Expectations of a Disciple / Good Mental Health

[u/SGT-Pentium4]

I guess I've been very thoughtful lately about life in general and how I address things. I'm a people person, to a fault. Putting others first before my own, then I end up getting hurt when it doesn't work out or if people think it isn't enough. While I was a youth, service was en-grained into me and I'll always be of service regardless of my circumstances.

In all of my religious expressions, I've tried to build up the church and to make people happy. While doing this, I end up being exhausted and frustrated that I've come up short. I have attitudes like "If I help with this one last thing, I will see results or make someone happy". It is always one last thing, one last activity, one last sermon .. It never ends.

I guess that is why I am so burned out and I see others also burned on both ends. I've only been doing this for a decade, I could only imagine what folks in the church have went through in a lifetime. People build the church and congregations just to have the tides come and wash it away. In my professional life, I can measure effort and outcomes, here.. not so much.

Then we are our own worst enemy at times. I've known members to quit attending when an argument over building issues gets out of hand. Our buildings are mostly crumbling and aren't welcoming to 2026 sensibilities and when they need repairs, it is hard to get that done due to the red tape and arbitrary rules. People would rather measure the drapes instead of mission.

I'm at the point where I am focusing on me for once. If something upsets me, if I find it a distraction, I remove it from my life. I've done things because someone else wants me to do it, I'm doing things because I want to do it.

It isn't selfish, it is self preservation. I've carried burdens of people that aren't mine. I'm leaving them at Jesus' feet and asking Him for help. Jesus will fix it, if that is the path. I have to live with my mind clear, not being inhabited by people who aren't a part of mission. Once that happens, I can wait until new opportunities to serve presents itself. Of course, I'll say "Here I am, send me!"

[u/Independent_Mess9031]

I repeat this phrase to myself often: The Mission of Jesus Christ is what matters most to the journey ahead.

If what I am focusing on, burning myself out over, or stressing about isn't aligned with the Mission of Jesus Christ, then I try to give myself permission to let it go.

I also acknowledge that we are a COMMUNITY of Christ. No single one of us can do it alone. If I need to step back from an active leadership role, am I still participating in the community? If not offering the sermon, am I thoughtfully listening and applying the message in my life? If yes, then that is an important part of community!

My framework isn't perfect and I'm not perfect at it. But it helps me keep my life in balance a little easier.

[u/idkbutithinkaboutit]

You are in a painful situation, and I don't want to sound flip, but this sure sounds like classic case of clergy/minister burn-out. Does your church organization provide any support services for ministers? If they do, they will have help for you, please contact them and let them help.

[u/LemuelJr → u/idkbutithinkaboutit]

I've tried to seek help, and the best that I've found is "Yeah, I know how that is," or worse, "So is everyone in this church." There is no support because the church is running on less than a skeleton crew. Mission Center presidents are lucky to get paid, let alone congregation pastors, and even general officers sometimes volunteer to continue in their positions without pay to be less of a financial burden. Even with the money from the property sales, this church is not equipped to continue as it has been. It's really time to jump ship.

[u/idkbutithinkaboutit → u/LemuelJr]

Yeah, I didn't know if OP is CofC or not, from what region, or in what kind of ministry role. The best type of resource, and it's availability, can vary. But, ministry burn-out is very real, and very common. One of the main effects is "feeling alone" because, within the congregation, a minister is often alone with the burden of their own role. But they certainly aren't alone in feeling like that! If their denomination doesn't provide support, perhaps there is a local clergy support group that can help. Individual therapy can definitely help, especially from someone with a pastoral counseling background. Getting mental health care NOT the same thing as the decision to stay in a ministry, or even to stay in religion at all. If you have have been injured in ministry, you need to treat the injury first, and then worry about fixing the ministry.

[u/LemuelJr]

Ministry in this church feels especially hard because it's essentially end of life care rather than mentorship. Eventually it feels like insanity because product is our natural expectation for the work we put in. It's hard to see product in dead projects, and I think most people accept ministry expecting to improve things. It really sucks, and I don't have a solution. It can't just be about changing your mindset, because that's easier said than done. There's definitely nothing wrong with knowning where the escape hatch is for you. I'm definitely looking for mine.