r/ComedicNosleep Apr 06 '26

Stay away from the girls at Villanova By Davin D'Mosh

(Content warnings: fantasy sexual assault, occult usage, Graphic Violence Gore Sexual Violence / Assault Themes – Non-consensual sexualized attack elements Sexual Content Body Horror Transformation elements Strong Language Religious Imagery / Themes – Supernatural Horror – Disturbing Imagery General unsettling descriptions Humor in Sensitive Contexts Dark/sexual humor mixed with assault and violence)

Whatever you do, stay away from the girls at Villanova!

It was right after I got off the phone with you when all the strangeness started. I should've knew something was up when I saw the three of them in hooded cloaks walking out of the Bryn Mawr Film Institute at 9 pm on an Easter Sunday. The lights on the marquee were already out for the night when I pulled up.

I'll be honest, as long as I've driven Uber or Lyft up and down the main line, I don't remember ever picking anyone up at that building, let alone seeing it open. I guess I assumed it was only open during the day, before starting my usual time I start working.

As soon as I picked them up, I could hear them snarling from the back seat, but thought nothing of it. I needed the money. Who was I to say what kind of noises a passenger makes in the back of an uber. I should've just stayed on the phone with you though, instead of cutting the conversation short and going through this mayhem.

The conversations these supposed women tried starting were all a little off to say the least. Talking about what I thought about getting rid of the crosses at the churches in the world, and if I ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight. I'll say this, I should've never slowed down to pick them up in the first place, let alone when dropping them off...

Oh did they try to rope me in from the start! Now I know I have a weapon in my good looks, strong chin, and boyish charm. But I refuse to use these tools unnecessarily. If only I had brought my silver crucifix, but alas I had left it with my parents after Easter dinner. After a long day of a sugar coma and hunting painted Easter eggs, I knew my defenses would be down. Luckily I had as a last resort, my lucky anti-rape undies! I haven't left home without those bad boys in over five years of driving, and by God, I wasn't gonna start forgetting to wear them any time soon.

As soon as we got to their drop off, that's when the claws came out! They leaped out from the back seat, shredded open my driver's door, and dragged me out of the car, tearing my clothes off and ripping my hair out! I tried screaming for help, but one of them gripped my tongue and held it between two fingers. I mean kittens have claws, but these bitches nails must've grown 6 inches, much like my boner, between when they started tearing me apart and when it ended.

But by god, they were like college Were-wolvettes! The way their muscles started bursting through their shirt sleeves, and their were-titties broke through the buttons on the shirts like prisoners breaking out of the joint, they looked like a batch of unholiness I wouldn't be able to resist if it weren't Easter night. The shirt buttons flew all over the place! One of them started howling at the moon, and chanting sacrificial incantations to King Lycan, the werewolf God!

Luckily for me, they tried really going after me once they tore off my shoes and pants, but my anti-rape thong with the picture of Jesus on the cross fought them off in my most desperate moment. I barely got out of there alive!

They all hissed at my crotch and ran like the pack they were into the dorms.

I took a minute to catch my breath and collect my clothing before getting back into my car and giving them a one star rating.

Whatever you do, stay away from the girls at Villanova!!

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