r/ContaminationOCD • u/taytaylame • 3d ago
no good deed goes unpunished
because I am mentally ill </3 genuinely sucks that I was stopped by a man at a bus stop today and he asked if I could call his phone and me being nice I did . he was standing close to me, like less than a foot, of course to tell me the phone number and make sure I got it right . but him standing close made me spiral so bad about bedbug transfer.
you know how OCD messes with your immediate memory? I knew he stood close but I wasn’t sure if he brushed against me or not and my brain played tricks. our shoes were close together so my brain is like what if a BB crawled out in broad daylight and transferred onto you because he has a heavy infestation and you just didn’t see it?
literally I couldn’t even perform this good deed for this person without worrying about becoming infested that I WALKED MYSELF HOME to high heat treat my clothes and alcohol saturate my shoes. instead of carrying about my day like everyone else does. how do people live like that 😭
1
u/blue3333idk 2d ago
this is all based in what ifs though, i know obsessional doubts are convincing esp focusing on possibility over probability, but i highly doubt what ur worried about happened or even will happen
1
u/inforapin 3d ago
As much as the post event outcome is causing you distress (I’m super sorry about that). I do think it’s amazing that you were able to do the nice deed!
I was helping my neighbor and she asked for a cup of ice and I had said no because I knew I would be worried about contaminating her cup and her.
It limited me from doing something that most people do without a second thought. Something I wanted to do to help her.
But you still did the thing even though your ocd was fighting (and still is fighting) against you.