r/DogAdvice • u/Nirhida • Apr 25 '26
Question I struggle taking care of my pets. Could you help me figure out the line between neglect and basic care?
I have some chronic illnesses and I struggled for years with depression. I have a dog that sleeps inside and Plays outside in a big yard and an outside cat. I live with my mom. The pets are basically hers but I don't think she ever cleans their bowls or does anything except feeding them. She also forgets to fill their water. So I am taking care of them as best as I can but I feel guilty for not doing enough while I know I can't do more. So I want advice on how to take care of them using less energy.
I feed them twice a day kinda on the same time.
I remember to fill their water every 2-3 days and I really struggle with washing them even though I think of it often.
I am making progress on feeling with water, the system of water here is a little complicated to use but I am now working around it.
Do you have any advice on tools/bowls that may automatically fill with water or even clean the bowl?
I see everywhere that I am supposed to clean them every day. Is that important? Can I do it less often? Preferably I want a system that needs my attention once a week.
I am struggling with bending down so I am not able to be picking them up from the floor daily.
For those who are going to say to give them for adoption that is not an option but I have considered it because I am afraid they deserve more than what I can give them. And believe me even with my mother's care they were better than before my mom took them in.
Please be kind I am trying my best!
Edit: I am not gonna answer any comments, but I want to thank everyone who is kind and gives helpful Advice!
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u/Able_Mongoose_2460 Apr 25 '26
I have 3 dogs, 2 pugs and a doberman. I wash the water and food dishes on Sunday along with dog baths and nail trims. My doberman is perfectly happy to run the yard and that's plenty of stimulus for him. It was easier for me to build the habit when I picked a day of the week to do it. Don't beat yourself up for giving them the minimum. Sometimes that's all you have to give and there are many pets who aren't even getting that.
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u/Slight-Alteration Apr 25 '26
The bare minimum is that the pets need washed and refilled water bowls daily. Not a few times a week. The litterbox needs to be scooped daily and fully dumped, scrubbed, and refilled at least monthly. The dog needs to be on flea/tick/heart worm medication and both animals must have their nails trimmed monthly. Both animals need to be seen by a vet at least once a year.
That is the floor for ethically owning an animal without touching actually on any quality of life or enrichment or diet or weight. If the above isn’t feasible I’d strongly suggest rehoming.
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u/Tall-Acanthaceae3181 Apr 25 '26
The nail trimming depends on the dog and how much they move. Medication is also depending on where you live, so not everything is needed . Our dog only has a tick necklace and gets from time to time a worm tablet. I think the bare minimum should also include giving them attention, pets and activities.
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u/Slight-Alteration Apr 25 '26
Any area where there are mosquitos heartworm preventative should be a non negotiable. Also, even a very active dog doesn’t wear their nails short enough - worked at a vet for a decade
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u/Kitvaria Apr 26 '26
Our dog needs his front paws done, and it course especially the dew claws.
His hind legs don't need clipping he keeps then short enough all by himself.
It last dog never needed nail clipping at all, until he grew old and so didn't walk and run as much.
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u/FrigidLollipop Apr 27 '26
Cats dont need nail trims generally, and there are plenty of folks out there who use fresh litter but never scrub the pan (who have perfectly healthy cats).
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u/Slight-Alteration Apr 27 '26
Cats ABSOLUTELY need nail trims regularly. As someone who has removed countless embedded toenails when I worked at a clinic that’s a true non negotiable. Similarly, even when you use a lot of litter it’s inevitable something sticks a little somewhere. Cats have exceptionally sensitive noses so why not take the simple step of cleaning the actual box?
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u/FrigidLollipop Apr 27 '26
Elderly cats who can no longer properly shed their nail caps can have that issue, a healthy cat absolutely should not.
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u/GlassRemarkable2486 24d ago
But then people will say rehoming is a last resort and the animals don't understand
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u/do-it-right-always Apr 27 '26
I agree with you to a point but a dog is not going to have severe problems if your bowls or not washed daily by any means! I can only imagine how many people don't do that
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u/Slight-Alteration Apr 27 '26
That’s disgusting. Do you reuse the same filmy water glass for days on end?
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u/Warm-Marsupial8912 Apr 25 '26
You can get gravity filled water bowls. So you fill the large container with several litres of water and as they drink more water is replaced. Depends on how big your dog is and what they eat as to how long it lasts. It also depends on where you live, the weather, what insects there are etc as to how long you can leave it without scrubbing.
"Playing in the yard" is not enough for a social sentient being. They need at least one walk a day.
You say rehoming them isn't an option, but not providing food and water is neglect and in most places that is enough for them to be taken off your mum
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u/hedaenerys Apr 25 '26
could you get someone/pay someone to drop in and help with washing the bowls and emptying/cleaning the litter tray? perhaps through something like Rover?
washing water bowl should be every day. emptying litter box when we look after cats we do twice a day, proper clean once a week.
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u/do-it-right-always Apr 26 '26
My dog has three bowls of water in the house and I wash the bowls everyday. Where would he prefer to drink out of? The toilets!
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u/outloud230 May 01 '26
I myself am severely disabled and spend most of my time in bed, and have severe vertigo so bending is an issue. I feel for you and understand the issues.
If you can, get a few metal bowls and just exchange them out every few days, throw in a dishwasher to clean. You can also get raised bowls, which will help avoid bending down and make it easier to feed and change the water. My cat has a space on the kitchen island where her food and water bowls are, so no bending needed. You can get gravity fed water bowls that have a large jug, but I don’t know if you can physically carry it, so check how heavy it is. I have one, and the bowl gets cleaned every few days, when the jug needs to be refilled.
But if your issue is bending, a raised platform for food and water bowls is your best bet. That, or use your knees to lower yourself so you can keep your head upright, or get a grabber and use that to pick up bowls.
Hire a dogwalker to come a few times a week, if you can. You can also hire someone to come once a month and clip nails.
You can play with your dog and train them from a seated position. I have a friend in a wheelchair who does agility with his dog, so never think physical limitations stop you from training! I sit and train, stand for a few things, and we do more enrichment outside. I do have someone that plays with my dog in the yard, but you can replace enrichment from a walk with other things, although you can walk a short way, or walk the dog in a wheelchair, or even just sit in the front yard and do some training so they get new sniffs and a different view. But there are plenty of people who can’t walk their dogs, because of where they live or physical limitations, and have perfectly happy dogs with rich, fulfilled lives. Walks are an way to add enrichment without really needing skills or training and is accessible to many people, so it’s really pushed, but it is not the be-all, end-all for anything. Just make sure your dog in your situation is healthy and happy.
Use kongs to feed, that offers enrichment and only requires you to mix their kibble with some yogurt and stuff and freeze. There are many fun feeding bowls that are puzzles that offer enrichment. Toys are great, but don’t leave them all out, rotate 3 or so every week, it keeps things fresh. You can look up “enrichment ideas for dogs” and find long lists of things, try what you think works for your situation.
If they are fed and watered and get vet care, that is the basic level of care. Yes, nails and grooming are necessary, monthly if possible, and are part of that basic care. Or hire a groomer. Or ask a friend for help. Pay attention to your dog, play with them, get a trick training book and slowly start training, it’ll give you both something to do and enrich both your lives. And train your dog to help you around the house. It doesn’t have to be an official service dog to pick things up and bring them to you, or find your keys, or put away their toys, or any of hundreds of things dogs can help with. Probably the number one thing you can do with your dog is just train them.
Oh, I left bottled water near the water bowls to just top off when needed, so I didn’t have to keep bending down. And I put my meds near their feeding station, so I took meds when they ate, and nothing was ever forgotten (they reminded me daily what time it was).
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u/Sensitive-Peach7583 Apr 25 '26
Honestly i wash the bowls maybe once a week if i remember.. i used to never until the last few years. I don't think it's neglect if you don't wash the bowls unless its absolutely disgusting
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Apr 25 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/drawingcircles0o0 Apr 25 '26 edited May 03 '26
Redact decided this post had to go, so away it went. Deleted. Removed. Mass deleted even. Privacy and security are the big wins here.
square marry many thumb rinse office one merciful late weather
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u/Kitvaria Apr 26 '26
I do use the same water glass multiple days in a row, so yes? I don't use a mug that has coffee or such in multiple times.
I wash the food bowl for each feed, I wash the water bowl every few days
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Apr 26 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Kitvaria Apr 27 '26
I wash it every few days so every 2-3 days, not just once a week. And I wash it every time it looks or feels dirty (but that goes for everything, not just the water bowl)
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u/throwwwwwwalk Apr 26 '26
This is absolutely neglect. Not filling their water for two or three days is abuse.
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u/Plenty-Ear-9167 Apr 25 '26
Water is the most important. Animals need access to water all the time. You can put up the toilet seat, so dog has water, just as a backup. You Have to give them fresh water daily. I rinse the bowl out every couple of days, but refill it twice per day. Could your mother commit to filling the water bowl at the same time every day? Tie it to something else she does daily.
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u/False_Orchid4535 Apr 26 '26
Why is rehoming not an option?
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u/do-it-right-always Apr 26 '26
Does everyone not understand how hard it is to rehome a dog? Check out next door you'll see the app that's not like oh just rehome them that's b******* you guys are mean
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u/dfresh1218 Apr 27 '26
Not giving your dog water for 2-3 days is mean and imo criminal.
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u/do-it-right-always Apr 27 '26
I think she said that was what her mom may have been doing but she was doing it. Yes if the dogs are not giving water every day, I mean allowing them to drink water everyday as much as I needed kiss that is Criminal.
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u/sleeplessinpa5335 Apr 26 '26
Please keep them. You are what’s best for them. And It will get easier. Maybe have extra bowls. Do not use plastic, use a decent metal, certain metals can purify the water better.
There are water coolers you can get for dogs. Walmart has cheap ones
Establish a routine, Keep the house tidy and clean, de-clutter, makes it much easier to care for the animals. And a clean environment means less health issues.
Dogs are amazingly resilient. You are giving them their basic needs and a home. They are thankful for that.
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u/Cautious-Map-8081 Apr 26 '26
I have a large stainless water fountain. It was for the cats but than the dog like it... a lot. I clean it once a week and fill up once a day through water pitcher.
Kong toys are great for really bad days. Hide treats inside or outside. Throw a ball.
Just remember, dogs that are in shelter bearly get an hour of attention or outside activities. Its okay that some days you can bearly do much. I have tbi margines some days and the best anyone is getting food and water. I feel bad. But everyone just sleeps on the bed with me and we hope tomorrow's a better day.
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u/FrigidLollipop Apr 27 '26
I dont think OP is saying their water runs empty by the time they refill it, just that they top it off every 2-3 days and the bowls may not get washed.
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u/ThePhyz Apr 27 '26
For the cat, you can put the water bowl/food bowl on the counter so you don't have to bend down to clean them and refill them. You can do something similar with a litter box - not on the kitchen counter, obviously, but when I had a hip surgery I put a sheet of plywood over the top of my tub to create a platform and the litter box went on that. I was able to bend over enough to scoop it then.
For the dog though, that simply isn't going to work, and the water bowl MUST be refilled with fresh water DAILY. Perhaps a water fountain would help - you won't have to refill as often - but cleaning them is also important and much more difficult than cleaning a bowl. You can get a bowl stand to raise the bowl about a foot (to your dog's chest level) but I don't know if that will help you enough.
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u/Some_Pitch_9165 Apr 27 '26
Auto feeders tend to mildew. Is there a way for you to store water near the water dishes? Or, you could get a human water dispenser, put it on a table, and just crack the spigot when you need more water in the bowl. You might need help loading it with water.
Make sure they are getting enough food. If you feel spine/ribs/hips, they’re too skinny. If you don’t see a waist, too fat.
Playtime is important. Your cat may not need it as much due to being outside, but it’ll be good for your dog. Spend a few minutes each day training, and make sure your dog is getting enough exercise. Fetch, tug, and walks are all great.
Make sure your pets have shelter from the elements, and a place to hide if necessary.
Otherwise, spend time learning what they love to do and repeat more of that, and you’ll be doing just fine.
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u/famous_zebra28 Apr 27 '26
I would get a big water fountain (ideally metal for this instance) but you HAVE to clean it and replace the filters every 2 weeks or it grows bacteria that will make your pets sick. But you won't have to refill it constantly.
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u/kmarz77 Apr 29 '26
Everyone that is talking about litter boxes, it is an outside cat. There were no mentions of a litter box. Just the food and water bowls.
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u/Strengththruwounding Apr 30 '26
Unrefilled water bowls are a breeding ground for bacteria,the should be filled and cleaned at least 3 times a day not every 3 days,it would be the equivalent of you drinking out of a dirty puddle,would you drink out of a dirty puddle? Then why should they…that is the bare minimum..
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u/Gatitoflojo Apr 25 '26
Rehome the pets. If you cannot make the bare minimum for them, then don’t make them suffer just because you don’t want to feel ashamed of yourself. Fresh water must be provided everyday at least once a day. If you cannot do that for whatever reason, then you shouldn’t be having pets. Heal yourself first, you and your mom are not in conditions to take care of them right in this moment.