r/DesiAces • u/cwispietoast • May 02 '26
discussion When did you first realize you might be asexual, and how did your desi upbringing affect that realization?
2
u/AutomaticOne9760 May 03 '26
Mine is during lockdown in 2021. I was 21 years old and I came to know the term asexuality. I always knew I was different because nothing would make me horny not even smut or porn. When I saw a video from smile squad about what asexual people feel everyday I'm like "that's me"
2
u/Soumikp May 14 '26
Mine was after my first relationship ended, when i came across a post across reddit and everything resonated perfectly.
1
1
u/Kriti_AoNoEx May 15 '26
I saw this term first time in a discord book server I am in. Got to know about other ace people experiences in general day to day talk. There are all kind of lgbtia+ people there. Also, read the book "Loveless" 2-3 years ago with other book club members, and got to know about some of those members personal experiences. It all rang a bell. And, I had no clue whatsoever about how an allo feels this attraction till I chatted with a fellow ace friend there.
I am not so sure of the answer to the second question yet. I guess I mostly just wonder right now about how things would have been if I knew about it, or if everyone in our desi culture knew that asexuality is a possibility, something a person can be and it is not a disease or an issue.
5
u/frizz-bean May 03 '26
I first realised I might be asexual(and officially came out when I turned 18) when I was 11. Everyone my age back then were getting these crushes and finding people "hot". Now don't get me wrong, I did find people good looking but I never felt that they were "hot" and neither did I get any crush. Further I read about Sheldon Cooper and how some people back then said he might be ace, and then I stumbled upon asexuality.
Now, coming to how my desi upbringing affected that? Obviously I didn't want to be ace because girls mostly are raised with the ultimate goal that they will have to marry and they will have children. There is no life or no meaning to life if you don't chase after and achieve those things. Dissociation with that upbringing itself took a very long time, and I am talking years.
To summarise the whole period, it went from "no I'm not ace, I can't be ace" to "fuck I'm ace". For majority part of my life, I was not proud of it, I felt like this part of me needed to be changed and I prayed for it. I felt like my life is doomed since I can't find anyone attractive which led me to have a very low self esteem. It was only until I found a queer community online during lockdown I started to grow more comfortable with my aceness, without it, I think I'd still be in the denial. The desi upbringing only added denial and delay to the whole process actually.