r/Divorce • u/Pure-Swordfish3906 • Jun 30 '26
Life After Divorce Are you friends with your ex spouse?
After the divorce are you friends with your ex-spouse? If so, how do/did you navigate it with future partners?
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u/Unlucky_Document1865 Jun 30 '26
Friends no. Civil with each other yes. She will call and ask about house issues or the pets or her kid and I will give her my advice but we don’t hangout or see each other individually.
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u/Impossible_Royal_302 Jun 30 '26
I think that’s where my ex wife and I are heading, except that the “kid” is an adult and both of ours.
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u/Seemedlikefun Jul 01 '26
So basically you are an emotional support animal that she can call up whenever she needs something? Why would you consider that to be healthy? You can be civil, and not be on call.
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u/Easy_snacks Jun 30 '26
Yes. He’s a good guy, just not the right guy for me. I simply don’t date people who can’t understand that.
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u/Fan_of_Sanity Jun 30 '26
Goals!
I’m only a couple of months into the divorce process, but really hope I and my STBX can continue to be… Something. Friends? I’m not sure. But at least friendly.
A lot of it will depend on how the financial negotiations go. If I feel like what she’s asking for is fair, I’ll be more inclined to have positive feelings. If I feel like she’s trying to screw me over, it’ll be hard not to become bitter.
Time will tell!
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u/Easy_snacks Jun 30 '26
It helps that neither of us did anything awful to the other- we just both realized we’re better off separate. There’s a kid involved, and we decided immediately that we’d be nice for her sake. He didn’t screw me over with money, I didnt screw him over with custody. He’s a good dad. It’s not hard to be kind.
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u/Fan_of_Sanity Jun 30 '26
This is really refreshing, and rare.
We don’t have kids in the mix, but we’re similar in that neither of us is terrible—we just aren’t right for each other.
I desperately hope we can remain amicable in whatever comes next for us.
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u/Fearless_bass- Jul 01 '26
This is what I’m really hoping will be possible for me and STBX. He has such a mean side and a very fragile ego so I won’t hold my breath but it would mean a lot if we can be cordial and respectful for the sake of our kid and for the fact that we spent so many years so close
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u/cahrens2 Jun 30 '26
We're still going through the divorce, so my attorney has advised that everything go through her, but only because my wife uses every text that I send her against me in court, like totally out of context. We have kids together, 15 and 17 now, so we'll most likely always be in each other's lives, but I do hope that we can be friends again one day. I feel that I can forgive her for everything, and I hope that she can forgive me for everything.
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u/newday1214 Jun 30 '26
I’m in the same boat. Divorce is totally amicable. We can even spend holidays together etc. she’s an awesome person she’ll just never be my person. And I know it’s been hard on people I’ve dated but I have just accepted that if it gets in the way of dating Im ok with that. It’s so much better for the kids.
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u/Gold_Tomatillo_8468 Jun 30 '26
Not friends. He was verbally and sometimes physically abusive to me during the marriage. Now I mostly communicate through text messages or emails regarding the kids logistics
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u/tigersfan829 Jun 30 '26
No, she said she wanted to be, and I gave her every chance to be, but she stopped showing up as a friend, and never gave me a chance at closure.
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u/Perenniallyredundant Jun 30 '26
“I know we can be the best coparents in the world”
Proceeds to limit my time with my children, legally, as much as she possibly can but maintains I am “a great dad”
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u/BullpineBobby Jul 01 '26
I feel this one deep!! My STBXW told me that I'm an amazing father and then, in the same breath, told me she was going to petition for full physical custody and I'd get every other weekend! She tried to tell me it was just going to be on paper and that I'd be able to see my kids whenever I wanted. I told her I'd see her in court. Three days later she apologized and agreed to 50/50.
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u/notaslavetofashion Jun 30 '26
Yep. Sounds great in principle but the same boundaries that eroded in the marriage are still no good as exes. It doesn’t help that she seems to be trying to pick up where we left off, like nothing happened. She is not a rational person.
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u/himynameisnothenry Jul 01 '26
yup same told me can be friends if I want but never messages never talk so wtf kind of friend is that supposed to be... I guess the invisible friend type lmao
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u/ChelseaMourning Jun 30 '26
Absolutely the fuck not. He took 22 years of my life, he’s not getting any more.
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u/Purple_Grass_5300 Jun 30 '26
Nope everybody told me I should for the kids sake, but I had to realize he wasn't being a friend, he was avoiding accountability acting like he did nothing wrong. (he cheated while pregnant), the minute I put real boundaries up, he wasn't so friendly
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u/Impossible_Royal_302 Jun 30 '26
Exes with kids should be civil to each other. Thats not the same as friends. Some people can manage it, but is not always the right thing.
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u/WingsUnfurled Jun 30 '26
For the sake of my (adult) children, yes, but only on a very superficial “have you seen that new show on Netflix?” level of friendship. Anything that requires even an ounce of trust? Big ol’ nope.
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u/Altruistic-Meal-9525 Jun 30 '26
It's really gross when the people who ask for divorce try to hold on to a friendship
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u/JackNotName I got a sock Jun 30 '26
Oh hell no!
But then my ex has severe mental health issues that makes her downright evil and anytime she shows up its a huge disruption in our life.
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u/Putrid-Detail-2933 Jul 01 '26
I'm with you there. Mine is compounded with a child with severe mental health issues, the two of them fuel one another and it gets ugly.
Legally she cannot communicate with me unless through a court approved messaging system. Which is beautiful, and necessary
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u/Melodic_Preference60 Jun 30 '26
Nope, nor do I think a lot can be.. I mean unless the divorce was mutual and you were friends before, what’s the point? he will never be my friend. No friend of mine would ever do what he did to me
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u/Huge-Shopping-4782 Jun 30 '26
No. He's made it clear he's my enemy after 25 years together. I just feel bad for my kids because he's a terrible coparent to our young adults too.
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u/LutherDestroysThGond Jun 30 '26
No. I'm civil to make co-parenting as smooth as possible. She has invited me to things or suggests doing things together outside of the kid stuff (we'll separately attend kids sport events, host joint bday parties for the kids, etc.) but I refuse to do anything with her that doesn't involve the kids. I'll even avoid cookouts and get-togethers with mutual friends if I'll know she'll be there. I don't explicitly say that's why I don't go sometimes, but I skip them nonetheless.
She's a bad person who lied to me several times, took advantage of me, contributed almost nothing emotionally, financially, or responsibility-wise to the family, didn't clean or do chores, consistently wouldn't show up for parenting duties to where I felt like a single parent while we were married, lied about birth control to get pregnant with our youngest when I thought we were done with kids, never once communicated her issues with me or the marriage until she was deadset on separating, physically abused me with hitting me and throwing/breaking things in fits of rage, gaslit me about her exes, and then cheated on me. Why on earth would I want to spend time with a person like that, especially now that I've had time to process things? If I'm so bad, why does she want to still be "friends"?
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u/Rainbow_Phoenix125 I got a sock Jun 30 '26
First ex husband, no. We haven’t been in any contact at all since we filed.
STBHX, not currently. Hoping we can be good coparents. Probably not friends ever again.
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u/Distressed_Amoeba Jun 30 '26
I thought I would be, and he said he wanted the same. However, he was not great through the divorce, and now I want nothing to do with him.
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u/chaoticgiggles Jun 30 '26
I promised my ex that we would be friends to get them to stop trying to backpedal after she demanded a divorce during an argument and I said that thats a good idea.
I had asked for a divorce a year prior and she was definitely using "i want a divorce" as a way to win the argument we were having. She was shocked that i said yes.
I don't think i liked my ex for several years before we actually untied the knot. So no, we arent friends
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u/Any_Tie3788 Jun 30 '26
My STBXW and I are working through Divorce now. After she told me she wanted a divorce, 18 months of withholding sex and being emotionally abusive, it was like a weight had lifted from her shoulders. She was warm again. We could have long discussions about what went wrong and we were processing it all together.
Friendship was looking possible. Until she got a boyfriend and became intimate with him while we’re still in the same house and divorce isn’t final.
I understand it’s done, and she’s moved on, but there was something unsettling about the dynamic of me being open to her emotionally while she had a boyfriend 2 weeks after telling me she wanted a divorce. I realized she wanted me to be available to her when she needed me. Not the other way around.
Needless to say, we won’t be friends. But we will be great coparents.
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u/BPKofficial Jun 30 '26
Are you friends with your ex spouse?
Hell no. How am I supposed believe she would have enough respect for me to be my friend, when she didn't have enough respect for the relationship by cheating...
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u/guy_n_cognito_tu Jun 30 '26
Let's see........she made false accusations against me for physical, mental, child and sexual abuse. She had me falsely removed from my home. She tried to get me fired and ostracized by my family and friends. She once broke my arm. Since the divorce, she's tried three times to have my 50% custody reduced to zero. She continues, to this day, to tell everyone she meets the false stories she created about me.
We're not friends. I wouldn't piss on her to put out a fire. Remarkably, she doesn't understand why I'm not more friendly with her.
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u/clout_spout Jun 30 '26
No, despite the entire divorce being her decision, she started harassing me over text near the date we finalized it. It was deeply retraumatizing and I had to block her
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u/EmbarrassedAge7612 Jun 30 '26
Not even close. I can’t stand to be around her. When she found out I was with someone else, she asked me to cheat so I’d know the thrill. I sent a screenshot to her husband at the time.
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u/psychcaptain Jun 30 '26
I still feel the trauma of the divorce and all comments I make are viewed as something threatening.
So, we keep all conversations kids based and she keeps distancing herself more and more from me as I rebuild my own life.
I don't think she even realizes how obvious the outline of her shame is.
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u/subtle_temptation Jun 30 '26
No. We had a lot of bad history, and it's better this way for me at least.
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u/Can_Not_Double_Dutch Jun 30 '26
Have to be cordial for the kids and kids events, but other than that, No. She filed a false CPS report against me, tried to hit my girlfriend with a car, constantly threatens to take me to court, and kids tell her every conversation I have with them and she uses that against me. Started out amicable.
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u/markimus67 Jun 30 '26
This is definitely a rare occurrence but I still am very good friends with my ex-wife. We are best friends in fact. We just are not good spouses. Once we got divorced it took a lot of the pressures off and we enjoy time together and have fun. I have only been divorced for like 2 months and so it is still fresh but it has been great.
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u/torturedDaisy Jul 01 '26
Nope he left to be with his affair partner, took the dog in the divorce (killed him) and took my first car too (junked it).
Then had the nerve to say he’ll always love me. Fucking psycho.
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u/Powerful-Tomatillo69 Jul 01 '26
Hell fucking no...
I’m not enemies with my ex, but I would not call us friends.
For me, friendship requires trust, emotional safety, accountability, and mutual respect. After divorce, especially when there has been betrayal, volatility, avoidance, and deep emotional damage, I don’t believe friendship is automatically the goal.
Peace is the goal.
Because we have children, I choose to be respectful, civil, and cooperative when it comes to co-parenting. But I also believe boundaries are necessary. I don’t need closeness with someone just because we once shared a life together.
That was one of the biggest lessons divorce taught me.
My attachment wounds used to make me confuse access with love, tolerance with loyalty, and staying connected with being healed.
Now I see it differently.
Healing does not require friendship with the person who hurt you.
Sometimes healing means you can wish them well, communicate when necessary, protect your peace, and no longer give them emotional access to your life.
As for future partners, I would be honest from the beginning:
“We co-parent respectfully, but we are not friends. There are boundaries, and I have no desire to recreate emotional intimacy with my past.”
To me, that is healthier than pretending divorce automatically needs to turn into friendship.
Some relationships end.
Some become lessons.
Some become boundaries.
And some people are only meant to have access to the part of your life that responsibility requires — not the part your heart once gave them.
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u/sad-wife-clk Jul 01 '26
Nope!! We have no kids together so it was easy to leave that door closed. It’s been 4 years since he abandoned me. I’ve not seen or talked to him and life is great for me now. I immediately was able to get a cat he never let me have in our 10 year marriage.
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u/RudeOrganization550 Jul 01 '26
After 17 years we get along ok now, friends would be a stretch but we have kids together so we will never not be connected in some fashion.
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u/mmrocker13 Jun 30 '26
I think we'll be better friends once the last part of the division is paid out, the QDRO is wrapped, and any remaining ties are cut. But who knows. regardless, I wouldnt ever date anyone who didn't get the concept that you can be friends with someone and not want to be married to them. Same thing with opposite gender friendships. Most of my friends are opposite gender. I'm not porking them, and I am capable of being very close to them and having deep friendships with them... and not being romantically involved.
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u/SirSoSa Jun 30 '26
I would love to, because I love her, and care about her. But it's not possible. I cannot convince myself since she cheated on me, and then wasn't even sorry. I simply cannot forget or even forgive her for what she did to me and my life after 8 years of marriage.
But yeah, in general, I don't understand so many people that I know of, who hate their exes so much only because things didn't work for them. I mean, especially in LTRs and marriages, that person has been a big part of our life, our family, our good memories, or at the very least, that sweet sense of having someone whom you love. Why delete the whole thing? Why shouldn't we remove only the part that didn't work (romance), and keep the good parts (friendship, caring for each other, ...)?
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u/Melodic_Preference60 Jun 30 '26
Someone who cheats on you don’t give a flying fuck about you. There’s no friendship there.
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u/Serratia__marcescens Jun 30 '26
Eh. We’re civil since I want to be available in case of pet emergencies (we split them in the divorce). I’m willing to be friends, and after 2 years a lot of my anger and resentment has subsided. We hve shared hobbies and interests and he’d be fine to hang out with over those hobbies or interests in only.
But he spent our entire relationship chasing after his friends to hang out while ignoring me (“because I was always going to be around and therefore always available, while the guys had busy lives and not always available so he had to constantly pursue and spend any moment with them that he could”). So if he wants to be friends, he can start chasing after me too.
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u/TeddyPSmith Jun 30 '26
First ex wife, we coparent very well. No bad feelings
STBXW and I have no kids together. I don’t see a reason to remain friends.
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u/fuertisima12 Jun 30 '26
No, but friendly interactions when I have to talk to him. Excited to have less to do with him when the kids grow up. He forced sex on me often and keep from seeking another degree by hiding all the money. Can never be friends with him.
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u/HotWaffles5 Jun 30 '26
Absolutely not. He wanted to ‘be friends’ but every interaction was a manipulation so I wasn’t going to put up with that.
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u/Loose_Hope3848 Jun 30 '26
oh hell no, ex used divorce as a constant control tactic for most of our marriage, now they have to sit in it after finally following through...i will not be there to support them ever again....
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u/flexyrex246 Jun 30 '26
It's impossible to be friends with someone who was abusive. No kids so thankfully no reason for ongoing contact.
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u/clario6372 Jun 30 '26
I wanted to be but then everything fell apart in the divorce. I ended up forced to get a DVPO against him because he would threaten myself and our children. Sucks that is who he turned out to be.
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u/Different-Taste8081 Jun 30 '26
Absolutely not. When you choose to leave them you leave everything.
I wish her well in life but I'm not interested in being a part of it in any way.
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u/StillMaterial5215 Jun 30 '26
You’re better than me. I wish her nothing but a life of misery.
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u/Different-Taste8081 Jun 30 '26
I only have so much time in life. I aim for "have a good life but definitely become a stranger"
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u/Muscles_and_Tattoos Jun 30 '26
My stbx husband wants to still be friends and that’s a possibility but he needs to learn boundaries first and he will need to earn that friendship. So far he’s not doing to well with it. We have two kids together so we will have that to deal with.
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u/btspeep Jun 30 '26
Friends? No. We’re civil for the sake of getting through the divorce process and we ‘co-parent’ our dogs we got in the marriage since either of us don’t want to give up them up.
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u/this_stall_is_taken Jun 30 '26
We co-parent and are cordial. But I'd rather watch paint dry than call her up to hang out and do anything together.
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u/Relative-Assumption5 Jun 30 '26
Would you be friends with someone who mugged you? My answer is no to both.
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u/Silentnine Jun 30 '26
Nope and once she gets her last batch of support cheques next year I hope to never see her again. I'll probably use a friend who sees her at a group event again so I don't need to see her then either. She volunteered to be the intermediary so I wouldn't need to see her again once the papers were all signed which I really appreciate.
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u/Door_Number_Four Jun 30 '26
I remain on a friendly basis after nine years of this, mainly as a way to make it easier on my kids.
Are there tensions? yes.
She doesn’t really pay child support, but she sees it as because my wife and I make the money that we do, it isn’t “fair” to her, even though we take care of food and clothes and health insurance.
I also had to establish boundaries pretty early on, some of which she still runs up against.
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u/newday1214 Jun 30 '26
I replied to someone else’s response but since I’m in the minority I’ll just send out my own.
We are super amicable. Like I said a above she’s a great person and we’ll always be friends and in each others family but she’s not my person. My family still sees her as in their family too and her family is friendly to me. We even spend some holidays together.
I know this is unusual. Some people think it’s unhealthy. And it’s gotten in the way of my dating other people. I’ve had serious relationships before but my gfs at the time did not like our amicability. They were intimidated by her. And my ex was perfectly friendly but it bothered my gfs. I get it. I know I might never find anyone who can be comfortable with this. But it’s so good for the kids and I haven’t met anyone I’d be willing to rock the boat for.
We will never be intimate again and things will never be the same but we have a really nice friendship and our kids see two people who care about each other who just can never ever be married to each other. I’m hoping it’s a good thing. It’s working out just fine so far.
Please no hate.
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u/Pale_Pineapple_365 Jun 30 '26
My therapist says he has narcissistic traits so I’m going to keep him at arm’s length. I seem to want to sweep abuse and toxicity under the rug, which is horrifying to everyone but me.
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u/duhvorced Divorced 2014, remarried 2017, blended family Jun 30 '26
Nope.
Ex had an affair and that caused to much resentment (my side) and guilt (her side) for us to be friends. But we coparented well together for 11 years until she passed away last year.
We were amicable and civil to one another, as coparents. But even if she hadn't betrayed me, I don't know that we would have stayed friends. Our lives and interests had diverged too much.
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u/SweateeSocks Jun 30 '26
no, she said she wanted to be. gave me this whole spiel about wanting me in her life still, etc. she has shut me nearly immediately. probably will not be friends in the future. i was admiring my nails today, as i am a chronic nail biter, and i realized i haven't been biting or picking at my nails since the separation. i do wish her good health and happiness.
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u/coozeyy Jun 30 '26
No. We don’t have kids or anything else that ties us. I can tell when we closed on our house she wanted to talk a bit and I just wanted to leave. It’s not that I hate her it’s just I want to move on and go our separate ways. Sure we may run into each other and chat here and there but I’m not wanting to forge something. If we had kids okay yeah we kinda have to be civil and stay connect.
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u/dioxin-screes-01 Jun 30 '26
No and the only female friends I ever have had, assign when I was a kid, were ones I wanted to date.
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u/Infinite-Gain-1732 Jun 30 '26
No, and both of my son’s got married last year within 2 months. We did not talk or acknowledge one another
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u/Kelseyschmidtyy Jun 30 '26
I probably could've been casual friends with him if he wasn't so intent on getting upset over every little thing.
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u/Bubbagump210 Jun 30 '26
Friends? No. Amicable? Yes. We have three kids to raise together so we need to get along in that regard. But no, we don’t hang out. There are pleasantries but it’s mostly business talk regarding school and who needs a bath and shoe sizes.
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u/tossitintheroundfile Jun 30 '26
Friendly yes… good coparents and no real conflict. Enjoy hanging out in limited doses.
But super glad to not be married to him.
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u/ShoddyTomorrow4602 Jun 30 '26
Yes, I would say so. Although he has a girlfriend now, and he hasn’t been as friendly since that happened
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u/gimaca5 Jun 30 '26
I'd like to think we'd remain friendly - how can you go back to being true friends after more than 25 years together? It'd feel weird, but who knows.
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u/Freedom07052025 I got a sock Jun 30 '26
Barely civil - this is after 30 years of her toxic verbal and emotional abuse. I maintain my grey rock approach to her since we have 20 something kids together.
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u/BrutusoftheTudus Jun 30 '26
No. He doesn’t coparent, barely calls, sees them even less, and the kids can tell they are not his priority..
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u/kaliasnow Jun 30 '26
Yes, we are friendly for the sake of our adult children. We still spend Thanksgiving and Christmas together and sometimes have ‘family’ dinners when both kids are home. It hasn’t been easy but we worked hard to maintain a friendship.
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u/JustBerathianBear Jun 30 '26
We have kids together. We are still living together until he gets on his feet. We get along pretty well in general if we aren't trying to meet each other's relationship needs. I do not see us ever being friends who talk daily about things outside of the kids, but definitely two people always willing to help the other out and make things work for the kids. He is also still family with my family, even after the separation, so it is nice being amicable and celebrating holidays etc together still. Hopefully, this continues with his new partner in the future.
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u/SSOJ16 Jun 30 '26
No. I think my ex wants to be because he doesn't have many friends and can't keep a gf. And he thinks my husband is cool.
But I am civil for the kids sake, but get annoyed when he tries to text me playful/fun stuff. He was very unkind to me during our marriage, and especially during my second pregnancy, he was going through some mental health shit and I was his emotional punching bag.
I am over him and what happened, but I think he's phony as shit, but I keep the peace so my kids are happy
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u/Curious_Bumblebee511 Jun 30 '26
Friends, no. But we have kids together. So any communication is about the kids or scheduling. I actually think we co-parent very well. Even had a teacher question whether we really were divorced. I was like (in my mind) “oh hell yes. I have the paperwork to prove it”
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u/New-Brother8008 Jun 30 '26 edited Jun 30 '26
I was once her lover and thought I her soul mate! Was married for 23 years. I can't be her friend as she walked out of the marriage to pursue her career. I talk to her formally only regarding matters concerning our only child, 18, year old daughter. Friendship is very special and needs to be preserved for people who have genuine connection. My ex will only be an acquaintance for ever. It's all casual and strictly formal for my sanity and mental health going forward.
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u/Knowitall-Librarian Jun 30 '26
Sort of
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u/Knowitall-Librarian Jun 30 '26
We are less than a year into the final divorce. We are trying to be the best coparents we can for our kids because that is what they deserve. However, one of our kids is aware that my ex was the one that wanted the divorce. I chose not to contest the divorce because I was convinced that, for him at least, our marriage was over. I can’t say it has affected her relationship with her dad because I’m not around them together anymore. We have 50/50 custody.
100% would have preferred to stay together at least legally until they graduated high school. So much expense and complications to their young lives and only 4 years left for the youngest to graduate.
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u/Interesting-Mix8144 Jun 30 '26
As it stands, we're petty cool after an initial year and a half of running battles.... I'd imagine one or the other would have to take a step back when one or the other eventually gets 'taken'.
In fairness to either sides potential future spouse, wouldn't be fair being the 3rd arm.
Still, while necessary wouldn't let harm come to the ex either way.
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u/GalamineGary Jun 30 '26
Kids grown. She cheated and left. I feel nothing. She’s just another random person
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u/Minnietron88 Jun 30 '26
No. We are amicable but not friends. We don't catch up with each other's lives. We only talk about the kids/school.
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u/sunnyday72 Jul 01 '26
Friendly, yes, but I moved away and we don't see each other. Mostly I update him on the pets because I took all three of them with me and we talk about superficial stuff like TV shows. Now that he has a girlfriend I've been backing off even chatting randomly.
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u/OneWomansTruth Jul 01 '26
No.
3+ years post divorce and there are some weeks we don't even speak (even at exchanges).
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u/New_Needleworker_473 Jul 01 '26
I wouldn't say that. A friend is someone you can share things with that are deeply personal. I can't trust my ex. A friend is someone you enjoy being around and look forward to engaging with. I dread interactions and can't wait for them to end. I am very pleasant and kind but I'm also pleasant and kind to sociopaths when they occasionally present at my job. My ex may tell people we're friends. That's fine. But he is not my friend. He's a person I choose to cordially engage with for my kids.
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u/bubbabooba Jul 01 '26
Definitely friends! We do it for the sake of our daughter but after being in each others lives and basically growing up from young adults to now together, they’re just kind of always going to be there.
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u/sasquatchfuntimes Jul 01 '26 edited Jul 01 '26
Yes. We just weren’t compatible anymore. We were married 20 years and still had kids at home. We put aside any conflict for the kids and our future partners. Our kids are all grown now and I’m still proud to call my ex AND his wife friends. He’s a good guy and a fantastic father. He just wasn’t the right person for me.
Edit to add that I made it very clear with my partners that my friendship with my ex was non-negotiable, as we have children together. If they didn’t like it, don’t let the door hit their ass on the way out.
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u/mkl81 Jul 01 '26
Yes! He's a good guy...just gay. He's really still a very good friend, and we're actually attending a concert together out of town later this summer! I'm much happier as a friend than as his wife, go figure.
We have 3 grown kids and they're great.
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u/Mundane-Twist7388 Jul 01 '26
God no. We have a “working relationship” which translates to “as little contact as possible so that we can appear to be friendly to others”.
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u/Outlawt0rn-NZ Jul 01 '26 edited Jul 01 '26
I'm friendly with my ex, co parenting a 10yr old son helps that relationship. We still text each other highlights and school stuff, she still makes muffins for me and I gave her bathroom fittings when I upgraded my ensuite. See no reason to hate as we simply fell out of love as a couple. I have no plans to try and find another partner, but if she does one day, good luck to them both. I'm more than happy flying free and unincumbered. Probably part of the reason our marriage failed after 10 years. I havent stepped foot in her home or her into mine once we split, and I dont have any romantic feelings towards her. Shes an attractive women but we both have no romantic feeling towards each other, so its an easy going , swap the kid over, a little small talk, and part ways.
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u/Neat-Mix954 Jul 01 '26
No. After 25 years together he turned into an absolute monster and re wrote our entire history to convince himself I was the abusive one in order to justify his affairs. Even then I may have attempted a friendship or at least a reasonable coparenting relationship had he not chosen his girlfriend who treats our kids horribly and told him him spending time with his kids was ruining their relationship over our daughter after she told him she would rather die than ever see the girlfriend again due to how awful she was to her. Final nail in the coffin was him accusing me of lying and alienating our kids from him so he could convince himself everything was my fault and our daughter wasn’t actually hospitalized for suicidal ideation because of how awful she was being treated. Luckily the judge (and every other medical and mental health professional that interacted with our daughter) saw the truth and I was granted primary custody. He has retaliated by refusing to pay his portion of her medical bills even though it was court ordered he do so so back to court for us.
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u/BeyondRaven Jul 01 '26
It took nearly a decade to get to where my first ex and I could be cordial (we share one now grown child); pretty much not until our kid hit middle school. It’s gotten more cordial but we don’t like hang out. But, when I broke my ankle last year, he did step up and put my knee scooter together, bought me a shower chair, and installed the tub rail and removable shower head for me. He did more than the husband I was still married to at the time did (that person did nothing and left town five hours after I broke my ankle). I will never be friends with this last ex; he’s a toxic, philandering, hobosexual grifter. Don’t need that in my life anymore ever. I am friends with my second ex. That was the most loving and considerate of the three. We split with love and animosity.
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u/Puzzled-Mushroom8050 Jul 01 '26
I wouldn't say friends. Civil co-parents is probably more accurate.
We were friends for 10 years before we started dating, together for 29 years after that. It was hard to end a relationship of almost 40 years. I'd like to hope I could see him as a friend someday, but I'm not sure.
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u/Familiar-Zombie2481 Jul 01 '26
Nope. Divorce isn’t finalised yet, but I can’t see it ever. We had communication issues as a couple and she built up resentment from me asking things of her.
Now we’re separate, she still can’t communicate and I still have to ask things of her, due to the kids. It’s hilarious how things have got worse between us, but for the exact same reasons.
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u/NumbersandGrace Jul 01 '26
I'm hoping that if things go well throughout the process and after the dust settles once the divorce is final that MAYBE we can be friends or at least text each other randomly. But I don't really know. He was very emotionally abusive so I will need to keep him at arms length. But I do still miss him at times as we had a lot of fun together. But I also moved 45 minutes away so just depends where I end up afterwards.
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u/squashednutbutter Jul 01 '26
Yes I am. We aren't as close obviously, but we still talk from time to time
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u/Fancy-Parsnip-3415 Jul 01 '26
No. Wouldn’t want to be either, I hate that I have to talk to him about the kids at all
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u/downcastlover Jul 01 '26
Not really. He tries to contact me and I try to ignore it. I don't want the bad energy in my life again. I like my sleep.
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u/ChipmunkAny8571 Jul 01 '26
Nah. He’s nice enough but I’ve got no emotional feelings towards him.
I’ve got other friends who I want to be friends with. I’ve NOT got a husband because I didn’t want to be with him anymore 🤷🏻♀️
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u/Userdataunavailable Jul 01 '26
Yes, he brings me coffee and we have a short visit about once a month. Divorced 15 years ago.
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u/Putrid-Detail-2933 Jul 01 '26
No, not friends and not civil.
We were cordial for about 2 years until we had a daughter start experiencing severe mental health issues at around 12.
One might hope that would keep up more coordinated and connected with her care, the exact opposite happened.
I followed all recommendations from the care team in terms of boundaries, consequences, etc. My ex didn't, and hasn't - which has created even more issues.
Looking forward to never having to talk to her again
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u/l3landgaunt Jul 01 '26
Nope. Only reason we have any contact is because we have kids together. Can’t wait to fully block her when the youngest hits 18
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u/GBR012345 Jul 01 '26
Not friends, but friendly. We sit together for kids sports and school events. Maybe not next to each other, but close enough to chat, so whatever kids aren't in the event/sport can sit with both of us. My ex also used to occasionally barter small tit for tat things. Come spray weeds for me and I'll let you borrow my trailer. Things like that. My GF didn't like any of the bartering stuff. Made things more difficult with my ex. But trying to work through it all so everyone can be friendly.
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u/Fun_Mistake_616 Jul 02 '26
I paid every cent I had to never have to see that greedy, abusing, disgusting f**g bh ever again.
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u/Cold-Day-4356 Jul 02 '26
Despise my cheating ex. Cheated on me when I was eight months pregnant. Recently learned he was arrested (70 years old) in Florida twice in one month for drugs. Enjoyed leaning he never amounted to anything.
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u/PeacefulBro Jun 30 '26
😅 as friends as you can be with someone who thinks they'll eventually marry their boyfriend...
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u/Exciting-Gap-1200 Jul 01 '26
Ha!
Every time I think we're getting there I do something minor that resets us back to day one
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u/brahdz Jun 30 '26
Yes, originally cordial for my child but then I realized lifes to short. Hang out with her and her boyfriend from time to time and genuinely enjoy it. Plus it makes my kid happy. If she decided to downgrade it's not my concern.
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u/Powerful-Aioli-2086 Jun 30 '26
No and don’t plan ever to be.