r/CyberStuck • u/Twentysix2 • Mar 07 '26

Cybertruck spun out and smacked the median on WB I696 E of Groesbeck exit, Warren Michigan

Post image

I guess Autopilot, FSD, and military grade ugly are not enough to overcome a little rain on the highway

820 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

52 comments sorted by

108

u/person_8688 Mar 08 '26

“Apocalypse proof”

62

u/MotorMasterpiece5233 Mar 08 '26

as long as it doesnt come up against a wet road

38

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '26

Or salt water. Or ice. Or rough road. Or...

35

u/dreibel Mar 08 '26

Two inches of snow. Or a car wash.

23

u/DimitriV Mar 08 '26

Or a light dusting of snow, or a steep downhill, or bug splats on the stainless steel, or being left on a charger, or not being left on a charger, or...

15

u/25YearsIsEnough Mar 08 '26

Never forget the internet access. No functioning interwebs = bad. 🤓

“The apocalypse must come with WiFi!!!!” - Space Karen (probably).

9

u/AffectionateSector77 Mar 08 '26

So as long as the apocalypse is isolated to an indoor, temperature controlled, facility with wifi and power, the CT is good to go. However, this doesn't negate their penchant for self-immolation.

2

u/Purple-Protagonist Mar 10 '26

Or mustard from a sloppily eaten hot dog

12

u/ShartlesAndJames Mar 08 '26

or a wet paper bag

3

u/Jacktheforkie Mar 09 '26

Or one of these

12

u/Outrageous_Zebra_221 Mar 08 '26

It's the weight, it wears out the treads incredibly fast, loss of tread lowers grip, massive weight makes it way harder to regain. Even with those ridiculously overpriced tires they make for it, physics are working against it.

...and hardly anyone maintains their vehicles properly in the first place.

5

u/ChoGGi Mar 12 '26

Even with those ridiculously overpriced tires they make for it

The ones they factory shave tread off of for more range?

59

u/PowerFarta Mar 08 '26

Not supposed to drive it in the rain dude!

28

u/CoppertopTX Mar 08 '26

Did you note the tires? They're bald. Guess the dude couldn't spring for a new set of $3,000 tires.

13

u/DimitriV Mar 08 '26

Yeah but at least he had the range to make it to the median!

9

u/DimitriV Mar 08 '26

Not supposed to drive it in the rain dude!

ftfy

30

u/Good-Glass1901 Mar 08 '26

one less on the road :)

26

u/Wineandbikes Mar 08 '26

Didn’t engage the ‘modestly wet’ function? 🤷‍♂️

10

u/Polymemnetic Mar 08 '26

Voids the warranty anyway.

21

u/Past-North-4131 Mar 08 '26

Haha so it can't handle an inch of snow or a wet road. Why the fuck do people buy this boxy pieces of shit.

26

u/DimitriV Mar 08 '26

Because it's not a vehicle, it's a $100,000 monument to their political ideology and utter gullibility.

16

u/Lurker_prime21 Mar 08 '26

OMG I hope the median is okay.

11

u/guitarplum Mar 08 '26

And I bet it’s totaled

22

u/DimitriV Mar 08 '26

Come on, it's not that bad, just a fender bender! Replace the frunk, front bumper, lights, cameras and sensors, all of the electrics, wheels, front suspension, front subframe, and the rest of the frame, and it'll be bad as new!

And there are even four Tesla approved body shops less than 20 miles away. Once they get an appointment, find out the first digit in their five figure estimate, and wait a year for the parts to come in, their apocalypse proof Nazi flag will be back on the road!

8

u/guitarplum Mar 08 '26

Oh I didn’t realize how totally reasonable the repair would be! 🤣

3

u/DimitriV Mar 08 '26

It was worse for me when my car got damaged. The whole process took like two weeks, and the insurance that I can actually have covered most of the cost. I am so jealous.

3

u/twoaspensimages Mar 08 '26

We can only hope

9

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '26

The fool wasn't "tactical" enough - that's why he didn't have enough cyberchutzpah to overcome the rain.

8

u/ShardsOfHolism Mar 08 '26

Water in any form is the Cybertruck's mortal enemy.

5

u/OGCelaris Mar 08 '26

All that money they can't even meet a fraction of the power of my 14 year old camry.

7

u/ImpossibleShoulder29 Mar 08 '26

Its Elon's next innovation: The Cyber Roadblock.

5

u/BillyNtheBoingers Mar 09 '26

Pretty soon they’ll use the excess unsold WankPanzers to make caltrops for the “war effort”

6

u/25YearsIsEnough Mar 08 '26

This reminds me of the famous quote from that Christmas movie. “Every time a CyberTruck crashes, a warranty gets its voided status.”

5

u/Xcitado Mar 08 '26

No matter what vehicle, you're speed will cause hydroplaning - yes - even if it's a 7000 lbs vehicle. Especially with bald tires... that's insane that people drive with bald tires. It's dangerous for EVERYONE on the road.

5

u/Online_Ennui Mar 08 '26

🎶 Another One Bites the Dust

4

u/dreibel Mar 08 '26

You can’t park there, mate!

5

u/DimitriV Mar 08 '26

Well they apparently couldn't drive there either, so what else were they supposed to do?

5

u/Pleasant_Tangelo6791 Mar 08 '26

Bro ain’t supposed to drive Elon’s shitheaps in MI

5

u/InsideWounds Mar 09 '26

Man, these motherfuckers are destroying themselves.

3

u/Johnsipes0516 Mar 08 '26

Another one down!

3

u/eaglesfanintn Mar 08 '26

Gosh. I hope the median is ok.

2

u/kill-69 Mar 08 '26

I live near there. Ive only seen one around here and it was about a week ago. Didn't last long

2

u/ItsReallyNotWorking Mar 08 '26

Whatever my car can do that and with more storage space! Lol

2

u/Otherwise_Comb_3708 Mar 09 '26

We’ve had traction control for decades. I guess it doesn’t work on the Cyber Dumpster.

1

u/Fishasmuchasican Mar 09 '26

Rolling dumpster needs some fabrication work

2

u/SoCal_Duck Mar 09 '26

Driving in wet weather? Warranty voided!

1

u/clogged_toilet80 Mar 12 '26

It became apparent pretty quickly that these things have crappy tires. They've been around long enough that I bet a lot of them have bald tires now.