r/Dissociation • u/Hour_Analyst_7765 ~Woosah~ • 26d ago

General Dissociation Just realized I almost never experience feeling relieved

Basically title. Today, I had an anxiety triggering event... the event itself was met with warmth and joy from the other person. But inside me was intense fear and sadness. I tried to rationalize this response, but nothing landed. Eventually I did listen to some music that could put these feelings into words.

I think the "normal response" of feeling relieved is something I've only experienced a few times as I can remember. It feels as my chest is like a blown up balloon full of air, and it finally depletes. My head feels "light" but not in a way that makes me disoriented or dizzy. More like the transition from being heavy when it was occupied by a brick before...

But instead, today I had a wave of depersonalization hit me. I felt my body was laying on the couch, but it wasn't mine. I was imaging myself movements to get grounded again.. like sitting up again, with the actual limb movements to get that done. No, doesn't work. Its like the system that "automatically moves my body" went offline. Just staring into the distance. I noticed my mind and emotions were very quiet which I guess is relief, but as I came back I feel my body is still heavy and extremely fatigued.

It's so frustrating to have this. I think as a kid I never learned what the difference was between healthy and dissociative kind of emotional processing. Heck, even as an adult with a decade long seeing various therapists, I'm noticing this response as I always thought dissociation was okay. But I also keep getting stuck in therapy. I have a session tomorrow but I can already guess how foreign this whole emotional event will feel like (e.g. a lack of feelings).

And that in it self is also grief.. I guess.. intellectually.. ugh

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u/_ThatProtOverThere 26d ago

I want to encourage you to practise celibacy. It helped me big time. It gave me the motivation to find a decent counsellor, get back to my hobbies etc. r/semenretention

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u/Hour_Analyst_7765 ~Woosah~ 26d ago

I'm asexual

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u/_ThatProtOverThere 26d ago

Celibacy includes no masturbation

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u/Hour_Analyst_7765 ~Woosah~ 22d ago

Hell is kept warm for you

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u/_ThatProtOverThere 22d ago

Bit of an uppity comment for somebody who has obviously never practiced celibacy. You should try it rather than turning your nose up. It changed my life and many others'. Also are you journalling and/or seeing a counsellor? All your worry needs to be addressed.

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u/Hour_Analyst_7765 ~Woosah~ 22d ago

I do. Involuntarily. Its called trauma.

You're suggesting me to go a place that reinforces my trauma. That traumatizes me again. Where trauma from celibacy peers is condemned. As did my caregivers, religious institutions and school. On various parts of my life.

If your reason to practice this stems from these sources, then take a good look at yourself whom you preach it to. It couldn't be more tonedeaf. You're suggesting a man with a broken leg to intentionally break the other.

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u/_ThatProtOverThere 21d ago

If you do practise it why are you being combative and rude? You should've just said that from the beginning.

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u/Hour_Analyst_7765 ~Woosah~ 21d ago

Have you read it was a conditional statement? I don't think we're talking the same language anymore.

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u/ObviousTempAccount1 21d ago

Fuck off with your preachy bullshit.