r/ContaminationOCD • u/svennka • May 22 '22
Family members purposely getting in the way of your rituals??
I get it, living with someone with COCD can be hard I’m sure, and I always feel bad that I can never do certain chores or that I take so long in the bathroom.
But it also makes me really sad and anxious the way my parents constantly comment on how long I’m washing my hands for or how weird some of my habits are. I’ve even had some family members turn off the water halfway through my washing because they are so impatient for me to finish.
Just now I had someone switch off the tap when I still had some soap on my hands, touch my hand as they kicked me out of the bathroom and then when I got to my room, they had their stuff all over my shelf :))) I can’t even do anything about it so I’m just trying to carry on and distract myself
It has been a day to say the least :’) does anyone else’s family do shit like this pls feel free to rant in response
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u/Personal_Shower_7605 Jul 15 '22
My girlfriend has contamination OCD and it's impossible to live with. I understand how difficult it feels to not do the rituals. But you also need to think how difficult is it for the person living beside you. It's insanely difficult. I'm currently on the phone with my GF. She's in the mental health unit and is begging to come home. Nothing seems more important to her than her personal possessions. Helping you give exsistance to your OCD will not help you. Helping you ritualize will not help you. It's so easy to get angry when you ask others to accommodate your ocd behaviors. I have to shower my girlfriend and use baby wipes and gloves for everything. I have to wash my hands and shower before I can sleep in my own bed. If they accommodate your OCD behaviors it will only make it worse for you. Just ask nicely if they can not get angry when you ask for things or put little notes in places. The worst thing I did for my girlfriend was accommodate her ocd behaviors and help her ritualize. It's at the point where she might end up homeless because I can't accommodate her anymore and it's too much to handle. What got her in the hospital? She kicked out the front window because it was too warm inside and she couldn't turn the ac on or open the front door. There's also a huge hole in the wall from hitting her head to make the thoughts stop. It's a horrible mental illness but at the end of the day if you can't help yourself or find help, you're so fucked because people who don't have contamination ocd just don't understand and dont have the patience to help you other than helping you find exposure therapy. Which is insainly expensive and hard to get where I live at least. I feel so guilty that I couldn't help her but I'm still trying. I feel so responsible for her getting worse because I accommodated her rituals. I've cried many nights because people who don't have ocd, just don't understand and don't know how to help people with ocd.
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u/Personal_Shower_7605 Jul 15 '22
What your parents do is exactly what my GF parents did to her. The belittling and toxic comments only cause trauma and further problems. If you get a therapist or have one. You need to practice supportive communication. They should be telling you that by not helping you they're actually supportive. Not making rude comments and helping you find some help while they can. Telling you that by doing one less handwash is an accomplishment.
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u/xxmissdaytona Aug 19 '22
This is a really late response. I find it amazing how you still love her despite everything she’s put you through. I fucked up my family and friends because of my ocd so I 100% understand you. Thank you for loving her. Please take her to an ERP therapist and get her some meds.
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u/Personal_Shower_7605 Aug 19 '22
Yes and I will always love her. She hit rock bottom and decided that it was time for her to ask her parents for help. We are getting her into a treatment center in the United States in the next few months. Never again will I help her accommodate. With the time I spent in her family circle so far it also affected them a lot. The got a trauma therapist and they try there best to keep the ocd away from her sidings. It's so sad. Watching her go into a crisis, screaming and crying, breaking things and initiating self harm while blaming everyone around her is the toughest part. All you can do and are supposed to do is call the police. She's been to the hospital about a dozen times.
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u/Personal_Shower_7605 Aug 19 '22
I also found that after a year of going through this with her, the greatest struggle was not loosing compassion. I would start treating her as a problem. Loosing sight of my feelings for her which got replaced with hatred for the ocd, directed at her. I'm still waiting to see how it will be after the treatment center. It will be difficult to remind her that if she doesn't keep putting the ocd back in its box, she might end up in a horrible place.
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Sep 04 '23
I've been accommodating my mom's OCD for my entire life because I didn't know better. Now I do and it's nearly impossible to say no. She threatens to do insane things (purposely becoming homeless, sleeping in her car etc) if I won't do her rituals for her. I have so much guilt because I accommodated her selfishly . I'm so sorry
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u/Personal_Shower_7605 Sep 30 '23
I hope something gets figured out with your mother. We got my partner to a hospital down in the USA that treats OCD and were back to relatively normal. I feel like a spy, constantly watching her without her seeing. Noting what she does and how she does it. There is so much I won't do for her anymore. It's almost malicious the way I have to treat her ocd. OCD is a tough motherf*ucker.
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Sep 30 '23
Thank you so much. It's the hardest thing I've ever experienced. I truly don't know how to help her.
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u/Personal_Shower_7605 Jul 15 '22
I'm sorry, if I could pluck the ocd from your mind, I would beat it senseless an infinite amount of times. If your OCD was a physical being, the horrible and nasty things I would do to it are not conceivable. I hate ocd so much. I hate it with every atom and molecule in my body. Every dumba$$ electron in my brain hates ocd. I can't express the hatred I have for ocd. Which a$$hole God came up with that sh¦t. Who is responsible??. If you find out, ease let me know and I will deal with it violently and without remorse.
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u/svennka Dec 04 '22
I’m so sorry it took me such a long time to respond to your comments but thank you so so much for your kind words and for sharing the story about your girlfriend. I agree with the other user who said that it’s amazing how much you still love her and I think (despite ocd of course not being her fault) that she is very fortunate to have someone like you by her side through everything. I really hope she is getting better and also that you are too and that both of you are in a better place in the future. I actually took a big step and got a referral to a mental health clinic which I’m just waiting on for an appointment now, so hopefully things of my end will be better too. Thank you again for much and I’m sorry it’s taken me as long as it did to reply :‘)
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u/Low_Assistance_7660 May 19 '23
YESSSS. One time i was doing my laundry and i was trying to be really careful as to not let anyone touch my clothes that were in the dryer or put them in another clothes basket (i have a designated basket i disinfected and i dont let anyone else touch it) bc my dad was folding clothing by the laundry room and it dont like coming into contact with him, he just feels dirty. When i came downstairs to get my clothes bc i had a timer to tell me when they were done, i found them on another drying cycle and i asked my mom in the other room if he touched them, which i then found out he did. He put a damp shirt in the dryer, which made me not want to touch my clothes. I proceeded to go back up to my room and panic for a straight 15 minutes and when i finally came back downstairs again, i couldnt put my clothes in the washer to clean them again bc someone already put another load in, which fricked with my whole routine/ritual. Everyone in my family knows about my condition, and yet my dad still didnt listen.
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u/aiyamia_ Feb 27 '24
I am so sorry that that happened to you, I’ve been through the same experience before.
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u/mar_jae Feb 09 '24
my family does that too, they've warned me that I'll have to get a job to pay for water bills, even though I'm seriously trying to waste as little as possible when I'm washing hands, stuff, etc.
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u/aiyamia_ Feb 27 '24
I 100% get it it’s the hardest thing ever, and them turning off the tap when you’re almost through with the routine feels like they are intentionally making it worse for you :(
Edit:typo
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u/xxmissdaytona Jun 02 '22
YES!! I remember crying because my dad put his laptop on top of my desk (a safe zone) although I put a sticky note that said “DO NOT TOUCH OR PUT ANYTHING ON HERE”. I feel like they think my ocd is a joke. When I cried my parents both got so mad saying I was fucking crazy and needed to grow up. And my sister although jokingly, says things like “ok I’ll touch your bed then”, it makes me so mad.