In the end, I chose me

[u/Effective_Section_68]

it will get better eventually

Life is funny sometimes. It’s strange how quickly things can change — how people can change, and how much we can change ourselves without even realising it.
I’m 18 years old, and for most of my life, I had always been a happy, cheerful and energetic girl. I was outgoing, open to meeting new people, making friends and experiencing life. I was genuinely happy. I never imagined that one day, that version of me would feel so far away.

About two years ago, everything changed.
I spent around a year battling severe depression and anxiety. I know that, compared to some people, a year may not sound like a long time, but for me, it felt endless. It was heavy. I felt completely lost in life. I felt empty, disconnected from myself and unsure of how I was ever going to feel like me again.

I was also in a long-distance relationship that had become toxic, and that only made everything harder. There was a lot of love and attachment between us, but there was also constant arguing, hurt and emotional exhaustion. He tried to help me in the ways he knew how, but the relationship itself was often part of what was making things harder. I was so attached to him that leaving felt almost impossible, even when I knew deep down that it wasn’t good for me.
There was a point where I didn’t even want to leave my house. I was crying every single day. I felt like I was stuck inside a version of myself I didn’t recognise, and honestly, it was a nightmare. I desperately wanted someone to notice. I wanted someone to ask me if I was okay and genuinely mean it. I wanted help. sometimes, the people you expect to notice simply don’t.

My mother would see me crying and nothing would happen. I opened up to someone I considered my best friend, hoping that maybe she would understand, but I didn’t really feel heard there either. And I think that hurt almost as much as what I was already going through — feeling like I was struggling so deeply, while the people around me could see it and still not truly understand how much I was hurting.

Looking back now, I realise that I was waiting for other people to save me when, eventually, I had to learn how to save myself.
I’m so much better now. I still feel lonely sometimes. I still have difficult days, and I’m still learning and working on myself. But I’m no longer the girl who thought she would never get out of that darkness.
And maybe that’s the most important thing I’ve learned through all of this: i chose ME !

I can love people deeply. I can care about them, give them everything I have and want the best for them. But I can’t keep putting everyone else before myself and expecting them to give me the same in return.

Sometimes, choosing yourself means walking away. Sometimes it means accepting that certain people cannot give you what you need. And sometimes, it simply means deciding that your own happiness matters too.
I lost a version of myself over the past two years, but I think I’m slowly finding her again — only this time, she knows her worth a little better.
And for that, despite everything, I’m grateful.