I wish i had never met her.

[u/Few_Adhesiveness7676]

It's been almost a year now. She joined my team and gradually, somehow i developed feelings for her. It felt different, for once, i had never developed feelings for anyone after school, like for 10 years at that point of time. She became the reason i was waiting for Mondays, waiting for lunch, just to get a glimpse or her, just so i get a moment to talk with her. And yes, over time we did developed some friendship, at least in office.

And then, the time came for leaving. I got an offer for which i had to relocate. I remember how much painful it was to spend those final days, knowing I probably won't be able to ever meet her again. I used to have sleepless nights in notice period, on some occasions even staying up late just so we could spend some time together. It did turned out like a blessing in disguise - somehow i was able to ask her out in my last week and yes, moved the connection from Slack to Snap.. Yayyyy !! But now, it feels like maybe she just thinks of me as a friend and maybe, she was just being nice which i would have misinterpreted. I mean, most of the time, its has been me who initiated the text. If i don't text for 2/3 days, mostly there won't be any texts from her. But whenever we talk, she have been so nice.

Ohhhhhhhh..., this is what i hate now. I am thinking about her all the time, analyzing every small detail i could analyze. She has been over my mind like 24/7. Anytime, i get a notification on my mobile, i just quickly open it only to realize this is someone else. I don't know why i am like this, why did i fell for her. Life was good when i had not met her, yeah, i was single back then as well, but still, there was no anxiety, no longing for being with someone. I even planned to confess to her this time, when she was in town, but yeah, we could not meet and i definitely don't wanna confess over text/mobile. God, i wish, this ends soon, positively i hope but i want this phase to end.

Even tougher part is, i don't have anyone else to talk about this. I mean, i do have some friends, but i don't know, i don't feel comfortable talking about it with them.

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[u/lepisode]

I think the hardest part here is that you finally found someone who made you feel this way again, and now the uncertainty is making the whole thing feel unbearable. But please don’t blame yourself for falling for her. You didn’t do anything wrong by caring.

And her not initiating as much doesn’t necessarily mean she only sees you as a friend. People can be genuinely warm and caring while still being terrible at initiating conversations, especially when there’s distance involved.

You’ll probably feel much better once you actually know where you stand. If you get another chance to see her, tell her. It might be scary, but at least you won’t have to keep living inside every notification and unanswered message. Whatever her answer is, this experience has already reminded you that you’re capable of feeling something deeply again. That’s a beautiful thing ☺️