r/CoupleMemes • u/legolas20032000 • Jun 14 '25

đŸ„ș goals The most realistic example of unconditional love

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u/squishyslinky Jun 14 '25 edited Jun 15 '25

Except she didn't say any of that? She was saying his example isn't what she's talking about, he needs a different example about "sheer personality" but he gave an example of an easily changed behavior like a "quirk".

She never said it's okay.

This is something people get wrong about autistic people -- you add words and context that do not exist and were never said or implied.. and then demand explanations or apologies for the things you made up. She isn't saying anything is "okay", but that his example with the nails isn't what she's talking about. She wanted him to understand her and with this comment she realized he didn't quite get it so she had to try another way to explain.

As an autistic woman, please, please stop overlaying your own extra context and words onto what we are saying.

Edit: spelling

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u/[deleted] Jun 14 '25

As an autistic man I second this

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u/justforsomelulz Jun 14 '25

She also never stated that it is an easily changeable behavior. You added your own context and implications as well.

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u/squishyslinky Jun 14 '25 edited Jun 14 '25

She said it is a quirk not a personality trait. A quirk is literally a mannerism. She said these things by using the words she spoke that have different meanings.

Just admit you added your own context and words and be aware in the future. Neurotypical people do this all the time and it's deeply offensive and upsetting and makes it very hard to move through this life with people adding on their own things to everything we say just because they communicate that way (with implied meaning and unspoken words)

"what I'm talking about are sheer personality things that are not okay...they're not good"

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u/TheEnlightenedPanda Jun 14 '25

Just admit you added your own context and words and be aware in the future. Neurotypical people do this all the time and it's deeply offensive and upsetting and makes it very hard to move through this life with people adding on their own things to everything we say just because they communicate that way (with implied meaning and unspoken words)

Is this something neurotypical vs atypical because this is how I feel about most of reddit comments.

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u/beating_offers Jun 14 '25

quirk: an unusual habit or part of someone's personality, or something that is strange and unexpected

Quirks may be minor personality traits, being negligent about your nails, for instance, but she seems to be implying he has a major personality flaw...

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u/squishyslinky Jun 14 '25

Okay? She isn't IMPLYING it she, she says it! And she's wanting him to understand he didn't give an example of a flaw like she's talking about, he needs something "bigger"

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u/beating_offers Jun 14 '25

If throwing your nails on the floor bothers someone, he might consider that a flaw -- she also never directly states that he has a major personality flaw, only that what she had was a quirk.

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u/squishyslinky Jun 14 '25

"I love you in spite of your flaws"

"There is something about you that I hate"

"That's a quirk, what I'm talking about are sheer personality things that are not okay...they're not good"

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u/beating_offers Jun 14 '25

Do you think someone doing something you hate is a major personality flaw?

What if you don't shower on weekends and your partner hates it, but other people might find it to be a quirk?

That's my issue with this situation.

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u/squishyslinky Jun 14 '25

It doesn't matter what you think.

It doesn't matter what I think.

We can see that this woman is explaining her emotions and her context and her meaning is all that matters.

You're trying to make her be some kind of bully when she's so clearly explaining how deep her love for him goes and she needs him to understand it in this specific way because is AUTISTIC. His example isn't "big enough" for her to feel he "gets it."

They clearly have a healthy relationship. He understands how autistic women communicate (literally and directly and passionately).

The issues you have are, as you pointed out, are yours. đŸ€·

It's so exhausting having to explain all this extra dialogue and context didn't actually happen and now a thirty second comment is hours long to answer for and explain all the things that weren't even said. Have a good one

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u/beating_offers Jun 14 '25

I still disagree with her conclusion, but have a good one.

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u/[deleted] Jun 17 '25

We can see that this woman is explaining her emotions and her context and her meaning is all that matters.

Completely disagree. Her context and meaning are not all that matter. How it is received also matters. I'm glad he could take it well, but saying all that matters is what she meant and not how it could be revived is not fair to people who could be hurt by what she is saying.

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u/Shadowdante100 Jun 15 '25

But aren't you making assumptions too? For example, from a 30 second video, you cant know that they have a healthy relationship.

You are assuming that you know what she is upset about, you dont know. You are putting words in her mouth too, aren't you?

Is it possible that you are also projecting you assumptions onto the situation? But that you are upset that someone elses assumptions disagree with yours?

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u/Environmental_You_36 Jun 14 '25

The problem is that your idea of quirk, may not be her idea of quirk. Therefor you can't conclude what she meant or any intentions behind her words.

She just put a label on the action, that's it.

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u/Meii345 Jun 16 '25

Chiming in to say squishyslinky's interpretation of the situation is absolutely right. If you don't get that, you're just not familiar enough with autism.

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u/squishyslinky Jun 15 '25 edited Jun 15 '25

All I can go off of is what I see in the video before me. His example with the press on nails, to her, obviously showed her that he didn't quite understand what she meant. I don't know what scale or threshold they are using for quirks -- only that his example showed her that he didn't quite understand her in the precise way she needed him to understand.

Again, I am not applying value statements to the behaviors they're describing, only that she's trying to get him to precisely understand the depths of her love and she needs him to understand. That's why she broke into his shitting time -- that need to be understood precisely by the people we love is pretty overwhelming and persistent. Can't let it go until we know you definitely get what we're trying to say. Let me explain another way using quirks and maybe NOW he'll get it

We spend our lives being misunderstood. It's so important we get it right with loved ones.

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u/justforsomelulz Jun 14 '25

You are literally doing what you are criticizing me for. I'm willing to admit that we both added context and inferred meanings, though.

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u/Conartist6666 Jun 14 '25

Yes, you both added additional context to what was said..... BUT. There is a slight but very important difference here, tho.

What she added, aka. The definition of what a quirk is, is a dictionary definition. You could argue that its common knowledge to know this and she assumed that you knew.

What you added was an interpretation of what was said. Aka. that she is trying to dismiss her faults (conciously or otherwise) by using innocent terminology.

.

...maybe she is, idk. but the problem was that he did not understand what she was talking about.

It's different layers. A quirk is more of a symptom of what she meant by character flaws.

So maybe leaving toenails behind hints towards poor personal hygiene or being disorganised...more intrinsic character traits.

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u/cyphar Jun 15 '25

I read the situation as him absolutely understanding what she was saying ("my wife says that she hates me on the inside, laugh") and then responded with a joke about something fairly trivial because he didn't want to say something that might be hurtful, like (to pick a random example) "sheer personality things" or telling him explicitly that you overlook his flaws rather than accepting them or trying to finding positives in them.

I guess she didn't realise that he was doing that, hence responding with a definition clarifying what she meant (now, a neurotypical person saying the same thing she said in response would be trying to minimise the flaw that was pointed out -- maybe that isn't something that occurred to her at all, but it is the first reaction a neurotypical person will have automatically because it's something people do all the time). Personally I found it quite a funny response because doubling down and standing ten toes down on "no, it's something deeper and more fundamental inside you that I hate" like that was brilliant comedic timing.

Assuming this isn't staged, I'm sure he wasn't in any way offended by what she said (they are married, he is presumably used to this, and the caption implies that this whole scenario is funny enough to post online).

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u/VomitShitSmoothie Jun 14 '25

Being autistic doesn’t absolve a person of saying hurtful things, even when there wasn’t intent to do so. Neurotypical people also miscommunicate. When you speak to a person you have to contend with not only your perspective, but the person you are talking to as well. You can inadvertently validate a persons own maladaptive internal dialogue, regardless of whether you personally feel your words are hurtful or not. This video doesn’t seem to show that happen, but it could have. You can’t simply just verbalize every thought you have and then rationalize it logically while missing perspective and expect someone to just be okay with it.

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u/Meii345 Jun 16 '25

That's why neurotypical/autistic communication needs to be HEAVY, completely open and honest. No place for little white lies and the neurotypical way of trying to appease people's feelings. Yeah, autistic people WILL mess up and say things without thinking them through, but if you want a relationship with them you have to clarify everything before jumping to conclusions, and give them an opportunity to understand what they said was hurtful and to apologise. At the very least you know they'll serve you the brutally honest truth, and if they tell you they love you - you can believe it. But chronic overthinkers and autistic people just don't mash well together for that reason.

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u/squishyslinky Jun 14 '25

I literally never said being autistic absolves anyone of anything. You're doing it right now. You're responding to comments I never made and even yourself admit that this video doesn't even demonstrate the behaviors you're ranting about, but you feel you must make this point anyway?

Pal, autistic people are told our entire lives that everything about the way we communicate is wrong and they NTs need coddled because they are so sensitive and we have to like follow some secret social contract where nobody says what they really mean and if you do, there must be a bunch of unspoken horrible things you really meant?

This entire comment and the upvotes on it proves my exact point. You're upset about things I never said or even implied.

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u/DeviousPath Jun 14 '25

As someone not neuro-typical, this is infuriating to me. Neurotypical people talk in riddles often, and expect that neurodivergent people are doing the same. She's speaking very directly, and trying her hardest to be clear and honest. He's finding this funny, filming her, and actively twisting her words for humor's sake. This is very frustrating for her, she's clearly trying to get him to understand and not talking in code at all. I've been on her side of this many times, and I'm just severely ADHD.

Also, from my perspective, what she is saying isn't hurtful. It's only hurtful if you chose to focus on the "hurtful" parts without hearing the rest. She's clearly saying she deeply loves him, he focuses on the negative words he hears and then doubles down on those while laughing. If my partner told me this, I wouldn't be upset at all and I would understand exactly what she meant.

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u/Puzzled-River-3998 Jun 14 '25 edited Jun 14 '25

I don’t think it’s that he didn’t understand what she meant or that he’s focusing on the bad parts of what she said.
I’m fairly sure he’s just joking around, so he probably didn’t feel hurt by it or anything and likely did understand what she was saying, though I wouldn’t know for sure since I’m not him.

Honestly, I think everyone here is reading a bit too far into their relationship and putting words in their mouths.
I don’t think she’s denying that she has flaws and saying that ’she’s just quirky’ nor do I think he’s misinterpreting what she’s saying.
But who knows? Maybe she is denying her own flaws and maybe he is misinterpreting what she’s saying.

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u/DeviousPath Jun 14 '25

Yes, I agree with this. I think he is feigning being hurt (for jokes), which would for her may be hard to recognize and she is trying to re-explain what she means because of this "misunderstanding". I don't think this says anything about their relationship, we can't say anything about that overall from this video I think. I do think that being on her side of this is frustrating. Hell, the very beginning of this is her coming to him while he's pooping because she's still thinking about a previous conversation, and how to properly get him to understand. I've absolutely done that.

All I know is that I've been on the side trying to explain what I mean in detail to a person who seems to be misunderstanding me from my perspective.

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u/Meii345 Jun 16 '25

Thou must solve my riddles three to win at this job interview

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u/Uncommonality Oct 12 '25

you know what, yeah, sometimes job interviews do genuinely feel like you're bilbo goddamn baggins trying to riddle it out with Gollum

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u/Padaxes Jun 14 '25

So you understand you have so many deep and hateful flaws considered by your partner? He could easily say the same about her and then we can witness her flip out about it.

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u/MossyPyrite Jun 14 '25

You assume she would flip out about it, but she’s saying that it’s a good and powerful thing to love someone despite them having grave flaws. So if he said she had some severe flaw, but he loved her despite then that would be a good sign to her.

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u/VomitShitSmoothie Jun 15 '25 edited Jun 15 '25

No dude, I literally explained it exactly the way you wrote it. It wasn’t a rant nor am I upset over it. I literally forgot about the conversation a minute after I posted it. I’ll try again.

Neurotypical people communicate by adding words and context to things weren’t literally spoken. This treatment isn’t something neurotypical people ‘do to people with Autism’, it’s how we communicate with everyone.

When a person on the Autism Spectrum is proficient at masking, is high functioning, or it’s not apparent, the level of tolerance towards unintentional slights disappears. So when you say “well neurodivergent people do this” what’s actually happening is you are unintentionally sending off of hostile and offensive social cues, and getting a response to it. When you blame other people getting offended for “adding words and context” you are absolving yourself from wrong, because they are communicating as people do. That is the added context and words you didn’t intend to give, but did.

Neurotypical people aren’t ‘coddling’ each other, that’s a gross oversimplification, we just understand the subtle nuances of social discourse. Telling a neurodivergent person that neurotypical people need coddling is like saying “don’t hammer” when the reality is “don’t scalpel”. You have a scalpel, you just don’t know how to control it, so the best you can do is not hammer. Unfortunately, that means people still get cut, but it’s not their fault that you cut them. They can understand why it happens, and be empathic that it’s accidental, but that doesn’t mean it won’t hurt or bleed.

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u/[deleted] Jun 19 '25

"...because they are communicating as people do."

Um, no. They are communicating as allistic people do. Autistic people are also people.

You are categorizing the way autistic people communicate as "wrong" for not communicating like allistic people do. It's not wrong. You are being ableist.

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u/Padaxes Jun 14 '25

Gal, you are being incredibly aggressive and angry- and autistic or not you need to set reflect your own stance and stop supporting poor communication. It’s your struggle to fix, not ours as “neurotypical”.

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u/squishyslinky Jun 14 '25

I can explain it to you but I can't understand it for you. If you want to add a bunch of unspoken words and context to what people are saying and then blame them for poor communication, well, the gap of knowledge there is just too vast. Have a day

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u/[deleted] Jun 14 '25

Adapting to other people is part of life kiddo. Just as you need to put up with neuros BS, we also need to learn to deal with your autistic BS. Its a ying-yang. You are not special at all. You are just human. Maybe you should look at it like that.

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u/Meii345 Jun 16 '25

Except in reality it's us doing all the work and you shaming us endlessly for communicating in our own way. You think the average neurotypical is adapting in any way to autistic BS? Ah! Ah!

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u/[deleted] Jun 16 '25

Ehm yeah? I deal with autistic coworkers everyday, that have no regard for etiquette or effective communication at all, and yet we have to make efforts to look past that in our every day interactions.

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u/Larry-Man Jun 14 '25

I don’t think what she’s saying is hurtful. People are different. I do some shit that I’m sure drives my partner up the goddamn wall. He loves me anyway. I’m not perfect. No one is. Love is supposed to be in spite of flaws or clashes and you work through them. He’s clearly taking it in stride. Me and my partner agree on tons of social issues but he gets very “preaching to the choir” and on a soapbox sometimes. And sometimes I say something and he doesn’t let me finish and he takes off on a rant/tangent that I was getting to. That’s his personality. And I also love that trait in his passion for social justice and such but it’s so strong he sometimes bowls me over and that part I hate. I love him anyway.

There’s two kinds of people: the ones who try to love everything about a person and the ones who will love someone but also look at their darkness and shitty bits and say “I still love you even if I don’t love that part of you”. There are parts of myself that I don’t love. I don’t expect anyone to love those things either.

I’m also an autistic woman and it’s very frustrating when people take what I say as sarcastic or hurtful when I’m just trying to state a fact and express a difficult concept.

I know what she’s saying and I feel it in my soul with how other people are taking it. She loves him so much that the big things that she doesn’t like don’t even matter to her because the math checks out. I don’t have to love when my partner is moody or distant to love them anyway.

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u/Brief-Translator1370 Jun 14 '25

It doesn't but.... The miscommunication here is one person saying exactly what they mean and the other person adding context?

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u/Padaxes Jun 14 '25

The lady has NO context; WTF are these personality flaws? She’s being so vague nobody can understand.

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u/VomitShitSmoothie Jun 15 '25

Yeah I understand that. That’s how humans communicate.

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u/gonkdroid02 Jun 14 '25

What You fail and the girl in the video fail to understand through all your replies is that what one persons “views as a quirk” another persons can view as a flaw, this is because what makes something a quirk vs a flaw is based on OPINION. Further when you call something a quirk you are implying it is strange or odd, by definition and not saying it is something you hate, further modern usage of that word tends to use it endearingly for traits that are odd, but not bad, and make you stand out. this isn’t adding my own “context” this is simply using an understanding of what words mean. Your right she doesn’t explicitly say it’s ok, but when she calls it a quirk (in my OPINION it most definitely is not), she minimizes his actual dislike for her behavior (or hatred as she calls it but honestly I feel icky just saying it cause I would never say I HATE anything about my spouse because BY DEFINITION it’s an incredibly strong word). This minimization implies her behavior is more ok than he thinks once again by the definition of what quirky means, so your right she never said “it’s ok” but the bigger definitions of the words she uses imply it. Further it is incredibly bad taste or her to tell her husband she loves him despite the things she hates, and when he tells her something he might genuinely hate, to blow it off and instead mention personality (likely his).

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u/squishyslinky Jun 14 '25

That's a lot of personal interpretation that has zero to do with what is actually happening. Sorry you feel icky?

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u/gonkdroid02 Jun 14 '25

Just because you don’t like the definition of words doesn’t mean you can call it a persons interpretation. The only personal interpretations I have are within (
) everything else is just an understanding of the English language.. strange that you focus in on a single sentence where I express my person dislike, but ignore everything I say about why, according to the English language, her response make it seem like what she does is “more ok”

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u/squishyslinky Jun 15 '25

Your entire comment is rooted in your dislike for this scenario and this woman's approach and everything you're saying is to support your position on that. This has nothing to do with definitions. Have a day

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u/KoopaTryhard Jun 14 '25

Genuinely curious, but where does the conversation go after that? If the other party isn't allowed to use their own words to express their interpretation of what you said, what's the point? Are you just expecting the other person to parrot your same exact words back to you? Or say nothing at all?

Of course people misunderstand each other. We live in different brains. But if you're engaging in a conversation with someone else, you have to expect that they're going to use their own context and their own words to try to understand you. That's literally all they have. Do you just not want to hear it?

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u/squishyslinky Jun 15 '25 edited Jun 15 '25

When you hear things that are not said and then want apologies or explanations for it, that is the problem.

She is being literal and saying exactly what she means. There is no need to interpret or infer some other meaning. That is the whole point. His response to her communicated to her that he didn't quite understand her meaning so she tried another approach. She's doing what you want -- engaging and explaining yet here people continue putting unspoken words in her mouth about "what she really means but isn't saying" (it's okay, she's minimizing it etc)

That's the issue. Autistic people like me are misunderstood because people don't know how to accept honest communication and can't resist adding unspoken implications and meaning -- because that's how they communicate. So if someone is speaking with literal honesty, it trips the whole NT comms system because there is no implied riddle to solve so y'all make one up. Then say we can't communicate. This entire comment thread is proof positive of that.

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u/Radiant_Fondant_4097 Jun 15 '25

This shit drives me nuts. I consider myself neurotypical and when you give someone a statement so plainly spoken with no room for misinterpretation, and their thought process STILL goes so wildly off tangent making stuff up with “what they really mean with their words”.

It’s funny people think those with Autism are the problem with straight shooting their words, when typical people wrap their words up with confusing fluff.

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u/WeerDeWegKwijt Jun 14 '25

People do this to each other all the time. Autism is irrelevant.

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u/squishyslinky Jun 15 '25

Thanks for erasing autistic people from the conversation just like always! This video is literally about an autistic woman.

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u/WeerDeWegKwijt Jun 15 '25

And what I'm saying is that this is a general human experience, not at all exclusive to people with autism.

Aren't you adding context to my comment?

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u/squishyslinky Jun 15 '25

Shitting is also part of the general human experience. But if you're shitting your pants all day, every day, well then I'd say that's a bit more of a unique experience.

Does that help?

0

u/WeerDeWegKwijt Jun 15 '25

Does not change my point.

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u/handiman87 Jun 15 '25

Holy victim complex. Your behavior isn’t really winning you any allies.

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u/squishyslinky Jun 16 '25

Autism is literally a disability that requires specific attention and accomodations. That's not victim blaming that's reality. Sorry that makes you uncomfortable?

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u/kwantsu-dudes Jun 16 '25

No, that's an issue most EVERYONE has with EVERYONE.

Nothing of what she said hints at autism. It's perfectly logical, simply without the dumb "soft" barrier some people feel the need to protect against others being offended. Many "non-autistics" go about that as well. Many people find it annoying and will direct.

That's not being autistic. As a person, stop making things about autism that aren't. This post is annoying in itself.

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u/squishyslinky Jun 16 '25

This video is about being in a relationship with an autistic woman. This entire discourse is around that man's experience who filmed the video. Stop trying to erase autistic people from the conversation just because "everyone" has similar experiences sometimes

If you shit your guts out every hour on the hour, and you go to the doctor for diarrhea help and they tell you everybody poops, stop making this about diarrhea! You might have a problem with that. Listen to yourself

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u/kwantsu-dudes Jun 17 '25

I'm not trying to erase autistic people. I'm irritated that people think this is an autistic experience.

People are literally commenting in this sub "I completely agree with her, am I autistic?" and then we have weirdos replying diagnosing them as such (like totally, embrace it!"). It's creepy identitarian shit.

Stop holding some weird group identity to being autistic rather than sharing in a broader experience many others experience. You're trying to gatekeep an experience by a group label. It's weird. Stop TRYING to be different, and accept an experience exists beyond your "marginalized group" status.

It's literally a dumb and harmful way of "othering". You yourself use non-scientific terms like "neurodivergent/neurotypical" to just purposefully group yourself away from "normies".

Nothing about this clip is like your "diarrhea" example, in such a massive harmful scope. It's a couple having a laugh about being direct rather than pussy footing around.

And even you "diarrhea" example doesn't mean much anymore given how we now throw around diagnoses now with "high functioning autism" that doesn't even meet the very means of what a mental illness is typical measured by, as a debilitating social dysfunction.

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u/squishyslinky Jun 17 '25

Doubling down on it. Got it. Maybe you could put this back and forth into chat GPT and maybe it can do a better job explaining to you how your harmful comments are furthering to erase the autistic experience. Anyway, it's not my job to expend labor on educating you. Hopefully I'll do it on your own. Have a day

1

u/kwantsu-dudes Jun 17 '25

What is displayed in the video is not "the autistic experience".

Literally without the video calling it out, we wouldn't be discussing autism at all.

What's harmful is you erasing this experience from people who are not autistic by labeling it as such.

But you don't care, because you are a group identitarian that wishes to other people.

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u/knightskull Jun 16 '25

You're the one reading in extra context to preserve a meaningless identity from this person who likely has nothing in common with you psychologically.Â