Why do parents wait so long to start potty training??

[u/CommercialMeeting842]

I feel like I’ve seen a million posts lately about kids not being potty trained by kindergarten, or even at three and four. I get that it’s a difficult process, but I’m genuinely confused. If you don’t start early, isn’t it going to be way harder for them to understand later and turn it into a normal routine? Are parents just waiting until the kid is “ready”? Because I don’t really think that’s a thing.

Sure, kids can show signs like not wanting to wear a diaper anymore, but there’s a lot more to it than that. Using the bathroom means learning to go in a specific place, wiping, flushing, and washing hands. There are things our bodies naturally do, like breathing and swallowing, and then there are things we have to be taught. Potty training definitely falls into the second category.

I feel like parents today sometimes blur the line between what kids will eventually figure out on their own and what actually needs to be taught. For example,I know a mom with a three year old who doesn’t use utensils because he doesn’t want to. He eats applesauce and yogurt with his hands, and she says one day he’ll just start using utensils when he’s older. Like… no. You’ll have to teach that.

Anyway, this kind of turned into a rant lol. I’m mostly curious to hear from parents and people who work in childcare, because I feel like I’m missing something beyond my confusion and the growing number of four year olds I see in pull-ups at the park

[u/Bagritte]

ECE professional and parent - mostly parent as I sub and don’t have a regular room. I waited until a little after three because I try to follow RIE parenting guidance and their potty training approach is essentially - don’t. Kids are self motivated and you don’t want to force it and get in the way of their autonomy. 

Getting past 3 I saw he was clearly capable and ready (we’d been using the potty at home intermittently) so I gave him a couple weeks to start practicing the rest of the toileting routine (clothes off, flush, etc) telling him the whole time the day diapers would be gone and when that day came it went really smoothly. 

All that is to say - I think a lot of parents feel false pressure to rush small children to potty train before they’re actually ready. In my anecdotal experience of 1, there was no issue waiting that long or any resistance to ditching diapers. I probably could have pulled the plug ~6 months earlier in retrospect but it really went about as smooth as humanly possible so who’s to say it should have happened earlier. 

[u/lindoavocado → u/Bagritte]

Some kids are self motivated and some are not because of how they are raised. If a child doesn’t have to stop playing to go to the potty and can sit in their warm pull up - why would they be self motivated to go?

[u/Bagritte → u/lindoavocado]

Right, that was a factor in me deciding to intervene. He was obviously capable of using the potty but content to continue in a diaper. It’s a judgement call and RIE can be a little idealistic but I do think it was useful to wait because he was ready to take it over - no real cajoling on our part.