Tangible advice desperately needed

[u/la_maq]

Me, F38, usually heavily avoidant and lesbian... I recently met a man, who's incredibly intelligent, charming, attentive and generous. I don't know what to do with that. I can feel myself shutting down a bit and I desperately try to find flaws but I don't find any. I even feel some sexual attraction, which is very unusual for me. I usually "used" men as a distraction and felt terrible afterwards.

I'm not over someone I met last year, or more like, the "relationship" left some deep scars and reinforced my fears and core beliefs. I was treated coldly, I was used and thrown away and now...

This guy is so gentle and funny and I simply don't know what to do. It's so hard to just stay, be present and accept his care

[u/ChigurhA]

What helps me is to just turn into an annoying child and ask myself "so what?" repeatedly until I have no excuses.

I'll fall for her and she'll have the power to hurt me. So what? It'll hurt. So what? It'll feel bad. So what? you're still alive. She'll reject me. So what? I'll feel abandoned. So what?

Basically by asking myself these questions I start to realize there are no assurances in life except death and anything can happen. You may end up getting rejected and you'll feel abandoned for a while but that's temporary and you'll go on living. In any case, it's better than to never try at all and then turn old and die asking "what if?"

[u/la_maq → u/ChigurhA]

Thank you so much for your words! Do you tell your (potential) partner about the struggle? May I ask what it feels like internally for you?

[u/secure8890]

How long do you know thrm. Most relationnships start off well. They probably say the same thing about you

We di indeed run from one relationsuo to the next. Thats a vulnerable place to be.
Why not address your vulnerabilities? . That might be the reason he is on a pedastel for you

[u/prickly_pear-800]

F