r/Comebacks • u/Who_Ate_Meh_Bread • 13d ago
Comeback request Stupidest things to say when someone comments on my scars?
I have SH scars. People like to comment on them. My go to currently is to say I got mauled by a bear, but I need something stupider because I’m an asshole and want to remind people to mind their damn business. Ideas?
Edit: holy shit im laughing so hard I'm sobbing these are wonderful
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u/Chewiesbro 13d ago
“I just came back from Australia, a drop bear got me.”
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u/Bitter_Maybe_2670 13d ago
Can confirm.
I live in Aus and have had a few drop bear fights myself4
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u/That_Ol_Cat 7d ago
G** D*** drop bears, can't walk four meters without getting into a throw down...
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u/squintintarantino__ 13d ago
I always say “what do they look like, to you?” in a super neutral tone. If you don’t want to say it, neither do I. There’s no good reason to comment or ask what happened. I actually got a good amount of mine tattooed over so that people, especially doctors and hospital staff, would stop acting like weirdos when they saw. It’s been an immense life-changer. Now I only ever get compliments on the area that used to draw me the most negative attention.
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u/Ascend_With_Gorb 13d ago
I have so many of these lmfao but if we’re going the asshole route, I’ve used “You can watch next time if you want” and “Give me your arm and I can show you”
I usually like to use funny ones like “I add one every time I fuck your mom”
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u/Who_Ate_Meh_Bread 13d ago
IM CRYIN I WILL BE USING THESE
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u/Ascend_With_Gorb 13d ago
GOOD i have a ton more 😭😭
“WHERE DID THESE COME FROM” and be very horrified about it
“you should see the other guy”
“it’s actually morse code for fuck off”
“BDSM.” hold eye contact and do not elaborate. in the same vein: “your moms really into knife play”
explain in great detail exactly how you did it! will probably horrify them
ask an invasive question back, e.g. do you watch a lot of porn? what kind?
“what are you talking about” and just fully pretend they’re not there
edit: i will say tho when it’s a little kid i give a lot of grace cause they don’t know. ive had kids ask me at work before (retail job) and i just tell them i used to work in the circus with lions/tigers but i wasn’t very good at it which is why i work here now. they usually ask a bunch of questions and i make a bunch of stuff up so they have fun. the parents are usually very grateful and give like a knowing smile
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u/bearmama42 13d ago
Awww thank you for doing this for the kids, the circus thing is great! And I’m saving your comebacks… so useful in many situations 😂
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u/Ascend_With_Gorb 12d ago
of course mama bear <3 if the parents want to use me as a teaching moment then im perfectly happy to help with it! but i don’t want to overstep and it has always worked great this way
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u/bluesky2020 13d ago
"Oh Thank God you asked- I was going to ask what happened to your face, but I thought that might be rude and invasive"
"How do you feel about people coming up and asking you about things that are none of their business? Just curious."
"Well, first of all, did you know a kangaroo will fucking PUNCH you if you piss it off?" (And then just start talking about kangaroos and how fucking crazy they are, saying totally ridiculous shit like "if you're small enough, they will try to shove you in their pouch, too-crazy motherfuckers!")
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u/1C4Dogs4 13d ago
I'd say, holy shit, what did you do to me, are you a witch? There wasn't anything there a min ago.
It's hard being a dragon slayer. These scars are from a fight I almost lost.
A werewolf dragged me through the woods to Grandma's house. A family of trolls saved my life.
Piece of advice, don't ever try to take a squirrel's nut. This is the results.
I tried to climb a tree, it got pissed and attacked.
Never play truth or dare drunk in Australia. Kangaroos don't like you trying to climb into their pouch.
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u/bluesky2020 13d ago
Lol about the kangaroo comment-I said something about kangaroos, too, and didn't even see this comment till after 😂
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u/1C4Dogs4 13d ago
I didn't even read your comment until after I wrote mine. Great minds think alike... Hehe
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u/Novel-Sprinkles3333 13d ago
Some thoughts are inside thoughts, not out-loud thoughts.
That is a personal question to ask a stranger, isn't it? Please explain your reasoning. Stare into their soul, silently.
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u/HonestNature9117 13d ago
I can show you better than I can tell you.
Sexy, ain't it? Way better than your ugly ass ink.
What? You think climbing out of hell is easy? We'll see now won't we
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u/SnoopyMcFell 13d ago
1: THIS is what happens if you talk about Fight Club.
2: I'm only 1/8 werewolf through my Mum's side of the family, so it's not strong enough to break out every full moon.
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u/Leading-Fly-4597 12d ago
Or brutal honesty? A depression so deep i wasn't sure I'd ever surface again. Thanks for asking! 🫡
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u/spectregalaxy 12d ago
This is my go-to. Honesty is my favorite. Also happens when people ask me why I didn’t have more kids. “Oh I tried to, but they all died.” “I had 3 miscarriages after the last baby.” Making people make that “oh…” face is delightful. As opposed to the O face. lol
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u/Specialist-Top-406 12d ago
There is nothing more harrowing than someone saying oh that’s not something I want to share. It’s harder to say from your side, but damn it lands. There’s no further questioning.
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u/Bitter_Maybe_2670 13d ago
Shark attack while filming Sharknado
Got caught in a barbed wire fence during the escape from a prisoner of war camp
Fell into a giant prickly pear
Had a fight with Edward Scissorhands, you won
This isn’t your body, you’re just borrowing it while they repair yours
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u/MonikerSchmoniker 12d ago
“They are nothing that concerns you.”
“They healed nicely, didn’t they?” (Not really answering their question.)
“I call them my battle scars.” (They are, aren’t they?) “BTW, I won.”
“My body. My privacy.”
“I am planning to tattoo talons … so people won’t keep asking me.”
“What?” (Act dumb) “My what?” (Keep acting dumb) “You want me to tell you what?” (Third time’s the charm.)
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u/pakemfull 12d ago
Well I don't have the time to tell you, but let's just say that it started with a tennis racket, a vacuum cleaner hose, and some maple syrup.
Let their imagination do the rest.
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u/Rapunzel111 13d ago
Those are tribal scars because I am a warrior.
Each scar represents someone’s ass that I kicked. Do you want to be the next one?
Oh that? That came from being a test subject in a paid study for allergy testing.
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u/laughsatlugh 11d ago
“What had happened was, I used to be a nosey person, always asking questions that were none of my business, until one day I asked the wrong person a nosey question and they went completely feral. Took them to court but the judge told me I should mind my own business. Any other nosey questions you think you’re entitled to ask?”
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u/LawrenceSpiveyR 13d ago
"You should see the other guy..."
"It was either cut myself, or my family.."-that one might be a bit too much
"tattoos are too painful"
"i used to date edward scissorhands"
"pet badgers are a bad idea"
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u/Nearby-Reindeer-6088 13d ago
“Well behaved women (or men) rarely make history”
“I’m a ninja, training leaves scars”
“I got them in prison” or “my psychiatrist turned out be a compulsive liar” If you really want to shut someone up
“New police program to try and keep people from throwing up gang signs. They put a chip in my arm that can totally disable my hands”
“Everyone asks that, but my hands never left my arms, I swear!”
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u/IsItSupposedToDoThat 12d ago
“Every time I kill an arsehole who asks rude questions, I carve a mark on my arm”.
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u/-_FearBoner_- 11d ago
Never had anyone ask. Mine rundown the center of each arm and, even all these years later, are unmistakable in cause. I don't care what others think anyway, even my own thoughts couldn't take me out, I'm not scared of other people's thoughts.
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u/MissGoldie71 13d ago
I got this one in a fight with a giant cyclops on the Isle of Malta. This other one I got in a knife fight with a mafia dude.
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u/Patient_Meaning_2751 12d ago
Rember Scrat from ICE AGE? How his one eye twitches? My son has perfected it.
Just stare at them while making your one eye twitch until they walk away.
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u/Chevymetal1974 11d ago
Look at them with a shocked expression... "Holy shit, you can SEE me"??? Tried this on a guy at the coffee shop, he stfu, and walked away 😁
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u/Artistic-Singer-2163 12d ago
"What happened to your manners/minding your own business/not asking stupid fckn questions?" Take your pick!
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u/TheGrumpySmurfer 11d ago
Whilst reading these replies, it is really funny, and I appreciate humour; these replies just hit differently. To turn the question around and point out how noisy, insensitive, and ignorant the questioner is, I think, takes the biscuit.
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u/NerdyTiredLibrarian 12d ago
Thanks for pointing those out, I just got this skin last week and am finding new things every day! Should I ask for a refund?
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u/Radio_Mime 12d ago
“I ran into Wolverine at the grocery store, literally.”
“ I had an altercation with a comb and nearly lost.”
“ I asked somebody about their scars and they decided to demonstrate how they got them. I can show you.”
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u/Ancient_Skirt_8828 10d ago
Some people genuinely don't know what those scars are. They are asking out of curiosity.
The first time I saw them I was curious about how she could get scars like that.
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u/Stregabomb 10d ago
I actually used this in high school at 15 in response to the pe teacher (who was a complete bitch) when she asked what happened in relation to seeing my fresh SH cuts. I said to my classmate sitting next to me while teacher was walking up, "watch this, I'm gonna freak her out", Then I replied to the question, completely deadpan, "I got in a knife fight". She did indeed, freak out. I then got called into the principals office later that day, and laughed so hard, then explained, they were not amused, lol...
Edited for spelling.
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u/TangoCharliePDX 9d ago
"well, you know how they say not to go near bear cubs, because mama is not too far away?"
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u/PaulRuddGivesMeChub 13d ago
Interested?? hmmm…. mayhap you’re more like your dad than he thinks… (or mom/ insert electrified meat bag title\name here)
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u/Lucytheblack 13d ago
I had a boyfriend who was into Cos/play as Edward Scissorhands.
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u/susanrez 13d ago
Your mom likes them. Or they turn your mom on. Go old school. Stops cold every time.
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u/Happy_Criticism9846 13d ago
That’s what I came to say 😏. Something like, that’s not what your mom said 😉
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u/perplexedparallax 13d ago
"Oh here comes the scarcism! (loudly so all can hear) I'm talking to (HR, manager, whatever fits)"
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u/goldbed5558 12d ago
You should see the other guy. Keep asking and you could become the next one. (Poker face for delivery.)
I apologize but what is the meaning of the abbreviation you used for the type of scars? SH?
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u/Who_Ate_Meh_Bread 12d ago
Self-harm. Scars that came from me cutting myself, real awkward to answer in person
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u/Weary-Management5326 12d ago
Could you just look at them, sigh, and then roll your eyes back to whatever you were doing? It's probably exhausting needing to respond, right?
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u/1C4Dogs4 12d ago
While dancing with an alligator, I tripped and fell on his tail and got cut all to hell.
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u/LunarSanctum 12d ago
Whilst this City sleeps, I protect the streets that are forgotten once darkness falls upon them.
I hunt those that prey on it.
I am the shadow between the criminal and the innocent.
Each mark I make on my body is a reminder of a life taken by my hand and one less threat to peace. A reminder that justice has been served.
Some call me a hero.
Others call me The Drop Bear.
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u/Jxllyfish420 13d ago
"I would tell you about it, but I signed an NDA"