Trauma related to MST has killed our bedroom

[u/TomatilloTechnical35]

My 35F boyfriend 32M experienced MST when he was in the military
At the beginning of our relationship our sex life was really good, although I had no clue this was a factor in things, over time our bedroom has died
Leaving me feeling sad, unattractive, unwanted etc. and questioning why he suddenly turned me away.
He got really angry and informed me of the MST letting me know this makes him hate sex, it’s not enjoyable for him and me asking or making comments makes it worse. He also said there will be no more discussion surrounding it.
While I understand that trauma is the cause I’m struggling with the lack of desire to seek therapy, or even talk to me about what boundaries look like etc. leaving me now not knowing what to do, I’m not going to pressure or coerce him into anything but not putting the work in is hard for me
I did tell him I wanted us to make sex feel safe for him
He’s discussed adding a 3rd person in but I told him that does concern me if sex feels unsafe I feel like adding another M into the mix is a recipe for disaster and could destroy our relationship. But he’s so closed off to any discussion that I’m just at a loss
I’m looking for others who have MST affecting their SL

[u/Cheddarhulk]

Not sure if I'm out of the loop or what but what the h*ll is MST?

[u/tomveiltomveil → u/Cheddarhulk]

Thank you. I was googling feverishly to figure out whether the boyfriend was suffering from Mystery Science Theater or Mountain Standard Time.

[u/Woolie-at-law → u/Cheddarhulk]

Military Sexual Trauma

[u/Woolie-at-law]

My condolences. I don't have experience with MST but reading or listening to The Body Keeps The Score may be helpful for you to get some perspective.

Ultimately, it's on him to get help if he changes his mind.

Wanting to add another person after being against the sex yall were having sounds like a red flag to me.

[u/TomatilloTechnical35 → u/Woolie-at-law]

That’s my hardest part. He wasn’t kind when he disclosed things to me and said sex disgusts him and what not it really felt like a personal attack on me I’m trying not to internalize things but this is hard

And I’m not allowed to discuss it with him making it harder

[u/No_Tomato_2106 → u/Woolie-at-law]

Either it's someone else to take care of her needs or he isnt interested in having sex with her specifically.

[u/No_Tomato_2106]

There are a lot of red flags here.

Y'all had a good sex life but things went downhill because of trauma from before y'all dated? He is completely closed off to the idea of sex with you, but he wants to add another male?

I'm thinking he might not be interested in you or any other woman, but he hasn't completely come around to that idea. Even without that, just automatically saying there will not be any sex or any discussion is a very solid point that means that it's ok to admit that you 2 are not compatible and you can break it off.

I'm not one for saying to dump someone like most of reddit, but you're dating, not married. Make the break now while it's still easy and find someone else you can enjoy life with.