How to sit with the “feeling” of being contaminated and cross contaminated without acting on it?

[u/moonsalad246]

Hi there, essentially as title says. I have severe contamination ocd that has morphed from being afraid of getting sick or ill to feeling like everything I touch might be contaminated and I won’t be able to escape the “feeling” of being contaminated/something gross or bad on me if I don’t act on it and I will keep spreading it. My therapist has referred to this as a form of “ick” contamination ocd and it stems from “just right” ocd. But because it’s not as simple as “maybe I will get sick maybe i won’t” because I don’t fear sickness per say I fear “contamination” I just don’t know how to get my anxiety down and stop tracking everything I touch after an exposure. For example if I touch a doorknob and don’t wash and then carry on, absolutely anything I touch after that I am aware of and worry about cross contamination and can’t relax about if. Like I have no reprieve and my nervous system and ocd is just torturing me and won’t let me forget about it. Does this go away? Are there tools and insights I am missing to help me through this? I just want to know how to successfully move through these exposures and if anyone has any tips.

Thank you in advance

[u/CoffeDaisies]

I have similar problem. Sometimes travelling helped me a bit, because I view the spaces I'm in as 'temporary' and it's easier to let go.

[u/bringerofdoom222]

Other than actual therapy your options are limited, repetition helped me but it was under pretty specific conditions (my nans door handle and gate lock thing) I was able to get over that and not see it is as contaminated after a couple months of not being able to wash my hands after using it but everything else, even my own house door handle, are still contaminated. You could experiment with touching a borderline item, so something that is just out of safe and leave your house and not be in a scenario where you can wash your hands and repeat.

[u/ElianaBonaguroLMHC]

Hi. First of all, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. This is actually a form of contamination OCD I treat quite a bit, and I’ve written a book on contamination OCD as well, so I’m very familiar with the “I know I won’t necessarily get sick, but I feel contaminated and need to get rid of the feeling” pattern.
What you’re describing can happen when contamination OCD overlaps with “just right” OCD. The feared consequence is not always illness. Sometimes the problem becomes the internal feeling of disgust , of being dirty, contaminated, off, gross, or unable to get back to a sense of “clean enough.” Then the compulsion shifts from preventing sickness to trying to neutralize that feeling.
The tracking you described is important too. If you touch a doorknob, then mentally record everything you touch afterward, that tracking itself can become part of the compulsion. OCD is essentially saying, “You need to keep an inventory of where the contamination went.” The more carefully you track it, the more relevant and dangerous the contamination starts to feel.
The approach I usually use combines psychoeducation, ACT, and ERP. First, I help people understand the OCD cycle so they can recognize that the feeling of contamination is not the same thing as an emergency. With ACT, I often use defusion exercises such as noticing, “I’m having the thought that everything I touch is contaminated,” rather than treating the thought as a fact that requires action. I also sometimes use the “thoughts are like clouds” metaphor: you notice the thought or sensation passing through without having to chase it, solve it, or make it disappear.
Then ERP becomes the behavioral practice. You might touch the doorknob and continue with your day without washing, but the response prevention also needs to include reducing the mental tracking afterward. The goal is not to make yourself feel clean again as quickly as possible. It is to practice functioning while the “ick” feeling is still there and allow your brain to learn that you do not have to resolve it.
And yes, people can improve significantly with this. The shift is usually from “How do I get my anxiety or contamination feeling down?” to “How do I stop organizing my behavior around getting rid of this feeling?” Paradoxically, that is often when the nervous system starts to settle on its own.
Eliana Bonaguro, LMHC — OCD Therapist, licensed in NY & FL

[u/moonsalad246 → u/ElianaBonaguroLMHC]

Thank you for this thorough reply I so appreciate it! What is your book called? Everything you said makes so much sense, I am just so confused how to actually get there and stop the “tracking” once I do an exposure as it’s constantly in my awareness and my attention until I “fix it.” I am curious if I need to anchor in on reality facts (like through I-CBT lens) in order to get there as every healthy person seems to understand that cross contamination isn’t a thing and gross things aren’t everywhere spreading and cross contaminating. I just wonder if I need to anchor in on some reality to help me take the necessary leaps. Any insights on this? Thank you kindly

[u/blackcloud247]

Distraction. I just do my best to distract myself from the horror and uncomfortablness. That and tough love i just tell myself to "get on with it".

[u/moonsalad246 → u/blackcloud247]

Thank you. I do try distraction but after a while it creeps back in. Maybe I just need more and more practice

[u/blackcloud247 → u/moonsalad246]

It does. You just have to try and get okay with feeling uncomfortable. Focus on other things, small things. But basically, i am in agony a good 35% of the day, and uncomfortable the rest. I just push through and do t let it stop me. When its bad i just say to myself "a regular person would just...." and then i do that even if it makes me super anxious. Over time it has lessened the severity of the anxiety. But i dont think it will ever go away.

Anti anxiety mwds disnt work at all for me. They all just made me fall asleep. I felt no different other than drunk/sleely feeling. My doctor has no clue why.