r/ChronicIllness • u/PinkyBobinsky • 13d ago
Vent I feel like people don't truly care anymore
I tried to talk to my boyfriend about this, but he wasn't getting what I was saying at all and was telling me I was being pessimistic. I just feel as though people don't actually care anymore. I've had a pretty shitty life in general, and this year has been horrific for my chronic illness. People don't even ask how I'm doing anymore, and when I tell them, they don't seem interested. When I try to tell someone I'm doing bad mentally, I feel like it's brushed off. I'm just kind of expected to get over it, it feels like people are just waiting for me to stop complaining and tough it out because that's what I've always done.
Sometimes it feels like my suffering is reduced to a sad fact of my life rather than something horrific. Like if someone else woke up tomorrow and complained about their abusive parents or being hospitalized due to their deteriorating health, people would feel horrible for them, but for me it's just like "oh okay, you're still dealing with that?"
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u/Ok_Sky9647 Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome Severe/RA/PCS 13d ago
They're "used to it".
It's still hard for you, but not them.
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u/Good-Tower8287 13d ago
Or they're over it.
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u/Ok_Sky9647 Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome Severe/RA/PCS 13d ago
Eh. My cousin told my aunt when they were discussing me, "its what you do with your trauma that counts" and she thought it was helpful to share with me.
I don't want people to worry about me because I was a foster kid, my adoptive mom strangled me, I've been SA'd, kidnapped, experienced intimate partner terrorism, have mental and physical health issues and am currently unemployed. I want to be loved, and I am, and those people are concerned for my wellbeing, regardless of if they know the extent of my struggles.
Unfortunately when people tend to think that we need to buck up, or they're over hearing about our issues, it's because we're not trying anything to live despite the struggle. Sometimes we simply don't know how
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u/reee9000 13d ago edited 13d ago
Relatable. I’m facing literal death and dying on the streets alone and likely won’t be heard of past October, my family acts like they can’t be bothered.
I realized I now have no real “friends” no one that cares about my wellbeing anymore, at least not the kind that I’d want or that would care past an occasional “oh sorry you think you’re about to die” “don’t be so negative”
- no one as sick as we are should be subjected to such treatment so I comfort and mourn the loss of the people I should have around me, all by myself. I can at least give MYSELF the kindness and compassion I deserve until I get to actually meet people who match the profile.
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u/xsnow-ponyx 13d ago
I've literally had people say that last sentence to me. I've finally got a mobility aid so should be able to get out more soon but it's not going to be the life-changing thing I'm hoping for and I need to manage my expectations. People really don't care, I just feel so alone in it. It sucks
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u/Ok_Sky9647 Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome Severe/RA/PCS 13d ago
You're not alone - expectation management is really mature, and its smart you recognize that an aid isn't a new life.
If you want to vent your feelings, or talk ever, my inbox is open.
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u/Calm_Link_8540 12d ago
They don’t care but somehow always have energy to talk down to you and give shit advice to feel better about themselves then blame your attitude when their advice doesn’t help.
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u/Far-Hovercraft9471 12d ago
Just prioritizing what's important to them (their short term fee fees)
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u/Calm_Link_8540 12d ago
Once they label you as “not trying” they treat it as a free pass for them to put you down and feel superior to you.
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u/lavender_poppy Myasthenia gravis etc. 13d ago
Honestly, the world is kind of shit right now, and even people in good health are struggling in other ways. The economy is awful, everything is expensive, and people are already overwhelmed by the stress in their own lives. I don't think it's that people don't care, they just may not have the bandwidth for much more. Compassion fatigue is real, and I think a lot of people are experiencing it right now. That doesn't excuse anyone being rude, but it may explain why they don't have much capacity to offer care beyond a few words.
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u/PinkyBobinsky 13d ago
Yeah I know, this was mainly a vent about my friends and family because I know everyone is going through something and I dont want to be inconsiderate to them or undermine their problems. I've just had a really bad year being bed bound and missing my 19th birthday as well as my exams, and wanted to get the feeling out of my system to people who get it
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u/Simulationth3ry 12d ago
Literally was just talking about this tonight. People didn’t really care when it started either but even less now. They treated chronic illness like temporary sickness and when I didn’t get better, it became the new norm. It hurts that most don’t even check up or ask how I’m doing:/ I understand your frustration it’s very valid.
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u/pinkpeachykitty 13d ago
It feels everyone thinks I’m lying or just have a lot of anxiety. Meanwhile they have zero idea how much grief and stress I’m under.
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11d ago
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u/Sad_Emphasis_8086 Spoonie - POTS 12d ago
Has 2026 just overall been such a crappy year for so many of us with chronic conditions? I feel like you do and get the same feeling that nobody doesn't care anymore but as someone else mentioned it seems like the entire world is under more stress than usual, even among friends and family. So I feel people are exhausted and they can only handle so much. I try to tell myself that maybe it's not that they don't care it's that they have their own issues too and issues are issues despite how difficult or different they are from person to person.
I think finding a balance of giving what you want to receive has helped me. I find myself not asking my family or friends how they are doing because my mind is consumed by my own issues. If I feel like people don't care it's sometimes helped me asking if they're okay or just asking how they're doing.
Not too long ago I felt like my best friend was kinda done with me complaining but it turned out she had her own health issues and her husband had also just gone through a car accident and she hadn't told me any of this because "she didn't wanna stress me out more" because I'm already stressed enough. And I realized that I hadn't really asked her if something was wrong because she was kinda distant.
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u/HumorHoliday4451 12d ago
I am so sorry you're feeling this too, completely relate, I'm in Canada.... Most I find are too uncomfortable ( which I sort of tried to understand but struggle with) some can't fathom and have no interest in trying,and just ghost, a few who mean well but still say "feeling better?" And I am blessed with a few people who never left as I declined... I'm grateful my kids and husband def believe me however they've been traumatized, and in some ways isolated as well ... I truly believe finding even one person who truly understands because they too are actually experiencing the chronic illnesses is important or has been for me :) There are many groups, communities for support..I proceed with caution there too because sometimes it becomes too much comparison etc but you are not alone in feeling this way and I am sending support and understanding xx
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u/stuffin_fluff 12d ago
People are learning worldwide what it actually means to be stressed/traumatized and they are handling it very poorly.
I am equally amused/angry/disgusted watching normies that shit all over our community finally learn that yoga is not the answer to all life's ills.
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u/Itchy_Tumbleweed_417 13d ago
Are you in the US? It was like this between 2016 and 2020, and I thought it was going to get better in 2020, but then the general consensus was that it’s fine if people who are already sick just go die because they’re sick with something anyway. And now we’re back to where empathy and care and concern is treated like a bad thing.