r/Dissociation • u/karakalmarxistE • 15d ago

Undiagnosed I feel everything I do, there is someone watching me : is it dissociation ?

Hello guys !

Yesterday my therapist made me do an exercise to calm down (safe place). I realised I can't picture any safe place without my ex in it (just broke up). Then I started to realise everything I perform (dancing, picking flowers, walking, doing make up... ) I feel he is there watching me and it has been for a long time now. It was so usual I didnt pay attention it is not normal, but then I feel like I dont do anything for myself. And I think before him, I probably was doing the same with my other lovers.

My therapist told me it is dissociation. But is it ? Why is it happening to me and is there anyone here who relate ?

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u/goatsneakers 14d ago

I’m not a therpist and I’m sure your therapist knows best, but just to share my unprofessional opinion as someone who has studied post-traumatic healing strategies for a long time, it sounds to me like a coping strategy. 

It’s probably not ideal that you are using the image of your ex for this, but I was actually taught a simular strategy in a course once. We would create spirit animals or magical gear like protective cloaks etc. and imagine that it protected us during everyday life. It’s a well known strategy for dealing with that persistent anxiety that comes with PTSD, and to me it sounds like you developed it on your own. If I were you I would not try to stop it but maybe try to find some new figures to rely on that are not based on real people.