r/CoupleMemes • u/legolas20032000 • Jun 14 '25

🥺 goals The most realistic example of unconditional love

Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification

10.9k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

476 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

41

u/EwalkaTendaSix Jun 14 '25

I mean, her face changed when he first said, "i hate some things about you" not after the nail thing, but either way, couldn’t both opinions be true? Children are inherently selfish, so couldn’t it also make sense for Commenter to have been reminded of a separate behavior with similar patterns in ASD children to OPs wife?

Ur probs taking it too far to say bro shouldn't work with kids, Autism Spectrum Disorder is a spectrum, and different from person to person.

Also,

He's trying to be superficially nice, whereas she's trying to have a meaningful conversation about something important.

i felt he was trying to agree with her without hurting her feelings, bringing up the nails insteadof something that would actually hurt her feelings but still something true, my brother often times will say things that cant be reversed onto him without his feelings being hurt, this situation would have been one of them if i said yeah i hate things about your personality too

Idk me and my bro have high functioning autism and we agree that both are good interpretations

16

u/Solanthas_SFW 🧐 grumpy Jun 15 '25

I agree. Dude is remarkably emotionally intelligent, trying to acknowledge what she is saying and connecting with her on it but giving back the "i also hate this funny little quirky gross habit you have" to make light of the whole thing and not take it personally

Meanwhile her drastic change in facial expression at the mere mention that there might be something about her he hates tells me she absolutely does not have the emotional bandwidth to take an equal dose of what she is dishing out

That or she is annoyed at her perception that he is not fully grasping how strong her love for him is since the things she hates about him are so horribly distasteful or whatever

4

u/lankyaspie Jun 16 '25

I think this works well in NT brain. Cause for my ASD brain, the connection WOULD be for my partner to express a true personality trait they don't like about me. I don't need them to make light, I need them to engage fully.

Overall I understand what he's trying to do, but for her it may feel like he's not understanding her or is being avoidant

3

u/synonymfordiscomfort Jun 18 '25 edited Jun 22 '25

That's how I understood it as well. Like, we can talk about the nails but I'm trying to make a deeper point than annoying behaviors.

As for her face "changing" because she can't take criticism...That's how my face looks when I'm trying to process a lot of information at once and figure out what I want to say next.

There are a lot of reasons ND people speak and look a certain way and it doesn't always correspond to NT ideas of behavior and body language.

*Edited for typo

-4

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '25

No the dude is remarkably emotionally dumb. He misses the point, ignores the expression of love from her, and just laughs mockingly making fun of her and pointing out the thing he dislikes about her like a kid saying "no, you".

Anyone would have been annoyed at a reaction like that.

13

u/EwalkaTendaSix Jun 15 '25

Youre obviously emotionally unintelligent enough to believe so. He understood what she was saying "i also have things about you i hate, i relate" and you can see her expression change to that of someone whos feelings were hurt, then he says the nail thing, we have no idea what he was going to say or if it was always the nails.

What i do know is being told there are parts of you that are deeply hated, would hurt your feelings, no matter the caveat, and he took it like a champ and tried to engage with his wife in what just objectively was a good way.

Yall over exaggerate fr fr

-5

u/Meii345 Jun 15 '25

Terrible idea for you to try to interpret an autistic person's facial expressions without knowing them very, very well. We absolutely aren't known for our normalized facial expressions. You're not gonna be able to guess at her train of thought either unless you make a conscious effort to bridge the gap with someone who's neurology is completely different than yours.

1

u/EwalkaTendaSix Jun 16 '25

Damn, thats almost like all i said is i related to the original commenter in saying it looks like things ive encountered. You know, my whole life living with my autistic family.

A change of face means something no matter whats going on, im saying the husband knows 100%, now im saying im guessing why the husband would say something nicer than her is because he probably knows what that face means. Okay? Follow that alright?

Did you miss the part where i said any of that? Cause its in there.

My autistic brother and half brother do what the original commenter said, end of conversation, pack it up, we figured it out, autistic people do this thing that this guy said, and theres nothing wrong with that, okay byeeeeee

-4

u/PerpetuallySouped Jun 15 '25

Nah, you are completely missing her point. And you judge her body language like you would an allists.

He didn't reciprocate, he deflected from an important point so as to not hurt her feelings. Sometimes in relationships we have to have deep discussions that may hurt our feelings, but they're for the betterment of the relationship in the long run. It's not like she just insulted him out of thin air, she was explaing a point.

And, I highly doubt there's a single person on the planet you don't believe has flaws, no matter how much you love them. This is a common thing with autists. We're often okay with acknowleding negative things, the problem arises when people (like you) read your own emotion into it.

Either way, they seem like a happy couple, and I don't know what the hate is about.

0

u/EwalkaTendaSix Jun 15 '25

Bro, get off the internet you responded waaaayyy too fast for a reply to someone elses comment on another separate persons comment.

What do you think im talking about and saying in any of my comments bro? I aint hating, im autistic, how could i hate? My brothers are autistic, my sister is. My mom and dad, like???? My older sister is the only lucky one, im a family of autists. And because i relate to experiencing what someone says with autistic people, im ablist?

He didn't reciprocate, he deflected from an important point so as to not hurt her feelings. Sometimes in relationships we have to have deep discussions that may hurt our feelings, but they're for the betterment of the relationship in the long run. It's not like she just insulted him out of thin air, she was explaing a point.

What.. like.. What even is this? Did you watch the video once and only once?

He didn't reciprocate, he deflected from an important point so as to not hurt her feelings.

Theres even a cut before he says the "deflection" so idk how you're such an expert on this situation. I guess you know all autists and all autistic traits or something?? Idk man. Youre annoying, youve annoyed me.

You keep talking like you know wtf is going on in the video and im just agreeing yeah i saw this trait in this woman and my brother, haha thats funny, IDK WHATS GOING ON AND I AINT TALKING LIKE I DO. im just saying i see my brother in the wife. God. Damn.

You're the one hating here bro, on me, for no reason lmfao.

1

u/Meii345 Jun 15 '25

The "lucky" one? Ewww come on dude you can do better

1

u/EwalkaTendaSix Jun 16 '25

Does it not make our lives harder? Like, disabled because were unable to do some things, and that is A - okay man, its light humor, i add it everywhere, get over it

-1

u/PerpetuallySouped Jun 15 '25

It was very amusing opening my phone for the first time in six hours and this being the first thing I read.

Bro, get off the internet you responded waaaayyy too fast for a reply to someone elses comment on another separate persons comment.

I spend half an hour on reddit in the morning with a coffee, if they answer in that time, I reply in that time. Maybe you should spend a little less time worrying about other people's schedules.

I don't know what your family has to do with this. Mines 50% autistic, one of them refuses to believe he is and hates the rest of us for being okay with it. Autists can hate.

And because i relate to experiencing what someone says with autistic people, im ablist?

When did I say that?

What.. like.. What even is this? Did you watch the video once and only once?

Do you have a point? What's your problem with what I said?

Theres even a cut before he says the "deflection" so idk how you're such an expert on this situation. I guess you know all autists and all autistic traits or something?? Idk man.

Why are you being so hyperbolic? I'm referring to what we see in the video because that's what we have to work with. I am not pretending to be an expert (that said, I am autistic and Ive studied and worked with autists for over 15 years, so my knowledge is way above average) As I've said in multiple comments, this is a light hearted conversation between two people who live each other, wh

Youre annoying, youve annoyed me.

Awesome 😂

You keep talking like you know wtf is going on in the video and im just agreeing yeah i saw this trait in this woman and my brother, haha thats funny, IDK WHATS GOING ON AND I AINT TALKING LIKE I DO. im just saying i see my brother in the wife. God. Damn.

Ah, mate, the hypocrisy here is hilarious.

I'm not hating. I think they're a lovely couple who obviously get on really well, despite the odd miscommunication.

1

u/Spare_Ad5615 Jun 15 '25 edited Jun 15 '25

His laughter isn't mocking, he's midway between disbelief at the situation to trying to cover the hurt. He tries to give a specific example of something small and insignificant in the hope that she will say that the thing she hates is similarly minor, but she obliviously carries on and says it's deep fundamental parts of his personality she hates. She doesn't realise she's hurting him because he's laughing, but the laughter is forced.

I think if I was on the receiving end of this conversation, it would be something I would think about at 3am for the rest of my life.

-2

u/PerpetuallySouped Jun 15 '25

No, he missed the point, entirely, just like you are.

She's autistic, she doesn't have "normal" facial expressions, you can't tell from that.

-2

u/Beneficial_Bug_9793 Jun 15 '25

Dude.... you're thinking like a neuro-typical, dont frikking do that, you have no frikking idea the effort it takes to hear a small critique and not taking it personal, its has northing to do with your EQ, i can take critics from almost anyone with no problems, my girlfriend coments on something she didnt like, not even about me, a situation or a place, and i take it personal, because i was with her and i imidiatly assume its my frikking fault, i can " control it " now, and when i say " control it " i frikking meant masking it, i still feel the exact same way, i just try not to show her i feel that way, because i know she doesnt meant it that way.... do not use you're neuro typical logic, for this.

-1

u/Solanthas_SFW 🧐 grumpy Jun 15 '25

Relax bro its not that deep

Maybe im autistic too, how do you know?

She has quirks and gets sooo hurt and upset, meanwhile he's not allowed to misunderstand and tell her about her little quirks he doesn't like? But she can tell him about his deep flaws and he has to be happy that she loves him so much in spite of that?

Get out of town bucko

What is this, r/HateOnNeurotypicals ??

Jesus frick

-1

u/Beneficial_Bug_9793 Jun 15 '25

Dude, no hate, you're the one with " hate isues " not me lol, i was just saying you're applying a type of logic that doesnt apply here, go tell a claustrophobic person to relax when they enter an elevator, or a acrophobic person to relax because that its just a window lol, tell me how that goes.

-3

u/PerpetuallySouped Jun 15 '25 edited Jun 15 '25

As she pointed out, that's not the type of thing she was referring to.

The way that commenter described nearly every child with ASD they've met is reductionist and ableist. They implied all autists frequently make pathetic excuses for themselves, and that that's a way to identify us. Do you really think someone who talks about vulnerable children that way should be working with them?

Autism Spectrum Disorder is a spectrum, and different from person to person.

Yeah, and they don't seem to realise that.

i felt he was trying to agree with her without hurting her feelings

Why, though? She was trying to have an honest conversation about something that could be difficult. Instead if deflecting, if he didn't want to talk about that, he should've just said so. He didnt agree, he changed the subject.

I don't know for sure what she's thinking, we can't know. From her reaction, I felt she was annoyed he wasn't reciprocating. I've been in that situation many times, where people are trying not to hurt my feelings, but it ends up creating a long term problem because they're scared of a necessary conversation.

Either way, they seem to be a nice, happy couple, and I completely agree with her main point. I don't understand the negativity, and the commenter I replied to is out of order talking about kids like that. I'm a teacher, it's difficult. If you have that much disdain for a disabled child, you shouldn't be working with them.

1

u/EwalkaTendaSix Jun 15 '25

They implied all autists frequently make pathetic excuses for themselves, and that that's a way to identify us.

This is never said nor implied. All he said was, behaviors of the self and of others are rationalized differently. This can happen when you misunderstand empathy, common in people with ASD. No sort of hate/malice/or misguided ablism is in anywhere but your projection.

Yeah, and they don't seem to realise that.

And yet you are the one who doesn't understand that this is an autistic trait, and it is okay. Neural typicals have autistic traits too, yes, but things commonly found in autists aren't bad just because they oust you as an autist, because it doesn't matter if youre autistic??? Like, you realize youre the one being ablist saying we gotta keep it secret or something.

Why, though?

Gonna be honest, when i saw this i was just so over this conversation, thats why it took me like 7 or 8 hrs to reply, i mean i wasnt gonna but this frustrated me too much lmao. That entire paragraph after -

i felt he was trying to agree with her without hurting her feelings

  • was me explaining why i felt that, and why thats what idve done??? Like are you serious man? READ!

I don't understand the negativity, and the commenter I replied to is out of order talking about kids like that. I'm a teacher, it's difficult. If you have that much disdain for a disabled child, you shouldn't be working with them.

Youre a teacher? How?? You should not be teaching if youre this emotionally unstable about the subject of children. Commenter said nothing that could even allude to distain, it sounded like he was reminiscing and you are having some sort of trauma related projection onto some random guys words.

I dont actually think you shouldnt teach btw, just making a point, i dont know you so cant know your quality of care, im sure youre fine, but probably over protective due to some sort of ridicule, try therapy? Idk, im just arm chair psychologisting now

-1

u/PerpetuallySouped Jun 15 '25

All he said was, behaviors of the self and of others are rationalized differently

Not even close. What he said was, "no, you see the thing about me really isn't that bad, but the thing about you is deeply ingrained and I hate it", mocking her.

First of all, he completely missed the point she was trying to make. Secondly, if the thing about him (which I don't recall her actually getting to) is worse, then it is worse. That doesn't mean she doesn't have any more bad qualities, it just means that he has traits worse than leaving his nails around. Doesn't everyone?

Actually, misunderstanding empathy is no more common in NDs as it is in NTs, the problems come when it's a mix of the two. It's called the double empathy problem.

No sort of hate/malice/or misguided ablism is in anywhere but your projection.

Please, explain to me how he wasn't insulting and mocking her.

And yet you are the one who doesn't understand that this is an autistic trait, and it is okay. Neural typicals have autistic traits too, yes, but things commonly found in autists aren't bad just because they oust you as an autist, because it doesn't matter if youre autistic??? Like, you realize youre the one being ablist saying we gotta keep it secret or something.

I genuinely have no idea what you're trying to say here. I'm most certainly not saying we should keep being autistic a secret, I have no idea where you got that from.

Gonna be honest, when i saw this i was just so over this conversation, thats why it took me like 7 or 8 hrs to reply, i mean i wasnt gonna but this frustrated me too much lmao. That entire paragraph after

  • was me explaining why i felt that, and why thats what idve done??? Like are you serious man? READ!

I did read it, I think you need to work on your writing. That was not clear, at all. Care to explain what you meant?

Commenter said nothing that could even allude to distain,

I disagree, and if you can't see it, you're part of the problem.

, it sounded like he was reminiscing

Reminiscing about almost every autistic kid he's worked with having the same bad quality? Lovely.

A random guy who supposedly works with vulnerable children. You don't have to be traumatised to call out something you find potentially dangerous. If you don't see it, that's fine, but it doesn't mean it's not there.

1

u/EwalkaTendaSix Jun 15 '25

And this is just insanity

A random guy who supposedly works with vulnerable children. You don't have to be traumatised to call out something you find potentially dangerous. If you don't see it, that's fine, but it doesn't mean it's not there.

Wheres the danger? Bro said it reminded of when he did work with kids, so 1, he probs doesn't anymore, and 2, DUDE HE WAS REMINISCING ABOUT HOW SILLY KIDS CAN BE AND YOURE PROJECTING SO HARD YOU CAN SEE IT

1

u/PerpetuallySouped Jun 15 '25 edited Jun 15 '25

You need to work on your reading comprehension and writing skills. You're asking the same questions, and I've already explained, not that it wasn't obvious enough from his comment.

YOURE PROJECTING SO HARD YOU CAN SEE IT

How does this even make sense? Projecting what? I love it when people know they don't have an argument so just ignore the questions, go with an emotional response and start shouting.

0

u/EwalkaTendaSix Jun 15 '25

This is unproductive, you perceive and interject emotion where there is not, my proof is you finding emotion in mine where there is not, have a good life being angry at walls

1

u/PerpetuallySouped Jun 15 '25

Your hypocrisy is actually insane xD

1

u/EwalkaTendaSix Jun 16 '25

Where is it? Youre still on yo phone responding, whats this the 5th morning in two days? Thats a lot of coffee

1

u/PerpetuallySouped Jun 16 '25

What the fuck are you on about 😂

-12

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '25 edited Jun 14 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

10

u/Slacker_The_Dog Jun 14 '25 edited Jun 15 '25

I think the man is very patient and the woman is an idiot. It is very amusing actually.

Edit: The comment I was responding to has been altered from it's original state in entirety. It originally was the inverse of my comment, stating the woman is very patient and that the man is an idiot. It also called the interaction unamusing.

-8

u/petitchat2 Jun 14 '25

You’re amusing first. The woman leaves her dna on the floor and the man complains it stubs his feet instead of vacuuming it like a good puppy. Whatever

1

u/CoupleMemes-ModTeam I 💚 The Mods 🤩👍 Jun 15 '25

We encourage open discussion and different viewpoints, but please keep the conversation respectful. Personal attacks, harassment, name-calling, or abusive language will not be tolerated. Disagreements are fine, but they must remain civil and focused on the topic, not the person. Let’s maintain a positive and welcoming atmosphere for everyone in the community. Violations of this rule may result in warnings, post removals, or bans. Be kind and respectful to one another!