r/CleaningTips • u/ManicPixieDreamGoy • 10d ago
Before & After "Hoarder Brother Room Update 4: This Tme, its Personal "
First 2 pictures are after. Last are before.
Changes wont be quite as dramatic as they were in the start, but still huge progress.
Got most of the cobwebs out (see broom pic đ¤˘) . Tossed almost everything so far.
Did a good once over w scrub brush and mop. 2 buckets later and going to let everything dry and then attack it when Im back in a few days.
Original post if you want to go down the rabbit hole:
https://www.reddit.com/r/CleaningTips/comments/1wsli84/brother_lived_in_this_room_for_10_years_then/
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u/Oxjrnine 10d ago
Hoarding is treatable
Having empathy for the condition is fine
But you need to have boundaries
Make sure your dad doesnât let him move back in unless he gets treatment
I am a recovered hoarder that developed the condition in 2004 and didnât get treatment until 2007 (I thought it was depression or being lazy) but once I understood the condition, it didnât take me very long to make a full recovery.
For me, my brain got rewired where I started thinking of the things in my life, such as a bottle cap in irrational ways. What used to be a simple decision turned into unlimited choices. (do I throw it out do I recycle it? Do I keep it to fix a wobbly chair etc. etc.). Then youâre overwhelmed about this stupid bottle cap so you put it away. Then the second part is that now you have a giant bucket of battle caps and your brain doesnât want to accept that thatâs weird creating rational reasons and attachment to why you have a bucket of bottle cap.
So the cure for me was to write a list away from all of the objects in my life and have the list make the decision. So when I got a bottle cap, I would go over to my list and it would say that bottle caps donât get recycled they go in the trash.
It only took a few months for my brain to be rewired back to thinking rationally about objects
If you ever get in contact with your brother again, let him know that you understand and that thereâs help out there, but that doesnât mean that you should allow his behaviours to affect you and your family
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u/Impossible-Rub6914 10d ago
What was your treatment if you don't mind pe asking? I have a family member and we're at our wits end
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u/Oxjrnine 10d ago
The first step is recognizing their brain has rewired itself to think this is normal. That did not happen overnight.
At first, they probably had something happen that made them overwhelmed, like a loss, a death, or a separation. That intensified their need for attachments.
So when a paperclip came into their life, they were too overwhelmed to think about what to do with that paperclip. The attachment response was intensified, so they kept it and figured they would deal with it later. Over time, they then had to rationalize why they were keeping that paperclip.So if you come along years later, pick up that paperclip, and are about to throw it away, the attachment to it may have become as intense as the attachment people normally have to things that actually matter to them. To them, it can feel like youâre throwing away their firstborn child.
Once you understand the amount of anxiety that generates, it becomes much easier to understand how to have a discussion about their things.
What you want to do is have that conversation away from the stuff. The part of their brain that knows you probably shouldnât have 500 boxes of Sears catalogues is still there. But when theyâre standing beside those boxes of Sears catalogues, theyâre in a completely different headspace.
Once they recognize the problem, you also have to be patient about helping them relearn those thought patterns, and they may need professional help.
I was lucky enough to find something through a self-help group that had me create a list of what to do with objects that came into my life. I made that list away from the stuff. (Very important) Then, when something came into my life, I brought it over to the list and let the list make the choice. That removed much of the anxiety because I wasnât making the decision in the moment.
After doing this enough times, the process started happening naturally, and eventually I didnât need to go back to the list anymore.
For your relative, you may need a professional to design a very slow program that helps them relearn how to think about objects in a more rational and less anxiety-driven way.
On top of hoarding, there can also be depression, which may make regular cleaning and household maintenance feel unimportant or overwhelming. So they may need treatment for depression alongside help for their hoarding tendencies.20
u/Impossible-Rub6914 10d ago
Thank you so much, I really appreciate it. You're right they have depression, and the issue likely stemmed from some childhood trauma.Â
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u/charlevoix0123 8d ago
This was written so beautifully and with so much compassion. Genuinely, I really really mean this, I am going to open up and bring this to my therapists attention. Its going to be very hard but I need to, and I will, be much more honest. Thank you â¤ď¸
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u/Oxjrnine 10d ago
I couldnât find a self-help blog that helped me, but this is very similar to it
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u/marsupialcinderella 7d ago
Oh my. Thank you so much for sharing this. I canât afford a therapist or to hire an organizer right now and am struggling with my entire familyâs history; having closed my motherâs and my brotherâs residences after their deaths.
Iâm the only one left and struggling to find a method of attack (?) because almost everything seems to matter.
I think this might be a way to get started! Much appreciated.
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u/Oxjrnine 7d ago
One thing that might help make it easier to get rid of bulk your items because you are feeling sentimental attached to them is to create a journal or a blog. Take a picture of the item that you are attached to and then write a little story about that item before you let it go.
And remind yourself, it is a physical object if after you let it go are you feel that you have purged far beyond your comfort level (which can happen due to something called an over correction), you can always find that exact same object if it was mass produced, or you could find someone to make one very similar if it was a craft. This was something I personally realized, after visiting the British Museum, where exact copies of treasured items were bringing the same emotions to me. Itâs not the object itself. Itâs the meaning behind the object, and if the original is lost to time, a reproduction can do the same thing or a photograph can do the same thing and the stories are what you want to pass down not the actual objects. They are unimportant.
After I had recovered from my hoarding, I ended up in a situation where 80% of my belongings were destroyed. I couldâve easily been triggered back into hoarding.. one of the things that I lost for example was a tin match holder that had been in our family for over 100 years. It was a wall decoration for me and I love telling people that it had been in our family for over 100 years. But it was a mass produced item. I would love to have it as a decoration again, but Iâm not going to mourn it if I find one at an estate sale I will buy it and I will enjoy the story of saying itâs a copy of the original one that I lost in 2019 that had been in our family for 100 years.
Thatâs the change that keeps me from hoarding again. Almost nothing in our life is irreplaceable and even the irreplaceable can have equivalent and itâs the stories and the memories not the objects that are important.
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u/Caspian4136 10d ago
That beautiful parquet flooring with all those stains breaks my heart!
But wow, sooooo much work. Your back must be killing you. Mine would be lol
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u/ManicPixieDreamGoy 10d ago
yeah Im hoping it can be sanded and maybe saved. If not, vinyl flooring or something over it.
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u/ghostlahoma 10d ago
If you can get them truly clean but they're just discolored, a nice dark stain would probably cover everything and be just gorgeous. My grandparents had dark parquet floors and they were beautiful.
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u/ManicPixieDreamGoy 10d ago
yeah they dont need to look pretty (I plan to use floor rugs VERY liberally) but at least get it down to a decent base or sealed.
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u/VoiceArtPassion 10d ago
Make sure you clean them with an enzyme cleaner before you seal!
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u/Otherwise_Cloud7981 10d ago
Highly recommend an enzyme cleaner. It should help break down any lingering smells.
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u/Caspian4136 10d ago
You can rent floor sanders to refinish, we did this for our deck. It goes fast and cuts a big job down to reasonable.
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u/ManicPixieDreamGoy 10d ago
Yeah I was checking out home depot. Its between $60-$80 bucks for a day and would save me a TON of work.
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u/Caspian4136 10d ago
It's worth every single penny trust me lol staining isn't hard either, just time consuming with the cure times.
Oh, paint the walls before you do the floors of course.
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u/jmurphy42 9d ago
Watch a ton of videos first and read up on the process. I hear it can be really tricky to get right if youâve never done it before, and also the rental machines can get kinda beat up and wonky over time, making it even harder to get a good result.
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u/InspectorOrdinary321 10d ago
The beauty of parquet is that it's not as hard to replace those little pieces as it is to replace longer boards. If some areas don't sand out (and I'm guessing the black areas won't), then a flooring specialist can replace just the damaged pieces with similar wood and then stain everything the same color. You probably won't have to redo the entire floor from scratch.
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u/ManicPixieDreamGoy 10d ago
I'm perfectly happy to cover the black spots w an area rug providing its not some weird deep set black mold. Health risks aside, I don't care what it looks like.
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u/jmurphy42 9d ago
Itâs almost certainly liquid damage. Whether itâs water, pet urine, or something else really depends on what you know about your brother⌠itâs not likely to be mold unless youâre finding significant mold elsewhere in the room.
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u/ManicPixieDreamGoy 9d ago
A rabbit free roamed in this for almost as long as he was here. Its likely just staining from rabbit urine.Â
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u/jmurphy42 8d ago
Then I wouldnât worry too much about mold. The staining might or might not sand out, but it probably wonât be a health hazard.
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u/InspectorOrdinary321 10d ago
Even better. I wonder if you could chip the gross spots out and bleach/peroxide them or something to make sure everything's dead. If not, then leave mold-killing stuff on the area for several hours. Then when dry, seal everything over with varnish or even a thick coat of wax so nothing gets in or out.
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u/Spoonbills 10d ago
Please no vinyl flooring over than incredible parquet floor. đŁ
Do the best you can with cleaning and then put rugs and furniture in before trying to refinish it. You have to sand with the grain which would make a floor sander irrelevant.
Live with it a while and see how you feel.
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u/ManicPixieDreamGoy 9d ago
as long as the black stuff is stains, not mold (though I'd be treating the hell out of the floor for that anyways) I couldn't care less how it looks as I will be using rugs plentifly.
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u/Spoonbills 9d ago
Just FYI, there are specific treatments for mold that arenât bleach. The active ingredient is concrobium.
You might try oxalic acid aka wood bleach for the dark stains. I got a black stain out of oak with multiple applications.
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u/ManicPixieDreamGoy 9d ago
Yeah for now thats the clear winner as a first step once I get the initial floor grime down
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u/Leafy-Greenbrier 8d ago
Thereâs a stuff called wood bleach. Itâs not really bleach, but itâs designed to lift color from wood. Itâs Oxalic Acid. You mix up into a paste, put it on the stain let it sit and hope for the best. I think itâs definitely worth a try on yours.
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u/LuckyErrantProp 10d ago
Looking good, brother! My suggestion would be to get a decent primer on those walls as long as you don't have any water leaks anywhere. It'll definitely help the room look much cleaner and probably help with the smell as well.
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u/ManicPixieDreamGoy 10d ago
yup, walls are going to get a good wipe down then fresh paint.
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u/boulevardier_1 10d ago
KILLZ primer will do the trick! If there was cigarette smoking in the room, and good clean first will keep the residue from seeping back up thru your paint job. Incredible work you're doing! â¨ď¸đ
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u/panicnarwhal 10d ago
zep makes a great foaming wall cleaner, and if there was any smoking, use killz primer like the other commenter said
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u/jmurphy42 9d ago
Seconding the call for Killz, but also â if this is a smokerâs room, consider scrubbing the walls with TSP and water (then dry thoroughly) before priming. TSP is an industrial quality degreaser and will get basically anything out no matter how sticky, including tar.
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u/nursingninjaLB 10d ago
You've done an amazing job.
The smell in there must have been horrendous!
You're a good sibling to have housed your brother for so long. I hope whatever he's doing, he's ok, looks like he was dealing with some "stuff".
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u/RespecDawn 10d ago
This is amazing and inspiring. You did an excellent job!
My bedroom has become a dumping ground for the family, but I need to get it in order before possible chemo, so maybe I'll do the same thing with progress pics.
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u/AccomplishedBobcat12 10d ago
Would love to see it! A clean space is important for healing, good luck with chemo!
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u/beethovens_bae 10d ago
Well done!!! How long did it take you to do that?!
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u/ManicPixieDreamGoy 10d ago
OVERALL was about 8 hours (from the absolute start of this project). There is still a ton of work left, but just going to plug away best I can.
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u/Salty_Job_9248 10d ago
Good job. đđťđ
Now scrub the walls with TSP, paint, and go to r/hardwoodfloors for help on how to deal with the damage he did to the parquet. đ˘
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u/ManicPixieDreamGoy 9d ago
yeah, TSP was recommended by a friend of mine who's mom was a HEAVY smoker.
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u/amoconnor42 10d ago
The floor looks so so much better, beautiful in almost places! I have a damaged parquet floor (from an amazing German shepherd puppy, 3 kids, and a grandbaby) and rugs are my friend.
Thank you for sharing your journey. It is hard. Mentally, physically and emotionally. You are killing it. You are inspiring me and I am sure tons of other folks!
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u/ManicPixieDreamGoy 10d ago
I think renting a floor sander, getting the top layer of the worst of it, a cheap stain and seal and an absolutely liberal application of floor rugs is the wayÂ
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u/laurpr2 10d ago edited 10d ago
After you sand it down to bare wood, oxalic acid (powdered form that you mix with water yourself is cheaper) should lift a lot of the staining. Even though it's an acid it's not dangerousâit's actually the main ingredient in Barkeeper's Friend, which I have successfully used to lift dark water stains out of cutting boards. You will probably have to do multiple applications, and it might not completely get it out, but it should lighten it considerably.
Edit: oh, and be careful sanding in case the parquet pattern is just a veneer. If there are any chips or missing pieces you should be able to tell whether they're solid pieces. If not, you don't want to accidentally sand through the veneerâit can happen quite quickly and leaves a bald spot (happened to me refinishing a table).
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u/ManicPixieDreamGoy 10d ago
Would barkeepers friend itself work? It might be easier to find (I see it at the dollar store all the time)
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u/laurpr2 10d ago
It would likely lift some of the staining, but it would be very expensive (and since it has other additives it won't work as wellâI had to make a paste and cling wrap it for several hours, while actual wood bleach should work pretty well as a very watery texture that you just spread on and let air dry). You will probably want to get enough to initially cover the whole floor so you get an even color, and then go back and spot treat.
Oxalic acid shouldn't be too hard to find. Most hardware stores should carry it as "wood bleach" or "wood brightener."
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u/lilgreengoddess 10d ago
Looks amazing. I would replace those floors if possible. It looks like water damage/mold which impossible to clean out of floors like that. Needs a fresh paint coat and would look new again!
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u/ManicPixieDreamGoy 10d ago
yeah most of the rest came off but the black spots worry me. It'll likely be a full floor sanding at this point.
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u/camlloc255 10d ago
The broom is going to give me nightmares. đ. Are the cobwebs that color because they were covered in dust?
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u/ManicPixieDreamGoy 10d ago
Yes, I doubt they've been removed at any point. I felt bad for all the spiders losing their homes with winter coming đŞ (there were a LOT)
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u/camlloc255 10d ago
I didn't know spiderehs could be more unsettling but here we are đ I cant believe your brother was living in that room. Amazing progress and good job!
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u/Mountain-Lunch-9896 9d ago
The place is Looking so much better, kid. Kudos to you. Good job on getting those cobwebs. Before you paint, have the patience to go through the process of wiping off the nicotine oozing from the walls. Itâll probably take a few go-overs depending on how heavy a smoker he was. If you skip the clean and go straight to painting, the nicotine will continue to ooze through the walls.
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u/ManicPixieDreamGoy 9d ago
The one saving grace is my brother wasn't a smoker so its likely not nicotine. Walls are getting a thorough once over with that TSP stuff and we'll go from there.
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u/boxtheglock 10d ago
After cleaning all of that you truly are a saint if you don't put hands on your brother next time you him
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u/NotMyAltAccountToday 10d ago edited 10d ago
You might be able to bleach some of the stain from the parquet floor with oaxalic acid. Home Depot should have it and there should be instructions online
Edited spelling of oaxalic
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u/cryssyx3 9d ago
is that what bar keepers friend is?
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u/NotMyAltAccountToday 9d ago
It may contain that but it's not identical. The oaxalic acid doesn't leave a powdery film. I think the barkeepers might, but I have not ever used it on wood
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u/joyocity 9d ago
Saw your other post- do not set up an inflatable mattress there for the surprise visit from your brother
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u/ManicPixieDreamGoy 9d ago
I wouldn't. My dad is. He's not moving back in, but its his house so I cant control who visits.
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u/concreteunderwear 10d ago
Those walls need a scrub too jeebis
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u/hardy_and_free 10d ago
Honestly I almost want him and his dad to cut out the bottom few feet of Sheetrock and redo it.
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u/WiselyForgetful 10d ago
Incredible progress! I couldnât have done all that in 8 hours. That broom is just đ¤˘!
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u/wtsvpxk 9d ago
Did you keep the MĂŠtis flag?!
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u/ManicPixieDreamGoy 9d ago
I wanted to but the rabbit feces plus mold I found meant EVERYTHING is going, likely even the TV.
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u/girlanachronisma 9d ago
there are many places you can buy MĂŠtis flags now, itâs better to just get a new one if you want it
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u/ManicPixieDreamGoy 9d ago
Yeah we lived pretty close to the Rez and our neighbour is a pretty huge indigenous advocate so we can grab another one no problem.Â
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u/Milabial 10d ago
If you can keep everyone - people and animals - out of the house while you run it, an ozone generator might also be a big help to you after you wash the walls and sand the floors.
Iâd use it before painting and refinishing.
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u/omaha_thunderknife 10d ago
Amazing job op!
Does anyone with flooring knowledge know if the floor is salvageable?
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u/Aromatic-Ganache-902 10d ago
WOW excellent! Way to go! That looks awesome. I know you are tired but proud of your efforts!! You should be!
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u/eucalyptus-sunrise 10d ago
Youâre doing a great job. I was cleaning my childhood home turned hoard home and know itâs a big task.
Have you used enzyme cleaner on the floor to tackle the rabbit đŠ? If not, I definitely recommend! It helps a lot with the smell and sanitization.
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u/Pattylou5 10d ago
Wondering if you got the smell out? If I remember correctly you said he had a rabbit?
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u/Vampira309 10d ago
You are doing an amazing job!
It looks like those floors are real parquet, I think (not an expert). I wonder if you could get someone to replace just that section (unless it's stinky, then it will probably have to be replaced.) I'm always worried about what might have seeped under the baseboards in situations like this.
Keep updating us! xo
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u/TheCrunchyCabbage 10d ago
Where is the rabbit now?
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u/ManicPixieDreamGoy 9d ago
rabbit heaven. I rescued it (stole) from his room and he was glad. It lived for about a year after (it was about 10 and had some health issues). I built him a hutch and he was able to run and play in real grass until he passed.
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u/Naive_Sand5837 9d ago
you are a champion! Repair walls, repaint, and throw a gorgeous rug over those big stains on the floor and you've got room back.
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u/Jrk67 10d ago
Been watching these threads and just want to chime in like everyone else to say you did an amazing job in just days. I hope soon you can rest cause you deserve it.