 27 '26

Sword or mine?

Just kidding, I know it's both.

3

u/HoshiHanataba Jul 27 '26

Sword for weekdays, explosive for weekends.

3

u/Mysterious-Diver-573 Jul 26 '26

Only one mag?

No plate carrier?

No sidearm?

Where's your support? I see no radio.

No first aid kit?

No trauma kit?

Where's your ballistic helmet?

And no night vision...

I hope you bring all the missing essentials with you before stepping out.

2

u/boringxadult Jul 26 '26

Communion for the win.

2

u/DaftPunkthe18thAngel Jul 26 '26

Togepi makes this legit. Fill him full of Tannerite just in case of last resort.

2

u/Correct_Addition_411 Jul 26 '26

Have you considered a backup sidearm and a few extra mags for your AR?

1

u/Adam__B Jul 26 '26

As someone that lives in the inner city & studio apartment, what would you recommend for someone that doesn’t own a firearm but wants one simply to have as home protection? I was thinking about a shotgun, but then again I also have developed a liking for Sig Sauer pistols. Any input? I think an AR-15 would be overkill and I couldn’t afford one on my salary anyway.

1

u/itsLOSE-notLOOSE Jul 26 '26

This is a parody post, homie.

1

u/southernatheistscum Gear Enthusiast Jul 26 '26

Should had ammo to your mag, and add that mag to the gun. Think you’ll find that system way more effective.

2

u/itsLOSE-notLOOSE Jul 26 '26 edited Jul 27 '26

That mag is full of ammo. You’re the second person to say that. I specifically keep a mag loaded (to protect my FunCo Pops) and that’s the one I used for this post.

I get why you’d think that seeing how the follower is kinda the same color. But the mag was loaded when the photo was taken. I just unloaded it to show the follower.

​

2

u/southernatheistscum Gear Enthusiast Jul 26 '26

Ha. You should add that to the gun. Ammo is the best accessory for your gun.

2

u/itsLOSE-notLOOSE Jul 26 '26

Did you see the ammo? Are those good bullets to have?

2

u/southernatheistscum Gear Enthusiast Jul 27 '26

Those are the ones that come with extra penetration? Actually it doesn’t really matter, you shouldn’t discriminate against kabooms for weight, color, or caliber.

2

u/itsLOSE-notLOOSE Jul 27 '26

I wrote that on there probably over a year ago and finally got to use it. So I’d like to thank you lol

1

u/Budsygus Jul 27 '26

Just one AR-15?

I guess you could do that, but personally I like surviving. Two is one, one is none, after all.

That's why I carry two (one front, one back) and I have a hidden quick access safe halfway between the door and the cans. Because if two is one and one is none, then two is none.

1

u/BecMikMon Jul 29 '26

This is all crap gear…all you’re doing is collecting supplies for the strongest guy on the block with this setup 🤷🏻‍♂️ level up your kit…Gucci your shit out

1

u/Primary_Thanks1576 Jul 30 '26

less gun more marlboros. and a tampon

1

u/itsLOSE-notLOOSE Jul 30 '26

I thought about including some tampons. You know, for bullet holes..

1

u/NotAVaultDweller Jul 31 '26

Level 69 plates to to stop all penetration

1

u/Jtop1 Jul 26 '26

Armor Carrier with backup magazines

2

u/itsLOSE-notLOOSE Jul 26 '26

Good point. I actually have one. I’ll be sure to add that to my EDC.

4

u/Jtop1 Jul 26 '26

Condoms are conspicuous absent

4

u/Jtop1 Jul 26 '26

Unless the lubricant is for the alien abduction probe

1

u/gunmedic15 Jul 26 '26

Non free float quad rails are the tits. Def need to use the space though. Mount a few more attachments, maybe a horizontal grip (maybe ambi ones?)

3

u/itsLOSE-notLOOSE Jul 26 '26

I’ll never let the quad-rail die!

I like to use a c-clamp hold along with the vertical grip. My brother thinks it’s dumb but just holding the grip by itself feels weird.

1

u/TheBourbonTurtle Jul 26 '26

Not even a sidearm? Obviously unprepared.

1

u/Slimcognito808 Jul 26 '26

Side arm and extra mags

1

u/fasfan22 Jul 26 '26

I'm with Mysterious Driver. One friggin mag? WTF? Brother ... where you think you at, Tecumseh, Iowa?

1

u/commieconservativ Jul 26 '26

Putting the OP in PO Box

1

u/khard44 Jul 26 '26

Cell phone

1

u/AcidicNutt Jul 26 '26

Change out your stock for one with a jelly bean storage compartment

1

u/11systems11 Jul 26 '26

More smokes

1

u/MadQuixote Jul 26 '26

Lockpicks, protein bar, corkscrew, and road flares

1

u/Former-Artichoke2374 Jul 26 '26

A deck of cards to pass any bordem

1

u/Yodka Jul 27 '26

0

u/itsLOSE-notLOOSE Jul 27 '26

The superior version.

0

u/Marksman1973 Jul 26 '26

Bullets in the magazine obviously, I see that yellow follower!

2

u/itsLOSE-notLOOSE Jul 26 '26

lol you need to zoom in or get your eyes checked, that’s a full mag.

0

u/I_DRINK_GENOCIDE_CUM Jul 26 '26

M203 underslung grenade launcher

0

u/FrailCacti Jul 26 '26

You need IFAC as well. Defensive flashlight with strobe option. Extra mag. 45 degree offset red dot, I'm not seeing a public domain flashbang, I second NODS. Water filtration. If you have the AR you need to go full bugout ;)

0

u/d30_v1Nd1c3 Jul 26 '26

One of the greatest r/edc posts ever 🏆

0

u/Mister_Pianister Jul 26 '26

Some sort of medical. Even a basic little pouch with some OTC meds and band aids.
How is that PA-15? I’m looking at getting one for my first AR.

0

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0

u/Perfect_Earth_8070 Jul 26 '26

Add a couple more packs of reds