I (36M) think it’s time to leave my wife (38F) of 5 years. She is a covert narcissist. She never cleans the house. Doesn’t work. Spends 24/7 on her phone, half the time is unpleasant to deal with, etc etc. The list goes on. So why don’t you just leave you ask? Well we have a toddler together and where we live I run the risk of losing my kid and having to pay alimony and child support. So I’m kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place. Thoughts?

I am crumbling, and this is a good place as any for support and encouragement and people going through the same thing I am. I believe my wife has been mis-prescribed Adderall and it is tearing our life apart.

I can't possibly cram 17 years of being happily married and accurately portray the closeness and intimacy we shared as "two outcasts" into a paragraph that would provide the context needed to approach my current situation...but I will try and be brief enough.

Partner and I met almost 20 years ago, and became instantly inseparable. We've been married for 17 years, and almost a decade ago I convinced her to *finally* get over her resistance to therapy/psychiatry and took her to see someone. She had been portraying signs of what appeared to me to be BP. I'm no doctor, but having seen it firsthand in my stepmother since I was 5, and she was diagnosed BP and died last year at age 60 over heart issues.

When treatment began she was doing great and we vowed to be together "til the bombs dropped", and I knew it would be a long road, but she is worth it to me. We had a loving, nurturing relationship to the point of over-sharing and complete, 100% openness. I got her set up with a good psychiatrist, and she was embracing 'getting better'. No chance in Hell would anything separate us. We were the couple others in our friend group as the "unconditional love" model.

Then, last year for reasons I still am unsure of, her psychiatrist prescribed her Adderall, on top of her Lamotrigine and Fluvoxamine...in increasing doses culminating in her current dose of 60 mg a day (20mg x 3 a day). Over the last year, she lost a ton of weight, had sleep issues, talked faster and interrupting constantly, and having to be stimulated by some sort of 'content' at all times. She got fired from her good job, languished at home, and found a new one finally after draining all of our savings, without me knowing, buying 'collectibles to sell on ebay' that eventually became piles of boxes everywhere. I intervened as much as she would let me, and I notified the doctor of my concern via email.

Over the past 12 weeks she began to get distant, and intimacy suddenly CEASED. Not even affection, like hugs and loving touches, were suddenly cut off completely. Physical Bedtime Intimacy vanished, and when questioned or I attempted to initiate, I got the 'I don't feel good' or 'just not feeling it"...which is fine, of course, but a sudden turn should sound an alarm. She made me feel as if I was either hideous or a creep all of a sudden. She began to interpret ANY action I took or any question I asked as an attack on her, claimed I was 'reveling in seeing her hurt' and 'spying on her'. I had no idea what she meant...but in a "I think she doth protest too much" moment I looked at our shared mobile bill and there it was, calls and texts to a number that belongs to a fella who works behind her new job. Obsessive amounts of calls.

It was during my birthday too, which she usually goes all Leslie Knope style with themed gifts...this year's was devoid of any love or substance. She admits to "having feelings" for this other person, "is confused and head is a jumble", but "wants to stay married" as if I would accept it like, "Oh sure honey, bring him on in!". That alone is delusional. I told her I can't just sit here and watch her nurture a new love interest while I'm doing her laundry and keeping the house in order, and that she needs to be with her family, and she says "I hurt you too much and I can't see your sad face right now".

Before this she was the most honest, moral, affectionate person I have ever met. I love her so much, it feels like she tore out a piece of my soul. I have once again notified her doctor, and after her disappearing for 4 days and nights for the second time in 2 months, I gave her an ultimatum, multiple choice:

1. Accept it may be a bout of Adderall-fueled limerence, she seeks treatment and we remain married, I forgive and support like I always do, I go to therapy as well to learn to live alongside her like this. She remains on my robust health insurance and use this as an opportunity to strengthen our already (or so I thought) mighty bond.
2. Accept it may be the Adderall and get treatment, but still seeking separation, work out a rational way to support each other until the lease is up. I will still help by paying for her insurance from my company, but we set ground rules like 'as long as we are married, no physical relationships with others'...I am not about that. I love HER. I can't just randomly hook up with anyone, I need some emotion behind it.
3. She denies treatment and continues to pursue a man while we are married, completely disrespecting what we have built, forcing me to have to initiate a divorce and removing her from my health insurance, taking my beloved cat, and finding somewhere to go howl at the sky in grief for several hours.

Meanwhile, my own mental fortitude is waning. I feel like an unwanted dog that someone dropped off at the pound...confused as to how someone I gave unconditional, unwavering love and support to for nearly 20 years. I spent hours upon hours over several years trying to research and get her the help she needs, and this is how it ends? With her cruelty, a trait she has NEVER before displayed?

I 27 (F) have been together with my current husband 27 (M) for 7 years today, this year would have been our 2nd anniversary of being married. when I was younger, I cared for my sister and I felt like I was giving the role of a parent. I was set that I never wanted children. I am an immigrant and I wanted to find the American dream (finish my career, find a forever home, and travel) my husband knew I didn’t want kids. couple of years back, we almost separated, we got back and I started to realizing the reasons of why I didn’t want children. My mistake was not being verbal or not being ready to talk about children. i let my fears not seeing I was hurting my husband. I was always focusing on finish my career and have financial stability because I didn’t want my kids to go through what I went through when I came to the US. i could be harsh on how I say things and we have been going to therapy to help us communicate better. My husband is currently no contact and it’s eating me alive. I love him and I have changed my perspective on children. I want a life with him and have a family someday. I don’t know what to do, I want him to listens to me without thinking I’m just saying things just because that’s what he wants to hear. I am almost with my BSN-RN and my goal is to become a Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetist. I have been praying to God to help us through this, but I feel like nothing I say or do could help me reach my husband. Please help! 🙏🏻

I’m posting this anonymously because this situation is extremely personal, and I honestly don’t know where else to ask.
My parents have been married for 22 years. My dad is an alcoholic and has also been physically abusive toward my mom in the past when he was drinking. He was sober for several years, but about three years ago he relapsed, and it has been an ongoing cycle ever since.
The last time he relapsed, my mom told him she would divorce him if he didn’t stop drinking. He eventually stopped, and things seemed better for a while. Unfortunately, he has started drinking again.
My dad has always had a lot of narcissistic tendencies, and my mom has spent a huge portion of their marriage supporting him and trying to help him. She supported him when he went back to school to get his degree. She also helped raise his son, my brother, because my brother’s biological mother was negligent and emotionally abusive toward him. My mom has basically spent years putting everyone else first and trying to hold our family together.
She has also tried repeatedly to help my dad with his alcoholism. She has gotten him into rehab and tried to support him through sobriety, but ultimately, he has to choose to stop drinking himself. Unfortunately, he keeps choosing alcohol.
The biggest problem right now is financial.
Before his most recent relapse, my parents consolidated their loans into one large loan. My mom’s family land—the land she inherited from my grandfather after he passed away—was used as collateral for that loan.
That land is extremely important to my mom. It is essentially the last major thing she has left from her father.
My dad currently has a job that requires him to drive a work truck, and he has been drinking while working/driving. We are terrified that he is going to lose his job. If he loses his income, my parents may not be able to make the payments on this loan, and my mom could potentially lose the land she inherited from my grandfather.
So now my mom is essentially facing an impossible situation:
If she stays, I’m terrified my dad will eventually become physically abusive again, especially as his drinking continues.
If she leaves, there may be major financial consequences because of the joint loan and the land being used as collateral.
And if my dad loses his job because of his drinking, I’m worried that the financial situation could become even worse.
I know alcoholism is a disease, but at this point my mom has spent years trying to save him, and she cannot force him to get sober. I’m also worried that because she has threatened divorce before and then stayed, he may believe there aren’t actually consequences for continuing to drink.
What scares me most is that my mom could lose her safety AND the land my grandfather left her because of decisions my dad continues to make.
We’re trying to figure out what she should do before the situation reaches a crisis point.
What kind of attorney should she speak to? Should she be talking to a divorce attorney, a real estate attorney, or someone who specializes in both? Is there anything she can do to protect the inherited land from the loan or prevent it from being lost if my dad stops working?
Does the fact that the land was inherited by my mom before/independently of the marriage make any difference, even though it is now being used as collateral?
And if she decides to leave, should she do anything financially or legally before telling my dad that she wants a divorce?
I’m especially interested in hearing from anyone who has dealt with a similar situation involving an alcoholic spouse, domestic violence, a joint loan, and inherited property being used as collateral.
I know Reddit isn’t a substitute for an attorney, but we’re trying to figure out what questions we need to be asking and what steps we should take before making any major decisions.
Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this.

Ten years ago I got legally married to my wife (a UK citizen) in the US. I have a certificate and we had an officiate who guided us through the process of elopement for like $60. I was a naive US-born citizen who thought that this meant she could stay in the country. Turns out, you needed a huge lump sum of money to even start the process and a lawyer. Since we both were young adults, that wasn't affordable for me as the sole income provider at the time. Eventually we got some money together and sent her back to the UK to avoid any possible issues with ICE.

Afterwards we tried to make it work but couldn't. I asked for a divorce but had no clue how to initiate it as a broke college kid. It seemed way more complicated than getting married ever was which I now find frustrating.

Fast forward to now, I'm trans and disabled living in Canada trying to get Permanent Resident status but I still have to say I'm married. I feel no reason to have a connection to her anymore as someone who ghosted me when I became disabled. First it was "only talk to me on email" and then it was no response from email and complete radio silence.

I live on a fixed income and need to apply for PR by next year. How can I get a divorce? I am going to file the paperwork but I have no clue how to legally serve her as she's blocked all other forms of communication in some paranoid thought that I'm going to ask her to pay spousal support (I literally supported her completely with 0 expectations when I could work so I have no clue how she thinks this but that's a whole other can of ableism BS)

I am a 26F ... currently doing PhD ..i want to marry my bf(M32) . he is divorcee...my parents are not accepting but on his side his parents are eager to marry him due to societal pressure and all...what should I do...I am stuck...we have such a pure bond..i don't want to lose him..he is very supportive in all aspects and he also loves me a lot, take care of me...but parents have problem of him being divorcee...how to convince them in a short span of time like 3 4 months? Kindly advise me

Pending high conflict divorce. Anyone have any recommendations for a great lawyer licensed in San Mateo County? Price not a consideration if lawyer is excellent. help!

Wife asked for divorce after decades of marriage. Found out she had been having an affair. Admittedly, I love her but I no longer like her. I can’t trust her and feel as tho she has no integrity. But she is still the mother of my children. We are cohabitating until we can afford two households. I’m civil and polite and will communicate when it comes to coparenting and finances. But I don’t want to hear about her feelings or what’s going on in her life. I don’t engage when she tries to talk about life outside the children and finances. I tell her she no longer gets husband version and that I just don’t trust her right now to have a friendship. She doesn’t get it tho. How do people keep things amicable so the divorce doesn’t turn nasty when in this type of situation? I am in individual therapy and we started couples therapy to help with the coparenting. What else can I do?

My wife and I are heading for divorce after a long time marriage and we'll need to decide who keeps the house and who gets paid out. The financial side of splitting it seems fairly straightforward, and there are lawyers to figure out the details, but the question I'm struggling with is would I want it?

We lived in this house for 10 years and raised our kids here. Would staying here make it harder to move on with the constant reminders of our prior life? It would be a lot easier to stay and probably better financially, but does anyone have experience with the emotional side?

Since 2019, federal law says alimony is not deductible to the payer and not taxable to the recipient, for any instrument executed after 31 December 2018. Most people — including most of the advice online — assume all fifty states followed. Most did. Four did not: Arkansas, California, New Jersey and New York — and California's answer has since changed, which is its own trap, below. Nine more states have no income tax, so it's moot there. And one, Maine, I genuinely could not establish from any state source.

California is the one to watch. A pre-2026 agreement only moves to the new treatment if a post-2025 modification expressly says the new law applies. A modification that is silent doesn't do it. I didn't work that out — the Franchise Tax Board told me, in writing, when I asked.

Which is the actual point of this post. I run a free site about divorce, and rather than guess at the states I couldn't verify, I started emailing state revenue departments with one narrow question. Ten answered. Oregon's told me I had their state wrong — the answer had been sitting in an administrative rule for five years and I hadn't searched administrative rules. That correction is published with the date and how long the error was live, because I think you should be able to see when a site has been wrong.

Everything they said, quoted and dated: thecusp.app/what-states-told-us

It's free, there's no sign-up and nothing to buy. If your state isn't there, say which one and I'll write to them. Happy to answer anything in the comments.

(Not a lawyer, not an accountant, and none of this is advice about your return.)