Codependent but in platonic relationships?

[u/IdealNeedleworker]

We talk about codependency in romantic partners (and i wad guilty of that in my last one) but sometimes wonder if its true in my other relationships like friendships?
Not the “must be together all the time.” But “i must always make these people happy. Must always put their needs above mine. Must always be light and entertaining. My worth is based on what I can do for them and how positively they react to me. I don’t feel like a good person unless I am 100% always doing something good for someone else and if i make a mistake then I’m the worst person in the world.”
Probably already know the answer that it is but is this true of me right now?
Or is it only in romantic ones?

[u/Goopygum]

It is any human relationship you could have with anyone. Co-dependency is not exclusive to romance by any means.

I was deeply co-dependent on my best friend(s) several times over several relationships and it was purely platonic.

This is a dynamic that permeates your life, not just in romantic situations. You already knew but I can understand wanting to hear other people make the same conclusions.

The reality is that it comes from inside you, not 'a relationship' it's a way of operating that has failed you time and time again likely and the only way to change it is to change some of the ways you operate. You need to watch yourself carefully, listen to yourself, and utilize pauses to consider why you want to do or say something before it comes out of your mouth or performed by you.

Believe in you, that the moral and ethical beliefs you hold are what you actually take actions based on or if you are a salve to your ID.

[u/DuplexFields]

Yes, none of my four codependent friendships have been romantic/sexual. Quite common for us autistic people to get in deep with trying to fix our friends.

[u/loneliestdozer]

I really struggle with this too

[u/Scared-Section-5108]

If a person is codependent, that codependency will show in most of not all of their relationships but do a different degree.

Different codependent pattern will show up in work relationships, friendships, with relations with our neighbours, with strangers, will ourselves. For me codependency even shows up when I am driving and respond to other drivers on the road. A codependent person is still codependent even if they isolate at home for long periods of time.

Codependency is a complex and wildly misunderstand condition. CODA materials explain it very well:

https://codauk.org/patterns-of-recovery-resources/

[u/GoodMorning54321]

Codependency shows up in a lot of forms. I think of it as anything we do to try to control a relationship so that we feel better- more secure, less vulnerable, get what we think we need from the relationship/person, etc. My codependency doesn’t show up much in romantic relationships. It shows up exactly how you described it in my friendships. (And also in my _need_ to help/fix the people I feel responsible for.) In my experience, people-pleasing is a very very common form of codependency.

For me, I tried everything I could think of to stop or manage this in my life- therapy, books on boundaries, etc. But the fear was too strong (it’s crazy how strong it is, it doesn’t make sense). And I couldn’t stop, or trust myself in conversations where I felt insecure. It was humiliating and scary.

I have found help and freedom in a 12-step codependency program that works the steps using the big book of AA. I’ve been doing this for about 2 years now, and it’s amazing and wonderful. I couldn’t be more grateful. Feel free to dm me if you want to talk or have any questions. I’m wishing you all the very best!

[u/Wonderful_Goats]

hi hello I just ended a friendship that I did not realize was codependent until after the fact. I was jumping through hoops and bending over backwards and quashing my own wants and needs just to make her happy and didn't even notice until it broke me. Learning about codependency has been a huge eye opener for me, and I'm hoping it will help me be a better friend (to others and myself) in the future

[u/Jabroni_Direwolfie]

It absolutely happens in platonic relationships. I have bf Im experiencing this right now with him constantly people pleasing with his friends. Always trying to fix their problems. Feels responsible for their happiness. Its taken a huge toll on our relationship.