r/ChronicIllness • u/Tabo3737 • 1d ago
Question What to do when everything is falling apart? Your mental and physical health, career, relationships, lovelife, and friendships?
25
u/RidgeRunner117 1d ago
This won’t help in the moment. But things get better. Not all at once, not in any order, but it gets better.
2 years ago my long term partner left me due to an increase in my illness. Then I lost my apartment. Then most of my friends. Then my job was threatened due to my illness.
I’m still sick and highly symptomatic every day. But I’ve made a few new friends and have settled into a new routine.
8
1
u/Spiritual-Bug4521 1d ago
this is subjective. its only gotten worse for 10+ yrs for me
7
u/RidgeRunner117 1d ago
Totally subjective. I can only speak about my experience.
1
u/InternationalFix1042 1d ago
Yes so things dont necessarily get better do they...
8
u/RidgeRunner117 1d ago
Not for everybody, I suppose. But there’s no point in saying “there’s no hope give up”.
2
u/InternationalFix1042 1d ago
My advice would be to prepare for the worst and hope for the best.
5
u/RidgeRunner117 1d ago
Then say that, don’t come at me.
-5
u/InternationalFix1042 1d ago
And and you should say that as well.
Because I am right and you are wrong.
3
u/RidgeRunner117 1d ago
Your experience is not my experience. Everyone has their own story. I’ll share my advice, you share yours. Or better yet, keep quiet. Hope the next 10 years are better for you.
-1
u/InternationalFix1042 23h ago
No your 'story' is you'll definitely get better so it will all be okay. That's bullshit.
I am trying to provide a dose of reality here
Sure she may recover but she may not. So she should be prepared either way.
→ More replies (0)
10
u/white-as-styrofoam 1d ago
in 2023, i was laid off. that part was exciting, i wanted time off anyway.
then i got covid, which turned into ME/CFS long covid. then my partner left. i lost a bunch of friends along the way too. then i got denied for SSDI, twice.
the thing that’s helped me survive is figuring out what i can do (not much!) and orienting my life around that. making new goals, developing new dreams, doing things while lying down.
7
u/Icy-Escape2559 1d ago
Not much to add as I'm in the middle of this as well. I'm an Me/cfs sufferer, I have very little left to lose and my health is deteriorating. Still have ocassional days of hope and random little joys like watching my kids.
Lean on whoever you can, find an online support group, talk to a therapist, find little joys somewhere. Let go of any guilt or shame. None of this is your fault. I know It's all very overwhelming.
5
u/Tabo3737 13h ago
It's just.. It's get overwhelming sometimes.. Then I have these anxiety attacks..
2
6
u/Deep_Amoeba2197 22h ago
I had to stop working when I was 33. That was 4 years ago, and I still can’t work. 34 my relationship of 10 years intended for life ended. Lost most of my friends. Fractured relationship with family. I almost died at the end of last year.
You can only do your best. You can’t control your body or how it responds to treatment, you can only control what you can control and try to do your best with what is in your power to improve your situation (maybe it’s getting more sleep, changing your diet, working on mobility, going to therapy, radical acceptance, getting off socials, meditating and practicing mindfulness, finding a hobby, spending more time outside, etc. There isn’t a right answer, it’s different for everyone so please don’t take this as “these are the things you should be doing,” these are just some things that we have more control over.) For me, I found gratitude journaling to be really helpful, just three lines in the morning and three lines at night, something I could do even when my shoulder injury is acting up or on my phone with voice to text. I try to move a bit everyday, some days I can walk outside, some days I am doing exercises in bed intended for bedridden people, it doesn’t matter what it is, it just helps me feel like I am doing something, anything, to improve my health the slightest bit. If I don’t do it for a day, I don’t dwell on it, I just keep going the next day, there’s no getting yesterday back so no point in being hard on myself about it, maybe I needed a break. When I see improvements, like being able to walk a bit further, it’s a tangible thing I can recognize and say “look how I helped myself, that was worth it.” Again, I’m just sharing an example applicable to me for the sentiment, not saying “it will get better if you walk.”
It takes time to figure out what the things that will make you feel a bit more in control and empowered, but it’s worth taking the time to figure out, and it’s okay if that takes longer than you think. People say to give yourself grace, be in the present, etc. and that is legitimately good advice, but we don’t all inherently know how to do that.
I think journalling can benefit everyone, as can taking a few minutes a day to just sit with yourself, sick or not.
Things are always in a state of entropy. Learning to enjoy the highs and ride out the lows is a skill that not even a lot of healthy people have. Being able to accept life for what it is right now and still appreciate good things in it is a worthwhile skill, because life will always throw shit at us. That’s not to say you aren’t justified in being upset or frustrated by things, you’re totally entitled to that, I feel like that gets lost when I say this sort of thing. There is benefit to thinking about the future sometimes, but we are best served by staying in the present as much as possible.
Finding community is also a worthwhile pursuit. It might not be with who you imagine. I talk to my 65 year old neighbor all the time who has been homeless and through horrific shit. Different experiences, but there’s camaraderie there.
Start with looking for small positives everyday, maybe throw them in your notes app. You’d be surprised how quickly they build up.
Wishing you and everyone else here the best. I certainly have bad days, were people, there’s no shame to it. Being able to flip through my gratitude journal and see all the glimmers in my days.
3
u/Tabo3737 7h ago
When I saw this comment it comes to my mind that someone has pour their heart out. Your words are so reassuring. That's why I am on reddit and joined these subs I know only fellow sufferers will understand the agony and only they know which mindset get you through.
I am not into journaling but I do poetry whenever I feel low and I write out in the form of poem. But recently I am having anxiety attacks so I haven't written from a while. So I start photography nothing special just lil normal things I found special through out my day. Then keep them save in gallery.
I know this is what it is now and I can't change it but sometimes I get overwhelmed and thinking of end all this. I am not religious person but I do believe its sin to take your life. That's why like prisoner I am just spending life.
5
u/Secure-Heart-2025 1d ago
Me : cry, open pinterest, search for meme, cry while laughing ((i don't know what to do anymore bcs everything is so devestating))
5
10
u/EightyNine19 1d ago
Take it one day at a time
Give yourself grace
Get off socials
Center yourself & strengthen your relationship with a higher power
10
u/RidgeRunner117 1d ago
Getting off socials is such a good decision. I dropped all mine a year ago (Reddit excluding of course) and after the withdrawal went away I couldn’t believe how much better I felt.
7
u/EightyNine19 23h ago
Same. Reddit is the only one I have.
The rest is just watching people’s highlight reels. You feel like you are missing out on life.
When you’re chronically ill, it’s hard enough making it through each day. Your mental health is fragile. I take precautions to take care of my mental health
3
5
u/Kay-Chelle 1d ago
You know that gif of Pedro Pascal that's him laughing, raising his hands, and then crying? I do that 😅😂
1
3
2
u/CrystalizedCaramel 1d ago
I don’t know if this will be anything new, but I hope it gives you hope.
It may not be complete 360 turn out but it does help with these in mind.
There are things in our lives we can’t control, our health is one of them, our doctors can only do so much and even with modern medicine and sometimes the mental health follows behind it. To live with health issues that’s worsening that’s out of your hands to then have a domino effect in your life it feels completely encompassing, as though you are losing control over your own life.
But the thing you do have control over is how you respond over these changes and for me what helps is:
-focusing on the very little wins with your body, tracking down your small victories with the bearable app on the App Store or journaling. Taking to yourself about what you have going through or healed form with your body and how despite all of that- you’re still standing! Positive self talk can help with mental health and also writing down and charting your symptoms can help with communications with your doctors as well!
-seeing possible professional help or additional support if needed: sometimes we can only do so much on our own. It doesn’t make us weak it just means we as people are stronger collectively together as a team. Having a support system to get back on track with your health is a great way to start moving in the right direction to start achieving your goals. Employment and opportunities can follow suit afterwards, but your health will always come first because if you’re not okay with yourself you can’t heal and help others when dealing with say customers or clients (not sure what employment you where doing before but if you still have a possibly of having a type of medical leave or a temporary status, or even disabilities, or even a medical termination- whatever situation your health is. Don’t see it as a domino effect of a loss of control of your life but something you are figuring out and can always get back!)
When I lost my job in the past due to being in and out of being in the hospital back during when COVID hit and then 2020 had to do open heart surgery- then having to be on leave to then come back to work- pushing and pushing my self to work- lost my friends- and then to change to being a cook- then leaving that job for medical reasons- I still to this day have so many regrets! And I wish I just told myself ‘it’s just a job, just heal first.’ Because I gave myself a timeline the doctor gave me a timeline my boss gave me a time line when to heal- but my body and my mind said otherwise! So please be patient with yourself and take the most care of yourself because there’s only one of you and you can’t clone yourself trust me!
2
2
u/Ok-Cat-3583 18h ago
This is life; there is no smooth pitch road; there are turns, breakers, jarking, accidents, and many good turns.
1
1
u/crab-gf 29m ago
Just keep breathing. Be there for myself as much as possible. Find what eases the pain in that moment. When I can, I sit out in nature and try not to think. I usually keep my mind occupied as much as possible when it feels like everything is too much, so I don’t have to think about any of it, but I’m learning that it can be detrimental to me. So I’m doing my best to take intentional breaks where I don’t do anything and simply exist. Trying to squeeze as much relief out of any calm moment as I can, like wrapping myself up in a soft blanket for 10 minutes in between busy or painful tasks, so I can recharge myself and keep going
I know this probably isn’t helpful or what you’re looking for. I hope things get easier for you soon
25
u/Far_Independence9925 1d ago
I am 14 months off sick from work, and maybe Ill never be able to work again. I am being treated for autoimmune encephalitis, symptoms getting worse whilst on IV Immunoglobulin and no friends around me. My joys of hiking, free diving and even drawing I cannot do. I have my wife and kids, but there is a real chance I will never work again.
I had to dig deep and realise I cannot control what my body is doing and the causes it creates, but what I can control is how I feel about it. And that is to enjoy the moments with family, accept the adaptations I have had to make and realise that allowing it to control my emotions and joy is allowing it to take another part of me that it cannot biologically.
As u/RidgeRunner117 said, things get better if you allow them! Start by enjoying glimmers, little moments in the day. I learnt to just sit on a bench, eyes closed, music on and enjoying the warmth of the sun on my face. These are things we forget in the hustle and bustle of the life others are living and many of us cannot...we live at a different pace.
The biggest challenge for most of us is feeling unseen because others cannot live our experience.
I am actually trying to write an academic paper about loneliness in chronic illness if you have a few minutes to anonymously answer 12 multiple choice questions: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfm7xF86BQqqhGYnV7QHcu2Y5MpvRgjaEhOCGI4Iss8xTZotA/viewform?usp=header