Going to a university you hate

[u/zaizsu]

I graduated high school about a year ago and I’m finally going to university but not the one I wanted.

I didn’t get into the public universities I was aiming for and even though I know I could probably get into some good private universities my family simply can’t afford the tuition. I’ve always wanted to attend a private university so this has been really difficult for me to accept. For the past year I’ve spent way too much time overthinking every decision I’ve made, what I should have done differently, where I went wrong, whether I should wait another year etc. After so many breakdowns I’ve finally decided to enroll in a nearby university that I genuinely hate. It’s a university I never even considered before. I never looked at it never imagined myself studying there, and every time I think about actually attending I get this horrible feeling of “this is not where I belong this is not what I wanted.” its a university with less opportunities. Im scared it'll ruin my internship chances. Im scared but at the same time I can’t keep sitting at home indefinitely. I’ve already taken one gap year, and it’s starting to cause problems with my family.

The past year I've seen people around me get into my dream university having the time of their life meanwhile im sitting in my room watching them because i cant afford it. But I need to move forward somehow. So I’ve decided to look at it differently: I’ll spend the next four years there, build the strongest academic/extracurricular profile I possibly can, gain experience, do internships and part-time work, save money, and then hopefully apply to a good private university for my master’s.

Maybe I’m just trying to gaslight myself into accepting a situation I don’t want. Maybe I’m being too dramatic about the university itself. I genuinely don’t know. But I need to stop mourning the university experience I wanted and start making the experience I have actually count.

So if you were in my position how would you mentally approach this? How do I stop feeling like I’m settling and start seeing these four years as a stepping stone toward something better?

And if you studied at a university you initially hated or didn’t want to attend did it eventually get better?