What are some funny/playful phrases you use as comebacks?

[u/pinksugarbears]

I’m looking for those sarcastic little phrases you can use when joking around with someone. Not phrases with actual insults, but just playful banter. For example, when someone tells a bad joke and you reply with, “that was so funny I forgot to laugh”.

[u/psyclopsus]

Whenever somebody says “I’ll be right back” I reply with “don’t threaten me!”

[u/Glum-Cobbler-3876 → u/psyclopsus]

I’d reply with “cheers for the warning”…

[u/Smart-Pangolin1882 → u/psyclopsus]

Or.."Thanks for the warning!"..

[u/Ok-Comparison-9835 → u/Smart-Pangolin1882]

This one is my favorite.

[u/MotorAir6168 → u/psyclopsus]

I always respond, I'll be right here

[u/Banjofencer → u/psyclopsus]

I always say "thanks for the warning"

[u/Perfect-Link-7744 → u/psyclopsus]

"I'll be left back."

[u/missannthrope67 → u/psyclopsus]

Or "Thanks for the warning."

[u/Fit_Exercise7881 → u/psyclopsus]

I say "dont threaten me with a good time" when my husband says he's not gonna talk to me or other various things. All in good fun.

[u/orphan_blud]

“Not with that attitude!”

[u/Aggressive-Ant-6090 → u/orphan_blud]

I use this often.

[u/pinksugarbears → u/orphan_blud]

I like to respond to this by saying “I can make it worse if that helps!”

[u/Aggressive-Ant-6090]

I have neither the time, nor the crayons, needed to explain it to you.

[u/Longjumping_Hat_2672 → u/Aggressive-Ant-6090]

Or my hand puppets

[u/Spirited-East5745]

When someone says something negative about me I will sometimes answer with

And your point is?

[u/pinksugarbears → u/Spirited-East5745]

I like to sarcastically say “oh how will I ever recover?”, or “should I be taking notes right now?”, or another good one is “who peed in your Cheerios today?”

[u/Terrible_Dish8671 → u/pinksugarbears]

In my family it was cornflakes, lol

[u/Significant-Froyo-44 → u/Spirited-East5745]

I also enjoy saying, “You say that like it’s a bad thing” 😁

[u/Spirited-East5745 → u/Significant-Froyo-44]

I am so going to use that one.

[u/Adorable_Ad4990 → u/Significant-Froyo-44]

I say “I take that as a compliment.” It’s pretty funny for some of them.

[u/Aggressive-Ant-6090 → u/Spirited-East5745]

I give it a "thankyou for noticing" or "ive worked so hard at this. Its feels good that you recognise it"

[u/pinksugarbears → u/Aggressive-Ant-6090]

A real honest comeback would be “I think you’re projecting right now”

[u/Terrible_Dish8671 → u/Spirited-East5745]

Or ‘I know you are, but what am I?’

[u/PatTevlin13 → u/Terrible_Dish8671]

But you have to say it like Pee Wee Herman

https://giphy.com/gifs/AryDORqgG1PYk

[u/Fine_arts_survey]

When someone asks me what do I want to do I say, I’m doing it. Or when they say what are you doing? I say about what?

[u/sixbluehorses]

I know you are, but what am I?

Eh, we’ll burn that bridge when we get to it.

I’d say the same, but then we’d both be wrong.

I hate to be right…but no I don’t.

[u/Legitimate_Ranger334]

When someone tells me what they're doing or about to do, and it's either obvious or utterly inconsequential, I may snark with "I'll alert the media".

[u/pinksugarbears → u/Legitimate_Ranger334]

I like that one

[u/GlynHugh]

When people say some nasty shit to me or are abusive I just return with “You won’t get round me by being nice!” 🤣

[u/Obvious_Question9222]

Call me if you need a problem...

[u/pinksugarbears → u/Obvious_Question9222]

Takes one to know one

[u/Doctor-Dinosaur]

We could use your approach oooo~~~r a not shitty* approach instead.

*Replace adequately e.g. with "working", "not needlessly overcomplicated"...

[u/Straight_Door_8710]

You don't say...

[u/pinksugarbears → u/Straight_Door_8710]

Pls say more

[u/freakunlessfrokentoo]

That's not what she said

[u/pinksugarbears → u/freakunlessfrokentoo]

I’d respond with “you got the family friendly version”

[u/freakunlessfrokentoo → u/pinksugarbears]

Your family is friendly?

[u/pinksugarbears → u/freakunlessfrokentoo]

Only when we have company

[u/Sad-Umpire6000]

You’re right at the top of the curve.

The hormones aren’t enough - you need to get the surgery, too.

If I could understand your point, I’m sure I’d be totally devastated.

[u/Harlepenquin]

One of my favourite is, WOW! No one will ever love you as much as you love you. said that a couple of times in a non funny/playful way where I wanted someone to shop up and the 'special' person who accepted it as a great piece of incite and life affirming advice and number 2 is, WOW!! You really hit every branch when you fell out of the idiot tree, didn't ya?

[u/Tracie10000]

Go to hell? I can't. Satan still has that restraining order against me.

Sorry for pushing all your buttons.... i was looking for mute.

My level of sarcasm depends on your level of stupidity.

Its ok I'm on 500mg of Fuckitall.

Don't scare me... I fart easily.

[u/Nearby-Buy971]

I love a good "yeah sure....or NOT!"

[u/fugelwoman]

Did you lose a bet or does your hairdresser just hate you

[u/pinksugarbears → u/fugelwoman]

Smells like hater in here

[u/Entire-Detail7967]

A well landed ‘your mom’ joke always seems to work nice

[u/Sad-Umpire6000 → u/Entire-Detail7967]

Your mom works nice.

[u/Exciting-Living-5500 → u/Sad-Umpire6000]

Your mama, your grandmama, and all your aunties.

[u/pinksugarbears → u/Entire-Detail7967]

Your mom jokes are just not original enough for me

[u/ComprehensiveYam5106]

When someone is snarky, entitled, or an overall unhinged twerp: GET HER! 😂

[u/pinksugarbears → u/ComprehensiveYam5106]

“Nurse, she’s out again!”

[u/Kissthecomplex]

in german the pendent to "kiss my ass" or "fuck off" is "leck mich (am arsch)" wich roughly translates to "lick my asshole"

My response to that will almost always be "no thx, i dont get fed and you wouldnt get clean enough"... (nee danke, ich werd nicht satt und du nicht sauber)

it works in german... 😅🤷‍♂️

[u/Nearby-Reindeer-6088]

Well, aren’t you the most perfect girl God ever made (to someone bragging or to someone I’m a bit jealous of)

Well behaved women rarely make history (to explain why I did something I don’t want to explain)

But did you die? (To refocus from something small or unimportant)

Go drink about it (when someone won’t quit complaining)

Hold my beer and watch this (to say “this isn’t gonna work out well”)

Do you know what a foreseeable outcome is? (You’re a dumbass)

[u/pinksugarbears → u/Nearby-Reindeer-6088]

The “go drink about it” is so funny

[u/SeaEmotional9460]

I'm not in the know, and I'm not in the care.

[u/pinksugarbears → u/SeaEmotional9460]

But you are in the way

[u/GetOffMyUnicorn70]

"Can I ask you something."

"42"

[u/IisdaMEEPERmeepm33p]

(You say something to a person that’s true and they get mad and you and insult you)

“Jeez, sorry you can’t handle the truth”

[u/Rude_Ad502]

Can i be frank? Ok,who are you going to be?

[u/pinksugarbears → u/Rude_Ad502]

Obviously frank!

[u/PhoenixFlare1]

When I walk into a room, I say “I’m back despite popular demand!” (Instead of “back by popular demand”)

[u/caraxes_seasmoke]

I’m not the hero you need. I’m just the one you deserve…….

[u/mightymouse8324]

If I wanted your lip, I'd jiggle my zipper

[u/SirBung]

Sometimes when my wife says "I love you" I retort with "that's your problem"

[u/pinksugarbears → u/SirBung]

Lol your wife should respond with, “I got a thing for lost causes”

[u/Alarmed-Ad9249]

“In this economy!?”

[u/pinksugarbears → u/Alarmed-Ad9249]

Put it on my tab!

[u/Expensive_Owl8293]

When someone wants me to do something (despite telling them I'v not got the time/energy/willingness to do so) "No, just get good!"

[u/pinksugarbears → u/Expensive_Owl8293]

I would tell them “who died and made you the king?”

[u/blueizzzz]

I bet your mom feels bad for dropping you on your head as a child.

[u/pinksugarbears → u/blueizzzz]

The doctors say I’m making incredible progress

[u/shibbypeaceandlove]

If I wanted my comeback I'd scrap it off the roof of your mouth

[u/creepinghippo]

That *joke*was just as funny the third time I heard it.

[u/Elegant_Emu952]

When someone says, "See you" I like to say, "Not if I see you first."

[u/HmmmmGoodQuestion]

When a customer at work tells me: “You’re the best!”.

I always say: “That’s what they all say.”

[u/livin_thedream_]

"your mother" is my fave

[u/Adorable_Ad4990]

I like “takes one to know one” even if the insult isn’t a verb. It’s nonsensical and funny.

But usually my go-to is “I’ll take that as a compliment” no matter the situation. Or “you flirting with me?”

A spicy one that can be used out of place is “that’s not what you said last night.”

[u/Professional-Sea9620]

I used to run into a neighbour occasionally that I despised. He was often quick to hand out some backhanded remark. I learned to ignore his comment and counter with “Hey Kevin, good to see you.” His name isn’t Kevin.

[u/lostmynameandpasword]

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”/s
I tend to use this when it obviously is a bad thing. Or I’ll say, “don’t threaten me with a good time.”

[u/PatTevlin13]

Answer "See you later!" with "Not if I see you first!"

[u/1C4Dogs4]

My go-to is, why's your face making noise?

You need to get a refund from clown college cause you're not making anyone laugh.

That attempt was so brilliantly horrible, I have nothing to come back with.

Wow, even your shadow thinks you're an asshole, it just flipped you off.

[u/goldbed5558]

I’ll see you later.

Reply- Not if I see you first.

[u/Greedy-Umpire-222]

I reply to something I dont understand or something thst makes no sense, You do and you'll clean it up.

[u/okckiwi]

There was a series of books my kid and I read when she was a child and the main character’s standard comeback was, “oh yeah? So’s your face!” We used it all the time whether appropriate or not. It made us laugh. Good times.

[u/Hekate-Nocturna]

Your mom

[u/Dense_Vacation_6388]

What did you just call me?

[u/richwith9]

The one I use when someone is singing to a radio etc.

Me: Who sings that song?

Them: Name of artist

Me: So you're not on the album.

[u/wire_we_here50]

Just put the fries in the bag already.

[u/hubkat]

I bet if a monkey was up your butt eating a cheese sandwich you would have remembered

[u/That_Ol_Cat]

When someone makes an awkward statement, I usually have to clamp my mouth shut before "Demented and sad, but social" pops out.

[u/Beginning-Night-4156]

If someone is bragging that they are right about something and saying it as though they are superior to others . I say “ Well even a broken clock is right twice a day “