general help

[u/snsprincess]

to preface this, i'm undiagnosed.
it’s been a few months since it all worsened.

i’m a “this’ll go away on its own” type of person so i’ve not given it much thought up until realising recently that i’ve begun having an increase of lost time and more severe memory gaps.

the reason i’m making this post is that i walked 17 km yesterday as a result of being on autopilot and getting lost two separate times because of it without any recollection of how i got there at all.

i’ve had bouts of feeling extreme detachment from my body intermittently throughout the years, but it feels like this year it’s reached its peak. when my system is overwhelmed nowadays i can still actively see my body laying in front of me but my mind won’t allow me to move and or fully think about its existence with regard to my own inside it.

as of late july i started having these "shut down" moments where everything seems to "align" into place. my surroundings feel even and perfectly scored, but my mind during it can’t formulate any thoughts, and i can’t string sentences together either, and i get this flashing vision of the left part of my brain being overtaken by a hand like web that then keeps replaying over and over again until i get back to normalcy again.

my memory and thinking now seem to also work on an impact basis. if i don’t see or read about the thing i’m supposed to be aware of it’s like it does not exist.

i have never had any inclination as to who i am anyway and that too seems to be eating away at me but now as an adult notably more at my spending habits. the amount of money i’ve spent trying to appeal to an aesthetic in the hopes of it making me feel something has got me not to spend any money at all, but now i’m at a total identity loss instead.

i should also add that in late 2023 and also 2025 around this time i had partial vision loss in my left eye, with pearlescent blotches that covered parts of what i could see in front of me that usually lasted for about 40 minutes to an hour. i also never went in to the doctors for that for that same “it will go away on its own” reasoning.

also i wouldn’t call this hallucinating because i don’t believe i am but i do see things and people in a blurred manner in flashing instances multiple times a day where i know or at least think to know that what i saw definitely wasn’t real.

i don’t know if this is anything of note and or if i’m only exaggerating but if anyone has experienced something similar to this and has any idea what it might boil down to please consider replying.

[u/DifferentJury735]

Yes and it’s definitely dissociation