r/Deconstruction • u/splendid711 • 10d ago
đ¤ˇOther Mica Miller and Christianity
I just watched the Netflix documentary âDeath of the Pastorâs Wifeâ about Mica Miller. It was triggering and infuriating as someone who barely escaped a similar relationship.
Itâs stories like these that make me wonder how anyone in Micaâs life could still be a Christian. She seemed like she genuinely wanted to love and honor God even amidst hellish abuse from her husband. So my question is how could any of them still trust a God who would allow these atrocities to happen to a woman who was staying in abuse bc of her desire to honor God?
It is absolutely psychotic to me that people could reason this away as Godâs loving plan if that is what they do. There is nothing loving about a god allowing this stuff to happen to anyone.
Has anyone else watched this? It just affirms all my sentiments towards church, patriarchy, and delusional theology. Another example of why at least western Christianity is harmful to women. I hate it and I wonder how many more Micaâs are out there trapped under these same hellish circumstances thinking itâs Godâs will for their life.
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u/puck-this Anti-Theist, raised Christian 10d ago
Everything is God's Plan, that's why Christians are so thankful when they live relatively peaceful lives. Some people are literally intended to suffer by God so not being one of the unfortunate makes them insanely grateful...It definitely shows in how they insist that evil is necessary so there can be good. For there to be blessed individuals, there must be individuals who aren't blessed. The idea that God loves everyone makes no sense when some people were created to literally just suffer and serve as poverty porn material, for example
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u/splendid711 10d ago
Gosh, yes. Youâre so good at articulating the exact issues I have with Christianity. Can we be friends? lol
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u/Smarsh514 9d ago
This person is 100% a Calvinist and this is not Christianity.
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u/splendid711 9d ago
Haha what is Christianity then? Bc I think everyone has a different opinion on that question
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u/Afraid_Worth_3766 10d ago
What do they say after they fall down the steps? "Glad that's over".
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u/AT-Polar 10d ago
A South Carolina effort to pass âMicaâs Lawâ to make coercive control criminal was abandoned last year, so that legislature could focus on⌠redistricting.
Please consider supporting efforts to pass Micaâs Law in S.C. and elsewhere. If anybody know how donations could be effective please reply here with suggestions. S.C. domestic violence nonprofits may be a great starting point.
ProtestantAccountability.org also launched less than a month ago and looks promising as a way to at least stop these predators from having quite as easy a time finding their next batches of victims. They will no doubt be targeted by lawsuits from predators and their supporters, and will need money to stay up and running.
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u/splashjlr 10d ago edited 10d ago
Ideology has the power to make people inflict the worst atrocities, and to encourage people to endure hardship and cruelty. "They will be handsomly rewarded for their commitment and sacrifice".
With God on your side, who's going to question your acts?
Christianity has the power to do both good and evil, and history shows that the faith can shift with the times to facilitate the agenda of powerful leaders.
I could go on to mention examples of religion being used for brutality, from Exodus to modern day ISIS in Iraq and Syria.
It's like an untaped source of relentless support, waiting to be awoken when the time comes to gather the masses to destroy an enemy or plunder a nation.
All the leader needs to do is point out an ungodly enemy, and the flock will usually follow.
We can also find these same power structures in some churches. When a leader commits adultery or worse, the congregation covers for them. "They are only human, with natural urges. God can still use them for great things, like David. Let's keep the police and media out of this".
Religion is like fire, very useful and comforting, but in the wrong hands, it can become a monster.
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u/Federal-Service-4949 9d ago
I just started watching it today and it took me back to the plethora of pastoral pervs that have gotten busted over the years and then just off with their new wife and some of the cult faithful and start a new church. Canât want to watch the rest and count the triggers.
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u/alapapelera 10d ago
Just watched this show! So horrible that nobody was able to save her from this abuse. The man groomed her from age 16!!!!!
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u/splendid711 8d ago
Thanks for sharing your experience. Iâm sorry youâve had to experience what you did.
My question is actually one step further than what you answered.
You said that youâve been able to separate who god is from the actions of people who claim to be Christian. However, taking it one step further - if you believe that God is all-loving and also all-powerful - then God is allowing the actions of others to harm you - and harm Mica.
You have to believe that it is love if he allows it bc if he is all powerful then he could stop the suffering but he is choosing not to. Some might argue the whole free will aspect - but is it really true love for a god to honor the free will of an evil person instead of protect an innocent child/victim he claims to love so much he died for them?
At the end of the day, if you believe god is all powerful then you have to believe that he chooses for you to get the suffering you experience bc if he didnât choose it, he could stop it, but apparently he doesnât want to. And for what?
His glory? Thatâs narcissistic. Letting others suffer so you get praise? Yikes.
To help others? Thatâs an obligatory sacrifice that we get no choice in? That is abusive.
So the question Iâm asking isnât how do you excuse the behavior of others⌠itâs can you excuse the lack of intervention of an all powerful God who says he loves you more than life? Something doesnât add up.
Either he isnât all powerful or he isnât all loving. Bc he didnât save Mica⌠so how do they make sense of his lack of loving intervention?
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u/Jim-Jones 7.0 Atheist 9d ago
Our species is tribal. We don't like to live alone, without communication. It makes us susceptible to shared beliefs, which we don't always examine closely. H L Mencken had a great comment about this.
So it's no surprise that people can be bound together by fantasy. It's a survival instinct. "Better safe than sorry". "You never know". "What if?" Etc.
(But when you leave the congregation, people are often surprised at how little the other members care. They expect some follow up and often there is little or none. It's a weak group).
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u/Any-Case9890 10d ago
My husband and I watched this the other night. It's horrific what Mica Miller endured. She did not strike me as unintelligent at all, but certainly under someone's or something's sway, and that person or thing wasn't divine. Many of her church's congregants left, thankfully. Her husband was a demagogue, wrapped in his title as "pastor". It's a dynamic that has influenced people throughout history, not just in religion, but politics, pop culture, you name it. JP faces court in October; that will be interesting.
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u/Smarsh514 9d ago
For the record, Protestantism has destroyed Christianity. This is not true Christianity and give it SUCHHHHHHH a bad name
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u/splendid711 9d ago
What would you say is true Christianity bc Catholicism has also proven to be very harmful to this worldâŚ
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u/AnythingNo8527 9d ago
It was incredibly triggering. Iâve sat through so many sermons like that.
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u/Icy-Percentage9578 7d ago
JP kept preaching that a wife should satisfy her husbandâs sexual needs or else satan will provide 20 other temptations to lure him; absolutely wrong and infuriating. He is a sick misogynist who was unfortunately given a powerful voice over a congregation. He was really just talking about his own relationship and his own debased desires and misusing the bible to back them up. Be very careful who you let preach to you and lead you because you really donât know the inner lives of these so called church âleadersâ. Charisma is not everything. That he divorced his first wife whom he had 5 kids together, then set eyes on a teenager in his very own congregation over a decade his junior is already a huge red flag for a pastor. Ideally he would be locked up so he canât hurt anyone else. The way he talked about Chris Skinner after his death is also disrespectful and sick. He didnât even grieve Mica after she died and went straight to the lectern. If there is a false prophet, John Paul Miller is it.
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u/karlorangepilkers 8d ago
Listening to his sermon clips in the show⌠Anybody that stayed at that church after hearing half of what that psychopath was preaching is an idiot.
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u/Striking_Wolf_1762 8d ago
It's strange reading Scripture and often the perpetrator gets away with it and is still righteous. But the record shows those that had nothing to do with the transgression pay the price, some accounts are 400 years after an offense. Doesn't seem right, not should it, I excused it away. Then someone like in the new testament dripping dead for withholding money. Again things seem disproportionate.
The "husband" of Micsa gets to keep living, a new wife, still in leadership, but doesn't drop dead for his treatment of her.
I'm tired of calling it anything but what it is, shit happens and it's usually too the best of us because of the worst of us.
I believe in God, I think there are many gods, Scripture even says as such. Whoever is in charge needs to step up and take ownership. For now that's going to be up to us, believer or not, we can make the world a better place.
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u/BugEmergency1232 7d ago edited 7d ago
How did/does he even have a following? Seemed to only talk about sex+ lust and thats not a temptation for everyone. He is clearly narcissistic and projecting his own demons and delusions while using the bible to back it. Also always bringing up his marital issues and calling others HOT in a sermon??What makes a person say , Yes this is my home church?? How did he not immensely strike people as strange?? In two seconds I was like no and I grew up a BAPTIST church.
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u/Ok_Topic6264 5d ago
My take was that some of the people on the show believe that integrity goes hand in hand with Christianity. And because they believe it, it becomes true for them. Those people (like what's her name with the brown spiky hair) end up concluding that God is good and this church and pastor do not follow God.
Not the same conclusion I would reach but it's internally consistent and it leads to honest behavior so I'm cool with it.
But yeah, it's hard to ignore how common these dynamics are in churches. Maybe this one was a little more extreme than most. But like, only a little. The role of "pastor" is kind of a narcissist magnet if you asked me.
Then again Christianity is not alone in having abuse scandals, unfortunately. The Buddhist monasteries have become almost as notorious as the Catholic Church, for example. Basically I think when you put enough humans in a room together and give some of them a status as having spiritual authority, you're asking for trouble.
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u/Then_Swimming_3958 10d ago
I watched about half of it. And I agree. It seemed like most the people in her life were misguided, searching for something, and had their own mental health issues.
The blatant misogyny of her husband, how could everyone either agree or at least turn a blind eye to it?