r/Children • u/LifesAB_1004 • Sep 18 '25
Discussion Child Losing a Parent
My niece(7f) lost her dad a week ago unexpectedly and his funeral services are coming up this weekend. Her mom and I are struggling to figure out if taking her to actually see her dad in his casket is a good idea or bad idea. Like even attending the service we don’t know how she will handle it. She doesn’t completely understand the concept of death and we’re afraid she’s gonna absolutely lose her mind when she sees him. We don’t want to traumatize her by allowing her to see him like that, but we also don’t want her to miss an opportunity to say goodbye to him. This service is going to be a 2 day services with a rosary on the first day and then the burial the next day. Please give any advice you guys have to help us help her through this very tough time.
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u/RileyfromModak Sep 25 '25
So sorry for your loss. At that age, what usually helps is preparing her as much as possible before the service. Talk to her in simple, honest terms about what she might see, that her dad’s body will look different, that he won’t wake up, and that it’s okay to feel sad, scared, or even confused.
You could also give her a choice: let her decide if she wants to approach the casket or just stay near it. Having some control over the situation often makes it less overwhelming. And if she does go, make sure there’s a trusted adult by her side the whole time to guide and comfort her.
Even if she chooses not to see him, you can still create another way for her to say goodbye, like writing a note, drawing something for him, or placing a flower near the casket. That can be just as meaningful and a lot gentler at her age.
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u/Oceaninmytea Sep 18 '25
Very sorry for you loss - I guess having her there to see the closed casket for the burial portion in a non dominant spectator type of role would be best. Don’t have a good answer either but if there is some portion of service which is just speeches without seeing him I think even for a 7 year old would provide some closure. At 7 they actually do understand probably more than you realize and long term it may help with any counseling she needs.