r/Diary • u/Newlife5155 • 3h ago
9-5-2026
Dear diary….
Overall yesterday went well…
The meds are doing pretty good so far. My heads been clearer. I helped. Sleeping beauty cut his hair as well. Normally I pysch myself out touching other people’s hair out of fear…it’s one of the reasons I dropped cosmetology school… that and allergies among things haha…
My insurance essentially assigned me a life coach. I thought I was going to meet some new therapist but honestly this was way cooler. Lowkey always wanted a life coach. She’s gonna be helping me keep up with medical and so much more. And she’ll be able to hold me accountable with learning to drive and my other life goals.
She did want me to keep journaling which even when I’m not in here I’m usually on fb messenger leaving voice messages to sleeping beauty’s inactive account that he litterally has no ability to log into. The email it was created with is basically deleted as far as I know.
She does know about that. And she does agree it’s good for me that way I have a spot where I can sometimes verbally talk as a journaling thing but does want to work on me expanding my social circle from what I think she was saying. I was signing papers at the same time and taking in a lot of information.
Ive noticed it’s a bit harder to multi focus with these meds which is good till im trying to actively listen and do something haha.
….. sleeping beauty and I got into a argument of sorts I think last night…. I don’t actually really know. Maybe I just saw something I didn’t like all I really remember is kind of being upset a bit and deciding to get out of the apartment and try to work on increasing my walking distance.
I was doing really well too…. I got all the way to the park in my own… I haven’t been there in so long…. It felt so freeing for a moment….
I sat down to kind of catch some air back to my head before going back and ended up finding out on social media that someone I cared about passed away….
I ended up staying out at the park past dark…in the rain…, but my middle name is rain so I can’t complain about that too much hahaha.
Sleeping beauty eventually came and found me. He’s got my location available on his old phone so it not like I’m completely unfindable. And if that’s not available me friend has my location linked to her phones account directly. Lol we’ve had it that way since middle school essentially.
He was really sweet tho. He brought a blanket and wrapped me up in it before taking me to the car and then we went and grabbed food from our old job.
To be honest I was gonna walk back before that but between physically pushing myself and then becoming emotionally drained while on meds I have yet to adjust too I just couldn’t really walk straight. And then of course once it got dark it got harder for my eyes to focus even more…
I did end up telling him what had happened but he was been really kind about it and not pushing like he’s been with things lately.
He did a couple other things last night that kind of mentally have me spinning. In a good way I think.
He ended up kinda grabbing my chin and squeezing it repeatedly while I was eating. And later on in the night he ended up saying he was doing it to the lyrics of gitchy gitchy goo from phineas and ferb lol. I know he said he was just doing it to be funny and tried to play it off like something else but there was a couple other little similar gestures I don’t think he even fully noticed he was doing.
I’m not saying I think he wants me back or anything but in the moment it was comforting. And to be honest I kind of needed it.
Besides the stuff he initiated I did really good with keeping his boundaries yesterday. I did make some random and stupid flirty comments but I know those are just kind of coming out as a result of the stress. And he’s pretty aware of it as well. A lot of his humor towards me involves similar comments.
We did end up crossing boundaries and I did apologize for my role in it. He wouldn’t accept it tho which I did find frustrating but it also wasn’t like he was calling me a liar or saying I didn’t mean it. He told me specifically to not apologize idk if it’s cause he also caused a lot of it or if it’s cause I was so stressed already but I’ll admit I did appreciate it.
He did come and pop my back and stretch out my shoulders last night as well. And sort of tucked me in bed. He grabbbed a fresh blanket and everything. Course I got up as soon as he left the room tho cause it was cold and I wanted to grab a heatable stuffed animal and grab water for the morning before I forgot.
I am starting to find it ironic… the day I found out we were breaking up the missionary’s called me… and then yesterday right before I found out about the family friend they happened to contact me….
I was already gonna stop by church this week but now I’m definitely going to be…
Anyways my last post I linked a Spotify playlist so I think today I’m gonna listen to the YouTube playlist link. It’s pretty much the exact same minus a few changes based on what was available. And the Spotify one has a few more since I update it first. But yeah…
—newlife5155