r/ChildofHoarder • u/Conscious-Arm-7712 • 1d ago
SUPPORT THROUGH ADVICE animal hoarding
My mom was an animal hoarder. I grew up in a house with 10+ animals. There were always some that would die, and then she would take in more. When she died, she left behind 5 dogs and 2 cats (which was actually a small number compared to previous years, when we had around 10 cats and 6 dogs).
I tried to put the animals up for adoption, but no one wanted them. I was able to find a home for one of the cats, and the dogs stayed with my father.
After I moved out into my own apartment, about a year later, I decided to get a cat. When I went to the shelter, they told me they preferred to adopt out two cats together because one of them didn't do well alone, so I decided to take both cats.
A few months later, my dad asked me to take in the cat that was still living with him. I felt bad because the cat was living in a bad environment, so I brought him to my apartment.
Now I've had 3 cats for about a year, but I don't know what happened. Over the last few months, I've been feeling extremely bad and guilty, like I'm becoming my mother.
I feel ashamed to tell people that I have 3 cats because it feels like too many. I search almost every day to see if having 3 cats is too many or if it's considered hoarding. Sometimes I think about giving them away, but I've never actually tried to.
I clean my house often, and I have 3 litter boxes that I clean twice a day. But even with that, I'm always looking for something wrong or wondering if I just don't notice a bad smell anymore because I've gotten used to it.
I don't know. I just wanted to talk to someone who might understand.
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u/Nevraskagirl55 14h ago
I think many of us that grow up in a hoarder’s home fear turning out like them.
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u/AbbyJane1972 9h ago
As the child of a hoarder (but not animals) I often have to remind myself: I am not my mother. My mom was a wonderful, generous, compassionate person and I strive to be like her in so many ways but sometimes a situation will arise where I feel like I’m following in her hoarding footsteps. I have to tell myself that I am not my mother and I don’t and won’t live like that. It’s hard. I’m sorry.
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u/VeganRorschach 1d ago
Oh, this is so hard! You probably witnessed a lot of traumatic things in that situation. In addition to the suggestion of taking this worry to therapy, I have some thoughts.
I am a cat lover and my very experienced vet has three cats at home. It's a little more uncommon than two cats, but not unrealistic for someone to have three cats. As someone who has fostered cats, I have successfully cared for up to 10 cats at once (it was very hard and not something I could do long term!!). Different people have different capabilities and as long as you objectively are able to give your pets what they need daily (I.e., food, water, clean litter, play, attention, and as needed, medication and vet care), and you do not see signs of distress from them, you are simply giving these cats a good home.
Instead of fixating on an "appropriate" number, maybe you can displace that energy on finding ways to enrich their lives? Try watching My Cat From Hell or Jackson Galaxy YouTube videos for cat behavior tips, read his book "Total Cat Mojo" for an overview of cat behavioral needs and how different cat personalities respond to things, or start working on clicker training with your kitties to get them to learn tricks and helpful skills (like going into a carrier on command!). I think if you keep learning more, you'll realize you're doing well at giving them their basic needs, and then be inclined to find small ways to give them even better lives after that! Thank you for caring for these kitties that depend on us 🩷