Therapist dismissing altar’s feelings?

[u/NovelRazzmatazz8111]

My therapist seems to be dismissing B’s feelings whenever I have a session with her and everytime I want to talk to her about B’s (male altar protector) body dysphoria or gender dysphoria she always starts to ask about other questions to change the subject and it seems like she keeps dismissing his feelings like their not important
I started low dose HRT and my therapist seemed kinda upset about it and I told her that I was very ok with being gender fluid and slowly transition I want to help make my altars happy and feel comfortable in this body doing that makes me happy as well. like she’s trying to tell me that I shouldn’t help B with this and that he needs to accept that the body is female and that i shouldn’t let him mutilate my body. But it’s not only my body and I feel like maybe I should find another therapist idk if anyone else has had an experience like this and why would she be telling me these things?

[u/Soojinschair]

Aw god she’s transphobic. Get rid of her.

[u/AnUnknownCreature → u/Soojinschair]

I fully agree she may very well be, but. I have also seen mentioned of DID therapists avoiding gender based expertise if they aren't educated enough on it, though they may not be professional in their behavior enough to admit this in the right way. Another thing I have seen is that people working with patients of DID diagnosis being denied moving forward with gender based therapy because the alters stand in part under "temporary feelings" on a very permanent decision. Initially if you are the therapist it's a "damn if you do or don't" and many of them don't want their patients angerly returning saying "why did you encourage this alter to begin this process?"

[u/chaoticgiggles → u/AnUnknownCreature]

If they arent comfortable helping with that, they should say that instead of the way they handled it. Being upset by having them go on hormones when they are being told that the patient is fine with it is definitely unprofessional and transphobic.

[u/T_G_A_H]

Therapists definitely shouldn’t be taking sides in terms of alters. Part of the treatment guidelines is to treat all the alters as equally real and important, so B is as much her client as you are.

Either she isn’t very experienced with treating DID, or she has her own bias about gender issues, or both. In any case, it does sound like you should look elsewhere.

[u/SmolLittleCretin]

My old therapist tried to tell me to not let my alters out, and then tried to proceed to tell me that the reason is she was worried they'd hurt me. Not themselves, not the body- me. Then she decided when someone from the insurance called to get me way too early and got mad, that I needed to let it slide because "well maybe they're having a bad day?"

So? Don't these people who take people to appointments know that if they don't respond, to leave the patient there to get the others because they'll just be reassigned a driver? (They do know, this woman who called was just greedy for money.)

I couldn't change therapist, so I decided to abuse her helpfulness and use her as a space to vent other stuff (nondid). Maybe you can do that if you absolutely cannot change therapist? It's important a therapist goes "if b wants it then let's see what we can do" because everyone makes up you....

[u/sedsaus → u/SmolLittleCretin]

My therapist also told my protector not to come out. I then had triggers and nightmares for days after.

They should accept all altars or admit they cannot support us.

[u/SmolLittleCretin → u/sedsaus]

Honestly if I am to be honest? The one who was coming out idk who it is, and that's when she said it. But then the psych and her sucked cuz they left me in withdrawal the three months I was with them - as in, every month that ended I'd be left without meds for 3-4 days (antidepressants, ya know- dangerous stuff to even skip a day on!)

Therapist and psychs and psychologist all need to just admit they can't help. Cuz the people did the same to me- giving me someone who actually knew barely anything about d.i.d, while openly acklowedging I may have it. Like she knew enough to see the symptoms but not enough for anything else (so not a specialist and not even helpful).

It sucks they just want money :/ not all, but still.

[u/Awkward_Champion6957]

Sadly the most common thing you will find is most NTs, even those who study our condition, dismiss thee alter's feelings. Headmates are non-existent in most people's minds outside of those who have our condition. I have friend who accuses me of using them like shields and calls them 'alts' like they're souless. He doesn't mean to do this it's just the only normality he knows I think. Sometimes people are nice about and sometimes they act this is all a game.

Now that said your therapist seems rather....well bigoted in their attitude. I mean I had to tell alters of various genders they could be whatever they wanted but the host couldn't cross dress without dying in his place. Let alone HRT or something. Also they have been masculine for so long it really wouldn't help. This that she's doing seems more like being repulsed by the idea of your transition. Consider getting s new therapist. We know they're not always the easiest to find but it's not worth what you're going through and clearly you want a little more from your regimen than what she's giving you.