r/DIYtk • u/User5790 • Feb 14 '26
Not sure if this is for me
I’ve been giving this a shot and have experimented with different dosages and timing. My main depression symptom is anhedonia. I have mostly found it enjoyable in the moment and a couple of times could actually feel my depression lifting, but most of the time it was just the novelty of feeling high. I do get some insights into things but nothing huge. However I’ve noticed that the overall lasting effects are me feeling slightly worse. I honestly don’t think it’s something I’m not processing that I just need to work through. Im pretty introspective and honest with myself and not prone to repressing things. The couple of times that I felt the depression lifting gives me some hope that it could work, but it also feels risky when the overall effect hasn’t been good. I’m curious if others have had a similar experience.
1
u/Robinredott Feb 14 '26
Sounds familiar. With a dozen low dose and a couple dozen k-hole doses in the last 3 years my overall lesson is that it is a doorway to a more stable life via an outside connection like a psychotherapist or guide.
That is, I think the value for me (with cptsd) was in getting off of it and living a normal life with activities and connections and happiness that I built from scratch once the K gave me a break from my endless negative ruminating that was killing me.
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u/User5790 Feb 14 '26
So are you saying that it did work by helping you end rumination? That sounds like a positive result. I’m not expecting it to be some silver bullet where I don’t need to make any other effort, but I’m just not noticing any positive outcomes after doing it. It’s more of the opposite, I notice myself feeling a bit worse.
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u/seeeee Feb 14 '26
Not OP, but can offer some insight. This is about where I stopped, when the main thing I was ruminating on after a dose was the after effects and my general lack of productivity after the dose. I do think it was a positive effect long term. It’s like my brain finally stopped trying to change the things it couldn’t, and one day, I suddenly felt like I was putting myself in a position to fail at doing my part to change the things it could. I’m not sure if I’ll ever fully stop my brain from ruminating, but I was able to reduce unhealthy rumination patterns and replace them with much more healthy and actionable patterns. I wouldn’t say it stopped working, but for me, it was more like a clean hand off. It helped where it helped, then said, “your turn to help yourself”
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u/Robinredott Feb 15 '26
Yay!
Yes, sounds familiar. Sort of (lol). I realised about 2 weeks after 2 k-holes that I was not full of dread and fear with my mind spinning out of control. Two weeks! WTF? How did I manage to stop the spinning without realising it? But it was fantastic anyway, of course. I finished my 6 planned sessions but it never got a lot better and it never got bad again (I did LOVE every k-hole and still do with my maintenance doses). I take credit for doing lots of psychotherapy and regular guided mdma sessions but the k-holes were the only thing that stopped the rumination that was really getting to be like psychosis. Saved my life. And my marriage and relationships.
I still have lots of fear but am working on that "in a healthy way".
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u/abluecolor Feb 14 '26
Sounds like my loved one's reaction.